ATM10 – The Female Instinct is Not Respected

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Young men are angry young men because they have no idea about the the mechanics of the female instinct. How it works, why and what to do about it.

Your mother was right.

Your mother is right.

Because she is your mother ? Yes.

Because she is a mother? Yes.

Because she is a woman? Yes.

Because she is smart and successful and fashionable and in a loving relationship, creative and spontaneous and hilarious, sociable and admired?

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Well, I don’t know your mother. Still I hope she embodies many of these qualities listed above. Any combination of these traits would help to generate ongoing satisfaction and fulfillment for her and those in her life.

The amazing challenge of motherhood tugs on the ancient history of care that have kept us alive for millennia. Many a young mother is overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility that their tiny bundle of joy represents. They have no idea what to do or what their infant needs.

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Yet with the guidance of experienced mothers, a new mother can grasp the thread of maternal wisdom and connect with the natural intuition of motherhood.

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Under the influence of this connection a woman finds a kaleidoscopic fountain of love powering an agility of ability to be the source of happiness and health for her child.

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The instinct lives in the core of the moment. And we are invited every moment to accompany the instinct; to get instinctual. The instinct has enough potency and range to radiate beyond the core. Whether at the core or in the ripple effect of the instinct, it’s message is always valid, true and available. So it is up to our discipline and desire to follow it, trust it as opposed to second guessing.

So where we sit now is that men are alienated from their instinct? Their sensitivities have been institutionally diminished and tuned to sex, money, and lame ‘man caving’ habits.

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As a result when a woman, married or not, a mother or not, professional or not insists on adhering to the connection with her instinct – men balk! Men don’t get it. But they do get angry. And violent.

Why? He pleads.

Explain it to me! He yells.

What am I missing?! He demands exasperated.

Damn good questions.

Man! You are missing a connection with your instinct. Make that connection and you can have a shared understanding of the situation with your spouse.

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The learning is that women and men will maintain their connection with their instinct using complimentary techniques. Women through the management of the three aspects of The Female Friction.

Men will do it by elevating their various expressions of the famous man cave.

AYM9 – Their Youth and Future

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Angry young men are angry because their youth and future have been tarnished by lack of vision by weak elders who know fear and lack of resistance.

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Young men will hit each other including the closest loved one within striking distance. Be it their mother or sister, girlfriend or wife.

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Because they can’t handle life right now, in the moment. Life can get to be too much of not having enough. Too much of not being enough. It’s frustrating. It’s demoralizing. So It takes balls to not succumb to the forces of diminishment – and to want discover want kind of man you are – when the people in charge of the world have run it into the ground.

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Thank God a new story is being written by elders-in-training who are:

Forgiving and then immediately use that conversation to take the reins of their emotions to support their mission;

Doing the personal development work to understand the many currents of daily and devotional life;

Elevating the conversations about intricacies and complications of the intertwining of relationships with life stages;

Insisting we appreciate that the planet unto herself is on a development journey called evolution.

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And that all of these are powered by potent, far reaching forces. Forces that are received, translated and shared when we refine and simplify our needs and rituals to ‘love and be loved’.

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AYM7 – Satisfaction and Fulfillment have been usurped by Blame and Guilt.

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Angry young men might have a valid argument for having anger issues.

Our golden retriever wasn’t very happy that my wife and I only took her on the short route for her evening walk. It was a chilly December day so it got dark early. Returning home from the walk we turn left out of the elevator and our noses catch the smell of warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that fragrants the hallway air.

Once in our kitchen I gulp down two still- soft cookie creations. A Gooey, messy, tasty sugar rush.

My daughter is now watching a movie, having made the cookies and feeling fulfilled at accomplishing the task she set out to bake. In relation to the same event I am in the kitchen breathing the deep breaths of satisfaction, having been cookied.

Meanwhile my wife is savouring a sense of various fulfillments. She was connecting with her husband on the evening walk thus responding to the urge of her romantic(and now married) life. Arriving home to a proactive daughter she fills with pride that cannot be measured but that is vital to her sense motherhood.

All of this after a day of the demands and successes of a full day of work.

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We are all responsible for seeking satisfaction and fulfillment in our lives. As children we receive the guidance of parents and teachers.

The gradual acceptance of responsibility for our words and actions is part of engaging adulthood.

If we can engage this next step in life with confidence, curiosity and healthy coping mechanisms then we will find satisfaction with a positive outlook.

If we aren’t ready to manoeuvre in the adult realms then we can feel overwhelmed and look to relieve ourselves of the weight of responsibility. An effective technique for getting that relief is blame. Blaming others. Reacting unconsciously because we haven’t decided to grow into our Best Ego. So we make someone else the creator of our reality. We convince ourselves there is almost no possibility we could have had control of the circumstances that brought us here.

