Nobody … their soul. The Angry Young Man Series – 1.

Nobody can tell them about their soul.

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Part of the reality of young man anger is they don’t know what is happening to them and don’t know what to do about it.

Religion is natural.

Religion is available.

Religion is our supply chain management system for the soul.

The soul is natural.

The soul is available.

The soul is the energy manager of your life.

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The soul loves your life and will never, ever abandon your life, your well being or your growth.

The soul needs you, it’s host, to provide it with experience so you have life reference. This gives your material/content to understand your intuition. With a broad range of resources to integrate your higher life into daily life you can grasp that not everything is about you. You will have perception based in the truth of the moment. About young men, about consequences and ways to deal with a situation in order to avoid conflict.

So put yourself out there. Meet people, learn stuff, try new things. Get a library card. Read a book. Read the book’s bibliography. Order a book on Amazon!

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An important aspect of understanding the soul is using your habits as a foundation for growing. Habits can build and decorate what we call our comfort zone. Often it actually turns out to be a comfort zone for fear and a prison for the urge to grow.

The soul manages your habits. Feed the soul a portion of habit. And feed the soul a portion of questions that make you stretch towards what you want.

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The soul is your biggest fan. It wants to know what you want and accompany you while you struggle to live out the realization of your objectives.

Your struggle for what you want for your higher life and how you insist on pursuing it is your personal religion. (Read that sentence again … slowly).

(Loop back to the top of this short article – where it talks about religion.)

The Bridge Series – 2

The Bridge connecting your emotions with your words

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We all admit there are areas where we can improve. It’s painful to the ego but a dose of humility can keep many things at bay.

My wife told me I had become very militaristic in my communication with our teenage daughter. I had no idea. Of course I thought I was showing up to do my dad job by instilling good habits. Good intention with poor execution. The reality for my family was that I was now irritating; at best. And my approach would have become alienating if my wife had not mentioned it to me.

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The point is to get more references/ education/ feedback/ input. These are the materials to build a bridge to cross from the ignorant side of the river to the other side. So there can be change from one reality to another – also known as growth:).

Change doesn’t make us wrong. It means we can grow. Especially for adult men this can be a bridge we don’t want to be seen crossing. Often we don’t know how to accept being wrong, or deal with feedback. Especially from our wife or children. Likewise we don’t know how to express ourselves. We don’t know how to say that we want to grow but don’t know how. We don’t know love can be expressed in words as well as actions. Small words, quiet words.

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So to help to grow let’s picture a bridge that can help us cross from one perspective – our current outlook – to integrate a new mentality into our range of options. Your bridge can be made of wood and rope straddling high above the river. Or it can be an abandoned wooden railway bridge, made of massive steel beams or a beautifully designed stone bridge with arches.

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This bridge spans the River of Accompaniment. The water of this river is soothing because it makes us feel welcomed. We are not alone when we take off our shoes to walk ankle deep in the cool, cool water. We switch from the side of loneliness to the other side various times in an hour, day, life depending on our emotional equilibrium.

One side of the river you look up and down the river bank and there is no one; at least no friendlies.

Having built and crossed your bridge to the other side you realize the river is the flourishing of you and others. The river is life. The river is what you make it.

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You crossing the bridge may be an act of desperation because you feel left out and lonely. Paying attention to your spouse according to their need now has relevance to you. Or crossing the Bridge of Strength can be because you want to offer your spouse a good relationship.

The challenge here is manifold. However the response is singular: build a bridge through belief in action.

It’s your bridge. Build it as you wish so that others can experience the best of you. So your family can benefit from your accumulated wisdom from a history of accomplishments. Which is what you want too.

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Build your bridge because you want to understand and accompany your spouse with respect. Even if you don’t really know what you are doing (be that on the dance floor or in bed or at an awkward social gathering or talking about your marriage or stages in life). But there you are looking good and participating.

It’s you leading – laterally. Which moves your marriage forward – simply in a sideways spiral – meaning you won’t be alone.

Where’s The Bridge ?

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There is a swampy bit near the end of our walk in the park ravine where our golden retriever just loves to romp around chest deep in the muck. No doubt the muddy water would be cooling on a hot day but this is April. In Ontario. In a few nooks of shade there can be found caches of snow. Vestiges of a long and beautiful winter. So a dog wouldn’t be needing to cool down too much but for her there is so much exploring to do following the scent of the local fox, rabbit or squirrel.

As she emerges happy as can be now mud black on all four legs her next stop is the slow running river we cross to get back to the parking lot. She trots into the water and takes a few gulps as I take off my shoes and socks. She can sense what is coming up. She plays around a bit more and I get her by the collar now myself knee deep in the more than chilly spring water. It is invigorating for about a minute and turns to numbing soon after. So I scoop water onto her with my free hand. She absolutely hates baths but puts up with them in the river or lake. I get her looking clean but the swampy smell will only become apparent when we are back in the confines of the car.

She is panting and happy. Me rolling down the window to get some fresh air while recognizing the elongated buzz in my feet from the shallow yet still intriguing rocky cold river.

The water, the river, the flow – all them participants in the physical cleaning, mood healing and soul rejuvenating that we experience without fail.

Another river that catches my attention and awe is the River of Changes.

The River of Changes constantly runs through our life bringing challenges and opportunities.

From one grassy bank of the river we can observe in confusion with a victim mentality. Meaning we feel we are not the author of our life nor do we have the resources to be so. Sometimes we do nothing and get stuck in the habit of making this our personal outlook.

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Other time’s we are

Moved to grow. That means thinking what we want and what we can do about it. So.

