I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who said ‘ok’ to the playground bully when he said, ‘Hey jump on’ to the other seat of the painted green wooden playground seesaw.
This playground in front of the winter outdoor hockey rink (and summer tennis courts) also had the big swings that were awesome; you could pump your legs to swing so high. And then jump off at the peak of your follow through which was a good 15 feet above the ground. Way outta control!
There was the long metal slide that heated up to burning hot in the July afternoon sun. You couldn’t slide down without a serious leg burn.
So on this day the local buffoon convinced me to participate and now I am up in the air as he lifts his seat and bashes it back to the ground. This sends me flailing a foot above my seat. I hold onto the metal handle with all my ten year old might.
He laughs the asshole. He loves it. Again he bashes his seat down punctuated by his villainous cackle. Again my legs fly into the air. I’m bucking this green wooden bronco and wondering how to jump off as it looks like he is not going to let me off.
Likewise the seesaw in relationships can generate a variety of emotions from elated to enraged. I am sure you know what I mean.
Let’s look at the fulcrum which is the part in the middle that is the balance point between the two extremes. According to the little drawing above one side is ‘Self’ and the other being ‘Love’ in our relationship seesaw.
Too much self at the expense of love means a person is in a relationship for personal gain. To feel loved with out offering love in return. Another imbalance is when we don’t love ourselves enough and submit our fulfillment to the satisfaction of our partner.
Somewhere in between the two is an ongoing sensitivity of give and take that looks to somehow feed both at the same time. So make yourself loveable and therefore, in your own way, attract love. Without negating this love you attract, your art is to seek out how to love another for the person they want to be.
In 2003 the U.S. military needed to justify attacking a country that was not attacking them. So they invented facts about potential dangers posed by this other country. Also known as lying. Also known as the Iraq war that was a disaster with ongoing human fallout. To fabricate a reason to share your aggression means you are not at peace. I am guilty of that. I am not alone.
Another way to live with yourself and your neighbours is to ‘love and be loved.
Your soul loves you.
Even when you screw up or get frustrated. You are loved even when you are depressed and broke.
Why? Because your soul loves providing service to you. The planetary soul focuses on managing your energy so you are healthy and safe and able to make decisions. The soul’s service depends on the information you deliver to it.
That info can be numbers, words, phrases, emotions, experiences, thoughts, ideas, feelings… In return this info is processed through the soul centres in your life to keep you alive, thriving and finding ways to participate.
So it makes sense to give your soul good information. Offer it things that are true. Ideas that generate learning and smiles and fulfillment. Information for the soul of others that generates happiness, belief and relief into their life.
So find those words and ideas and emotions. Or discover a reliable source of encouragement. Or be that creative conduit of understanding emotions and intriguing ideas.
Priscilla Gyamfi on Unsplash
Be a small spring of peace high in the mountains that appears clean and fresh.
My parents never gave me the sex talk. I don’t know if it would have made much of a difference. There is so much happening in puberty it can be tough to have an impact on the teenage reality. Nowadays in middle age I can probably listen better and could use some of that conversation.
We can all use companionship going from the intensity of puberty and youth, through the adventure of young manhood to the intensity of an adult. The intensity of being an adult is to discover how to live with purpose. Purpose can be elusive in middle and old age.
Not being able to connect with some sense of purpose creates in a man anxiety and is an invitation to look into the abyss. That is why it is important for generations of men to speak to one another about: individual purpose, spiritual currency, functions of the soul, stages in life, emotional responsibility.
Individual Purpose – The combination of soul – spirit – mind- genes in each of us is unique. We all have a different purpose according to the planet and our destiny. Comparisons are futile. The point is to offer clean emotional residue to others and the planet as a result of dealing with the opportunities to grow as a human. This residue will have an impact on all aspects of your daily and soul life.
Spiritual Currency – Energy powers our brains, hearts, thoughts, hopes and beliefs. There are different types and levels of this energy. There is energy for: the physical body, mental processes, emotional sustenance and participating in high soul activity. Higher emotional powers are the ones that, when we don’t understand them, can contribute to a sense of being lost and lack of connection to our stage in life. Whereas when we do develop a higher emotional life of service we live with a sense of peace.