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Young men need to be able to watch adults manage life with agility. Meaning a challenge is what happens when you grow. The challenge is not the one we encounter on the road of growth – outside of ourselves. The actual challenge is how we react and deal with the situation.

Do we frame it as a nuisance to pushed to the side ? And as a result do the minimum? Or do we apply belief in our abilities thus converting the same challenge into a springboard for growth?

Seeing the challenge as an external hassle means we are giving the pen that writes our life story to someone else.

However the challenge is actually a light that we can shine on our own qualities. To ensure we are grasping that same pen to decide the lines of our own life story.

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So …

Grab the pen.

Believe: in yourself, in your style of man, your kind of confidence, your version of strong, your adaptation of resourceful, your insight about elevating the expression of man.

Speak up about what you want. Speak out about what you feel.

Seek your satisfaction as a young man. Offer to others a young man who knows what it takes to uphold a positive outlook even if the situation isn’t fair.

They Have No Real Rites Of Passage – AYM6

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Angry young men are justified in being angry because they have no real rites of passage that help them mark stages in life while grasping their significance.

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I remember at my confirmation the crusty, guest priest went up and down the first 2 pews in the church asking each person being confirmed what their chosen name was. Mine was Peter. The name meant nothing to me really.

Another guy had chosen Michael so the priest made some comment on the meaning of that name.

We were about 30 people to be confrmed. I think all of us were around 13 years old except for a few adults The adults chose to be there. I felt no impending transformation or need to give myself a different name. The name identifies the new you that confirms the belief in God your parents claimed at your baptism. Yet I have never used the additional name and it embodies nothing for me.

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When a coming of age ceremony is conducted by someone with dignity there is a transference of the truth based struggle for self – awareness to the participants. The concept of taking on a new name is so it is an anchor for this peak moment of nervous inspiration and cellular refinement. This new name carries the authenticity of life so far combined with the courage and skills that we engage through our transformation.

Generally we have starved our sensibilities to the planet and the journey of human development. As a result the point of rites of passage is lost on most of us.

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A man might project confidence, indifference or toughness but in many cases he is not in sync with the role of his soul. The soul is the bridge from child to youth, from youth to adult, from adult to elder. Each of these involves a transformation of you that is witnessed and celebrated. Witnessing allows the man to know that he is supported while he may feel lost or not know which direction to point his daily decisions. Those who support our young men know he must grow as a capable man that finds solutions not excuses. That seeks insights not openings to ridicule. That wants companionship not violence.

Just because he is angry does not justify violence against women. And just because he is lost and can’t find a good guide or mentor doesn’t justify violence against women.

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Rather, his transformation into an emotionally agile man is to be celebrated so people can sense he is a unique expression of manhood and tribe.

Rites of passage can be simple. They can be ancient poems or spontaneous encouragements as long as the sentiment is to locate and appreciate the young man in the hypernow of his life.

Rites of passage can be with just one witness or a ceremony followed by a big party.

Young men can have a conversation at 7:30 on a Tuesday with a man about life, about women and making love, about expressing the urge to love-and-be -loved, about personal religion, about posture and martial arts and The Art of War and oration and humility, about dancing, about making money and doing business and a good sense of humour, about nature spirits and healing and self respect. Any combination of those important topics can do the job of bridging the adolescent into the next stage. We as a tribe need to create these rites of life stage change. Or just connect the ceremonies we already have with a human development journey.

Nobody … their soul. The Angry Young Man Series – 1.

Nobody can tell them about their soul.

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Part of the reality of young man anger is they don’t know what is happening to them and don’t know what to do about it.

Religion is natural.

Religion is available.

Religion is our supply chain management system for the soul.

The soul is natural.

The soul is available.

The soul is the energy manager of your life.

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The soul loves your life and will never, ever abandon your life, your well being or your growth.

The soul needs you, it’s host, to provide it with experience so you have life reference. This gives your material/content to understand your intuition. With a broad range of resources to integrate your higher life into daily life you can grasp that not everything is about you. You will have perception based in the truth of the moment. About young men, about consequences and ways to deal with a situation in order to avoid conflict.

So put yourself out there. Meet people, learn stuff, try new things. Get a library card. Read a book. Read the book’s bibliography. Order a book on Amazon!

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An important aspect of understanding the soul is using your habits as a foundation for growing. Habits can build and decorate what we call our comfort zone. Often it actually turns out to be a comfort zone for fear and a prison for the urge to grow.