Stages in Life – Life changes us. You have a scar on your chin you didn’t have when you were 10 years old. You have habits you formed in your youth and goals you established as a young man. Over time we grow into another stage of life. Each stage has its new highlights and emerging capabilities. Often times from lack of understanding we experience emotional and physical changes (puberty, mid-life, children, marriage, the urge to find meaning…) as burdens or defects. Not true. They are challenges to put yourself out there. To create your own Satisfaction. To share Your Best Ego. Don’t limit yourself.
Functions of the Soul – The soul is employee of the month – every month of every year. The soul is reliable and always in the moment. Never yearning for the good old days or dreading its future. The soul takes the energy we connect it to and gets the most out of it.
Emotional Responsibility- With changes in each life stage we often don’t know what we are doing. This can cause us to perhaps blame others. Saying for example we never wanted to change, or we resist new people or situations because indeed they might open the door to a new you. This new you might leave behind old friends or introduce different vocabulary to your decision making.
The new you takes responsibility for how he feels. That can help to find a higher purpose that is a natural response to that intensity of middle age.
‘Hey! Leave me alone.’
Then came the answer. Rodrigo was 8 and yelling into the valley.
Hey leave me alone – the valley copies him.
Don’t copy me!!- Rodrigo yells and turns his back on the valley. He’s a funny, smart 8.
2 long seconds later –
Don’t copy me.
Amazing fealty for an echo. It is Instagram before Instagram: a brief recording of the moment and then it is gone. I guess it’s a combination of the low valley architecture furnished in green with pine trees and sloping hills.
We caught on to what Rodrigo was doing – it gave us a good laugh.
The power of our echo is amazing. The impact the rebounding of our words and actions have in the lives of others.
This duration and the degree of the echo are always a product of one’s emotions.
The more invested we are in the other person the greater the duration of the echo. That can work both ways.
Combine that with the intention of the person plus the context and the echo could provide an uplifting harmony or a deafening noise puke.
We, men and women, are governed by the need of being loved and loving someone else.
How do the results of the Female Frixion rebound off the walls of love of her spouse? It is the acoustics of his sense of value for himself. That value can be anchored in his family, in how he takes care of his tools, his income, what people think of his wife. His value can also be self generated – so that way it is associated with higher connection (in contrast to external value that is dependent upon likeability). His self value in conjunction with his male instinct determine the harmonies he hears between the 3 roles of his wife.
So when communicating the Female Frixion to her partner she will will feel received, understood and appreciated. Or if the man doesn’t grasp the concept of Female Frixion, the woman eddies in the river of communication, then he will substitute something else as his understanding of her message although it is inaccurate. And that will be the basis of his decision making about her from then on. Commonly labeled: happy wife – happy life. Or it can get adversarial between people and the Female Frixion is cemented as a 3 headed monster that is apparently the source of all marital issues.
Or with self-Love in both people it can be cultivated into
A tricycle of love.
There are no short cuts between you and the truth. Whether that be you and not feeling alone (short cut is to find someone not your wife);
Feeling disconnected with manhood in midlife (short cuts include but not limited to, drugs/alcohol).
Feeling loved and loving. (Short cuts too many to list but they all boil down to abandoning yourself as a man.) You have to do the work.
You can be smart about what you are struggling with. This means elevate your emotional agility to attract perception about how to struggle better, struggle happy, struggle together.
Female Frixion Series #4
The teachers knew that her home life was tempestuous. Occasionally no lunch to eat at lunchtime. Waiting outside the school for half an hour or hour every now and again for someone to pick her up.
She was 8. Her instinct told her it was wrong for her dad to smash her mother’s face in. Still she lived through the many years of lots of blood and stitches. At 18 years old she called the cops on her abusing father. He never hit her mother again; Even when he came back to the house to live. The damage was done.
My wife, who was the 8 year old girl with no lunch, is still traumatized. But, refusing to be a victim her proactive nature helps her as a mother raising our girls to know their abilities and responsibilities. They are to be responsible for their own income so they don’t have to put up with any garbage from the father of their children based on financial need. They are responsible for their own emotions. They can cook (clean – not so much). They have shown they can love and be loved. They want to love and be loved. And not just by their mom. They are realizing they have the abilities to start and run their own business.
We either want our children to replicate one of our childhood experiences when we feel it was an important ingredient in the good person part of us or we want to help them avoid like the plague a negative experience that has kept us from being happier. Happier and just overall better. Because had we been able to avoid that detrimental experience in our formation we might have been able to maintain our natural connection with the true trajectory of our life.
It’s painful for a parent to see when someone or some event deviates their child from their flourishing and self realization. It’s really painful when that someone is the daughter herself because she has low self esteem. Yet it’s more painful when the obstacle to a dynamic daughter is mama herself.
So a mother will, out of unselfish love, superimpose her Female Frixion onto her daughter thinking the same thing that screwed up her high school years will befall her daughter. This can mean mother’s care doesn’t allow her to listen to what is actually happening in her daughter’s life.
As for the daughter when does she become aware of the feeling of the frixion? She is just learning about the nastiness that life can throw at a woman. Mom knows too well the variety, degree and damage of the nastiness.
The daughter is intensely living the adventure/romance aspect of life. She juggles some career preparation (school) and is being heavily influenced by the mothering vignettes she absorbs.
Mom is feeling the reality of the Female Frixion and wants her daughter’s life to have better everything: Better romantic life, better career path, a better mother experience than hers. Mom’s intention is sincere but quite difficult to accept by a daughter whose focus is feeling her emotions in the moment. Cue the screaming, insults and slamming bedroom doors followed by 🤬.
It is vital a mother participates in her daughter’s understanding of the Female frixion. It is equally important that it be understood by all (mom, daughter, dad, brother, boyfriend, grandma) that the daughter’s version and expression of the Female Frixion will be unique. Therefore different to mom’s. Likely messy and frightening(for mom). Still equally as valid as mom’s.
Mom and daughter will have different ratios of the 3 roles, different timings of each role flourishing, varying resources to stick handle the friction at work and home.
Maybe the daughter has children. Maybe not. Maybe she gets married. Maybe not. Maybe she runs her own business. Maybe not.
A daughter needs her mother.
Daughters need to listen to mothers.
Daughters need to hear from their mother about the Female Frixion. What it is, how to deal with it internally and how to communicate it.
Can mothers use their beautiful-potent-mother-love with finesse so their daughter’s development is not the sequel of their mother’s childhood longings and life traumas?
If your sacred book is the Torah – try reading the Koran. You will encounter a few friends.
If your sacred book is the Buddhist Sutra then take a look at the Bible. Find how the connective power of a living prayer can enhance a meditation.
If your sacred book is The I Ching what can you learn from The Upanishad? The variety of of life expresses a higher love that empowers us with positivity and guidance.
If your sacred book has become the Wall Street Journal then make a detour into the park. Take the time to try reading the bark of a red pine with your hands.
If Facebook is your bible leave your phone at home and walk with a friend in the dusk.
If the story in your sacred book is being filled with pages of habits and assumptions about what other people think then stop. Turn to a fresh page.
Find a way to elevate. For example: Breathe, smile, get amazed by an Olympic athlete, share something awesome about a medical innovation, get out in nature early one day, put down the phone and love the fact of the small node on the top of your heart that sends the electrical signal that makes it beat. Pretty cool.
Life sustaining cool.
Finding a way to improve my intention is a priority
Vacuums are frustrating. Especially if you don’t like to clean. And aren’t mechanically inclined.
And hate to admitting you are cheap.
The industrial vacuums can do a good job and last a while if taken care of. Even though they too have designed obsolescence (of about 1 year of regular use) and cheap plastic parts, most brands are reliable. But one of those would be way too bulky for my pint size condo.
Then my wife’s asking why spend $300 on a new vacuum that might give you 2 years service when a used one can do the same thing for $10. This time I agree with my wife.