The soul manages your habits. Feed the soul a portion of habit. And feed the soul a portion of questions that make you stretch towards what you want.

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The soul is your biggest fan. It wants to know what you want and accompany you while you struggle to live out the realization of your objectives.

Your struggle for what you want for your higher life and how you insist on pursuing it is your personal religion. (Read that sentence again … slowly).

(Loop back to the top of this short article – where it talks about religion.)

The Bridge 2 – Lead Laterally

The Bridge connecting your emotions with your words

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We all admit there are areas where we can improve. It’s painful to the ego but a dose of humility can keep many things at bay.

My wife told me I had become very militaristic in my communication with our teenage daughter. I had no idea. Of course I thought I was showing up to do my dad job by instilling good habits. Good intention with poor execution. The reality for my family was that I was now irritating; at best. And my approach would have become alienating if my wife had not mentioned it to me.

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The point is to get more references/ education/ feedback/ input. These are the materials to build a bridge to cross from the ignorant side of the river to the other side. So there can be change from one reality to another – also known as growth:).

Change doesn’t make us wrong. It means we can grow. Especially for adult men this can be a bridge we don’t want to be seen crossing. Often we don’t know how to accept being wrong, or deal with feedback. Especially from our wife or children. Likewise we don’t know how to express ourselves. We don’t know how to say that we want to grow but don’t know how. We don’t know love can be expressed in words as well as actions. Small words, quiet words.

So to help to grow let’s picture a bridge that can help us cross from one perspective – our current outlook – to integrate a new mentality into our range of options. Your bridge can be made of wood and rope straddling high above the river. Or it can be an abandoned wooden railway bridge, made of massive steel beams or a beautifully designed stone bridge with arches.

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We switch from the side of loneliness to the other side various times in an hour, day, life depending on our emotional equilibrium.

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You crossing the bridge may be an act of desperation because you feel left out and lonely. Paying attention to your spouse according to their need now has relevance to you. Or crossing the Bridge of Strength can be because you want to offer your spouse a good relationship.

The challenge here is manifold. However the response is singular: build a bridge through belief in action.

It’s your bridge. Build it as you wish so that others can experience the best of you. So your family can benefit from your accumulated wisdom from a history of accomplishments. Which is what you want too.

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Build your bridge because you want to understand and accompany your spouse with respect. Even if you don’t really know what you are doing (be that on the dance floor or in bed or at an awkward social gathering or talking about your marriage or stages in life). But there you are – participating.

It’s you leading – laterally. Which moves your marriage forward – simply in a sideways spiral – meaning you won’t be alone.

 

Where’s The Bridge ?

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There is a swampy bit near the end of our walk in the park ravine where our golden retriever just loves to romp around chest deep in the muck. No doubt the muddy water would be cooling on a hot day but this is April. In Ontario. In a few nooks of shade there can be found caches of snow. Vestiges of a long and beautiful winter. So a dog wouldn’t be needing to cool down too much but for her there is so much exploring to do following the scent of the local fox, rabbit or squirrel.

As she emerges happy as can be now mud black on all four legs her next stop is the slow running river we cross to get back to the parking lot. She trots into the water and takes a few gulps as I take off my shoes and socks. She can sense what is coming up. She plays around a bit more and I get her by the collar now myself knee deep in the more than chilly spring water. It is invigorating for about a minute and turns to numbing soon after. So I scoop water onto her with my free hand. She absolutely hates baths but puts up with them in the river or lake. I get her looking clean but the swampy smell will only become apparent when we are back in the confines of the car.

She is panting and happy. Me rolling down the window to get some fresh air while recognizing the elongated buzz in my feet from the shallow yet still intriguing rocky cold river.

The water, the river, the flow – all them participants in the physical cleaning, mood healing and soul rejuvenating that we experience without fail.

Another river that catches my attention and awe is the River of Changes.

The River of Changes constantly runs through our life bringing challenges and opportunities.

From one grassy bank of the river we can observe the opposite bank in confusion. With a victim mentality that is paralyzing.

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Other time’s we are moved to grow. That means thinking what we want and what we can do about it. So.

How do you get to the other side: where there should be a different way of looking at the river. A different story for our life. Will you make it to the other side? Will you tip over and put yourself into danger. Do you have any passengers in your canoe? Maybe attempt a crossing and you just turn back as it is difficult to read the currents and avoid the rocks.

Not worth the risk. The uncertainty.

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Or.

Or you can build a bridge. A bridge you build with a pillars made of bricks of communication. Held together with the mortar of the Three Understandings (what, why, how).

A bridge designed to withstand the current of the river of change. What do you call that Bridge? The bridge that takes us from victim mindset to proactive?

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