So we bring home the new-to-us vacuum and fire it up as we didn’t test it in the second hand store. It is a plastic, black and turquoise creation that would make a decent R2 unit on StarWars. It starts fine and vacuums well enough but there is a stench.
Being the local fixer I drop a little Essential oil on the foam air filter and Bam – no smell! For 2 minutes.
Then back to the cheesy foot smell.
Upon further investigation it becomes clear nobody- the person who donated it, the store who checked if it worked and sold it nor the customer (me:)) had cleaned the filter. It was dirty. It was packed. With gunk and other people’s dirty stuff. And once clean it worked perfectly:)
To get the most out of life keep your filter clean so the experience you have is the true, best experience in the moment.
Dirty filters mean although our eyes and ears are open, we hear how the situation impacts us as opposed to what is actually happening.
Dirty filters mean going through the motions. Dirty filters means repeating the same mistakes.
A clean filter is refreshing and is forgiveness. A clean filter is living in the moment. A clean filter is liberating your instinct. A clean filter is you when you answer your devotional life by seeking higher perception.
This higher education we can submit into daily life to improve it for ourselves, for community, tribe, for those future people who struggle with engaging humanity.
Submit it through a beautiful range of ways including: telling jokes, telling stories, inventing ceremonies, exuding love of your higher self, respect of what is foreign to you, loving and being loved.
Kurt Vonnegut advised to ‘Start as close as close to the end as possible’.
The American writer had 8 Rules For Writing. Gems of guidance for creating an interesting story. The above is #5.
Vonnegut’s writing put humanity on display – and it often wasn’t pretty.
Perhaps he was lazy. The closer you start to the end – the shorter the journey so the less you need to write. Perhaps starting close to the end is a story design method so the writer stays true to the intention of the story.
Each conversation is a story. Even if that conversation in a dark 30 seconds on a downtown street is between strangers, full of swearing, worrisome and in full public view. What happened was this big and tall guy darted in front of two walking women (mother and daughter) and ‘BOO!!’ he yells out of nowhere. The daughter screams back; her mother said don’t. Daughter pursued him down the sidewalk to share her fright but he wasn’t interested. He already got what he wanted and wasn’t about to listen. His sudden scare manoeuvre works to steal some good energy. In this case: Female energy; high potency anger energy; the beautiful energy of being the focus of the ‘conversation’. All of this makes him feel important and makes up for a lack of relationship in his life.
Dirty business tactics on his part. The business of energy management –
we are all in the same business of energy: give and take, diminish and elevate.
The big, tall guy on the dark, downtown street was using guerrilla tactics. And he started quite close to the end of the intention of his story – which was to steal good energy. It only took him seconds. End of story. For him.
Does that mean he is good at what he does; steal? Or that he has no art? No energy art.
What about the others in the conversation?
Still recovering from the disturbing encounter the mother was coaching her adult daughter as they resumed their journey. The residue on the daughter from the experience is anger. Next time ‘listen to your mother’.
And if her mother isn’t there next time then the daughter would do well to activate her strength of resistance. Meaning make the continuance of her life ( like the walking conversation with her mother) more important than a grown man who is blind to his own value (due to self esteem or illness).
Resist the low. Adhere to the high. You are important. Standards are important.
So, tonight when you lay your head down – wonder – ‘what is true because of you?’
What do you want to be true because of you? This is like Vonnegut telling his students to start as close to the end as possible. If you have a good day what is the energetic residue? If you have a bad day, what is the energetic residue? If you are alone? If you are accompanied?
Close your eyes and know:
Because of you there is a marriage with a sense of loving and being loved;
Because of you a woman has no fear of violence in her marriage.
Because of you a colleague knows they are valued.
Because of you nature spirits flourish.
Because of you …
Life will jump in front of you and scream ‘BOO!’ now and again. When it does, resist the low. Maintain your standards that seek the good.
Angry young men are angry because their youth and future have been tarnished by lack of vision by weak elders who know fear and lack of resistance.
Young men will hit each other including the closest loved one within striking distance. Be it their mother or sister, girlfriend or wife.
Because they can’t handle life right now, in the moment. Life can get to be too much of not having enough. Too much of not being enough. It’s frustrating. It’s demoralizing. So It takes balls to not succumb to the forces of diminishment – and to want discover want kind of man you are – when the people in charge of the world have run it into the ground.
Thank God a new story is being written by elders-in-training who are:
Forgiving and then immediately use that conversation to take the reins of their emotions to support their mission;
Doing the personal development work to understand the many currents of daily and devotional life;
Elevating the conversations about intricacies and complications of the intertwining of relationships with life stages;
Insisting we appreciate that the planet unto herself is on a development journey called evolution.
And that all of these are powered by potent, far reaching forces. Forces that are received, translated and shared when we refine and simplify our needs and rituals to ‘love and be loved’.
How young men end up being angry young men and probably violent even though they don’t want to be.
A man by design is an authentic, brave, believing expression of the man version of human.
Alas, what you meet on the street or get into an elevator with is likely an insecure jumble of random goals, half baked intentions and unrealistic self-help affirmations.
Regardless of his facade many a man is a cocktail of doubt and aggression. In many of us men this seamlessly translates into very little self-confidence to access our natural emotional agility to be able to listen. We can listen. We listen to deliver satisfaction. However if the person speaking seeks fulfillment, instead of getting either satisfaction or fulfillment, we have conflict.
Men are great at one thing: being men. The art of Being a man is doing that one thing to get many results. Like going to work pays you money but also brings you satisfaction, admiration from your family, peace for spouse/children and life education for challenges ahead.
Society’s life education about men and women is lacking to the point of being harmful. Therefore the level of man in the world today is low when compared to our abilities and innate sentiments.
It is exactly these beautiful emotions a man has for those who surround him that he needs to shine on himself. That way each man can be his own salvation or inspiration or …
Now because women are naturally different they very often arrive at certain insights via different avenues before a man does. Women might assume that men will, and should, have complimentary insights.
Our history of interpersonal conflict illustrates that men don’t work like that at a societal level. We can create a new narrative for men.
A man connected to his natural spontaneity, vision and get-up-and-go will have put himself in the position to observe the similarities with women in the desire to grow and the differences in their expressions.
Every morning I drop one or two wrinkled pods of dried cardamom into my coffee/spice grinder to grind with the coffee beans. The fine grind is flecked with the light green of the ground cardamom. I love the smell of fresh ground coffee probably more than drinking the coffee itself.
We actually just got back from an autumn weekend in a rented cabin and all my coffee paraphernalia came with us. It means we are not buying coffee that is more costly and generates waste vía cups, lids and stir sticks. Before bed we have started drinking a cinnamon/ginger brew to boost our immune system. My favourite drink during the day is a bit of fresh hibiscus tea mixed with sparkling water. Super refreshing.
Whether it is tea or coffee, cola, wine or whiskey. Coconut water, kombucha or beer. All of these are water based drinks. Some have sugar or fruit. Others are healthy. Again others fermented. Some are popular drinks because they taste good, a few for their rejuvenation factor and others are a success of marketing.
Water is to our body as oil is to the car engine. We are 70% water each of us. That kind of makes us, or our body, a bottle of water. How do we flavour our water?
Dr. Masaru Emoto pioneered the research into the consciousness of water. Based on experiments with water and music he concluded that we flavour our corporeal water with what we think, feel and do. The residue of these impressions settles in our blood, bones and organs where the water is at work. We flavour our water with life; good and bad, high and low, as a victim or author of our response to each stage of development.
But often it is the label of our human water bottle that we focus on most of the time.
We get caught up in the image so often that the ingredients, or their production, gets minimized.
We are born with 2 eyes, 10 fingers and a little hair all of us. What anchors your existence is a planetary soul. That soul gets imprinted with the genes you are going to give expression to in your daily life and give continuance to by your life journey. So those eyes might be green. Those fingers could be brown. And that hair might be black. We all have eyes, fingers and hair but we are all so different. Why?
Race, religion, culture, upbringing and education. All of these are ingredients that get integrated into your soul. It takes a strong desire and sensitivity to interpret the soul and not get distracted by the ego of the image.
What does it take to be a Sommelier of the soul? Because, if you think about it, we are flavoured water. How would the sommelier describe your soul? A hint of creativity, bold and upfront, goes great with fish? Refreshing! No bitter aftertaste:)
Be free! Be radical! Just don’t let them run rampant in your body because that is going to make you old, older, oldish. Free radicals cause aging. Smiles and wrinkles are free. Thinking for yourself keeps you right on track with whatever age you are.
What is the oldest anti-aging product in the history of those sorts of things?
Funny. Use something old so you don’t become old. Is that hypocrisy? Marketing?
Is this one of those ads at the back of a magazine in the classifieds?
The natural way not not to age is to grow.
Obviously:). We are not talking about freezing your body or botoxing or any medical procedure.
We are talking about your mindset. And what life development trajectory that puts you on.
Because we all get old.
Day by day.
We all get wrinkles, lose hair, slow down, change priorities. That is different from aging.
Aging is when we cannot flow with the progression of life stages. Each life stage offers us the necessary energies and knowings to participate in it. Each stage also requires our participation be regenerative. To be clear being regenerative is taking what you are given and making something positive with it. It might not be fair or fun but it is wise. And wisdom is the residue of operating with an elder mindset. It’s an attitude that can form and construct the foundation for your next stage in life.
So be nice. And grow. Grow up. Towards the light. Grow more curious and thorough as you grow old. Grow the service aspect of your life. Service to others, the planet, your body, your soul.
Tennis great Roger Federer after an awesome back hand winner down the line as he walks pensive to the other side of the court to receive serve. Severely champion cool.
Rupi Kaur the Indian/Canadian poet has her own version of cool: smile, flick of the long black hair with the hand while eyes thinking of how to connect next. Poet cool.
On the inside, after you have done something authentic, you are cooling down.
Your talent, real effort, authentic synthesis for an elevated result.
Now your blood is reorganizing itself based on the impact of your new experience.
From the outside, this is magnetic to people’s attention even if they don’t know why. They usually don’t. This mystical magnetism is what we call cool.
‘Cool outfit’. ‘Cool car you fixed up’. Cool upholding the truth when someone was bad-mouthing your buddy. Cool fade away jumper.
Professional posers like the Kardashians imitate cool. They are brittle and hollow.
The cool you is agile and spontaneous.
The cool you loves and is loved.
In your blood lives your history, your initiative, your best and your worst. Cool means knowing the worst and bringing your best. Cool means knowing your mistakes and insisting on growing.
To get to cool you draw on your personal history of struggle, of growing and learning, of visualizing and wanting, recalibrating after a defeat and of allowing yourself to be inspired. Cool comes once you put your vulnerable/yet confident/authentic self out there; living your life now – then you rest and your blood cools down. That’s when you bask in the glow of your cooling blood that loved the vigour of sincere human effort.
That’s cool. That’s you.
George Gurdjieff the mystic and spiritual teacher spoke about universal forces and principles. One very simple yet powerful concept is that of pitch and yaw. Pitch is the thrusting outward force and yaw the receptive energy. Here it is easy for an overlay to be seen with the yin yang understandings. I like to think the word Yoga had a little hint or message right there in the short 4 letters of the word. It is asking us, maybe telling us to – go ya. In other words right there in the name is the essence of the discipline: go yaw. We are being asked to do the work of the poses and stretches in order to set us up to receive.
So in class we do the movements and breathing to get to a point where you can receive, as in yaw, after the pitching nature of your movements.
As in any Martial Art the original purpose of yoga is to create oneself as a a node of connection between higher and foundational energies. Practice over time produces self knowledge. This in turn results in personal growth so one can better manage daily life to be able to participate in elevating self knowledge.
Yoga is amazing. After a class I feel my body on a subtle hum and my mind at peace (read I carry less internal friction based in the whims of the day).
The breathing, the stretching, the speeds all combine under the guidance of a teacher who lands us in shavasana (lying down ‘corpse pose’ that can be followed by seated meditation). This puts me in a place of readiness to offer high quality stillness to connect with higher realms of perception.
So go ya(w)!