How do you get to the other side: where there should be a different way of looking at the river. A different story for our life. Do we: use,Helicopter, drone, swim, ferry, canoe? All are viable options. However that means all your energy is invested in the focus required to stay afloat in the hopes of getting to the other side where apparently there is another way of looking at things. Looking at the same river, same flow, same current from another engaging perspective. Will you make it to the other side? Will you tip over and put yourself into danger. Do you have any passengers in your canoe? Maybe attempt a crossing and you just turn back as it is difficult to read the currents and avoid the rocks.

Not worth the risk. The uncertainty.

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Or.

Or you can build a bridge. A bridge you build with a pillars made of bricks of communication. Held together with the mortar of the Three Understandings (what, why, how).

A bridge designed to withstand the current of the river of change. What do you call that Bridge? The bridge that takes us easily (once it is built)from victim mindset to proactive?

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From viewing the water of change flowing in one direction to the opposite direction. Without making anyone wrong or bad. What help do we need?

Your Tribe Man

I said yes right away.

My university roommate emailed me to see if I wanted a ticket to the Canada versus New Zealand rugby game in Toronto. We haven’t been in touch very much over the years but he knew I would be interested.

I was as much interested to see the Haka live as the game itself.

Watch this video:

The Haka is simple in message: unity in pursuit of peace. Since it is originally a Maori Dance of War, that pursuit included the possibility of death which tells me they are serious about their rugby.

The Haka is the full-on song and dance the national rugby team of New Zealand performs before every match. And is it effective in capturing their opponent’s attention? Well the All Blacks, as the team is called, from a 2 island nation of just 3 million people, dominate international rugby. I just checked the rankings and the Kiwis are #1 in the world as of September 30,2019. Awesome!

When another national rugby team plays against Australia or the Springboks of South Africa or Wales or France or Fiji – they are

playing against a national team. But when you play the All Blacks you are facing a tribe. A tribe, as the song illustrates, who seem to unblinkingly accept the battle that may result in death.

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Singing the song at midfield they are living their culture in a way that they feed it and it feeds them.

The Haka is an assertion of belief in their people, the validity of their past and its vitality in the now.

What’s your Haka?

What’s your song and dance to highlight your past and align your now? How do harmonize the support of your team towards a higher goal? Your team is your: body, blood and brains, mind and soul in conjunction with the intense emotion for satisfaction and purpose. This team in harmony with your DNA can provide a strong foundation for you to sing your song and dance your steps.

It is definitely a struggle to be at the vanguard of your own growth and development. That struggle can be rewarding or debilitating. It can be a confusion due to a lack of self love/understanding, disease, lack of guidance.

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So give your song and dance some direction in both your daily and soul lives. Start by naming your tribe of physical mechanisms and spiritual workings. Give it a name. Take the time to find one that reflects the amazing human faculties and your finesse with them. Know that you are the chief of that tribe. Your daily Haka is the song and dance of your refinement of today’s man. Your elevated Haka is the reassurance of being accompanied on the human journey.

Write it down. Move it around. Talk it out. Try it. Sing it. Share it.

The tribe of you through your unique song and dance.

Define Cool

Define ‘Cool’

Tennis great Roger Federer after an awesome back hand winner down the line as he walks pensive to the other side of the court to receive serve. Severely champion cool.

Rupi Kaur the Indian/Canadian poet has her own version of cool: smile, flick of the long black hair with the hand while eyes thinking of how to connect next. Poet cool.

On the inside, after you have done something authentic you are cooling down:

Authentic talent, authentic effort, authentic bringing things together for an elevated result.

Now your blood is reorganizing itself based on the impact of your new experience.

From the outside, this is magnetic to people’s attention even if they don’t know why. They usually don’t know why. This mystical magnetism is what we call cool.

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Create cool.

Cool outfit. Cool car you fixed up. Cool upholding the truth when someone was bad-mouthing your buddy. Cool fade away jumper.

Professional Posers like the Kardashians imitate cool. They are brittle and hollow while the cool you is agile and spontaneous. The cool you is in the zone and loves being loved.

Funny thing is for the real cool what acutally happens is you heat up your blood. In your blood lives your history, your initiative, your best and your worst. Cool means knowing the worst and focusing on your best.

To get to cool you draw on your personal history of struggle, of growing and learning, of visualizing and wanting, recalibrating after a defeat and of allowing yourself to be inspired. Cool comes once you put your vulnerable/yet confident/authentic self out there; living your life now – then you rest and your blood cools down. That’s when you bask in the glow of your cooling blood that loved the vigour of sincere human effort.

Man Cave

 

Man cave.

What is in it?  Cozy?  Messy?  Big enough just for one?  Does it have 2 wheels?

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Where is it?  Does anyone else even know it exists?  What do you do there (besides whatever you want)?  Is it social or for healing?  Do you connect your today with the previous and future you?

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How does it relate to your comfort zone? Is it an escape or reinforcement?
Is life for doing and your cave for being?  is it the shed out back, a canoe from your teenage years,  yoga, the barbecue (in January!)?

Can you make your man cave mobile so you never have to retreat from life or your marriage? So you can stay and figure things out through conversation.

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If you have a Man Cave that helps you regroup for a better tomorrow does that make you a cave man?

 

What does a man marry?

The wedding is just one day.  Vows, wedding dress, toasts, food, speeches, slideshow, dancing, relatives, a childhood friend, a colleague.

The actual marriage is when we marry ourselves with our spouse the rest of our marriage. Without being in any way unfaithful, a man actually marries varied forces on a constant basis to offer his wife on a constant basis for her to use as needed.

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How does he marry forces?

Using his vibrant power –

– using his capabilities to help, to lead and get satisfaction.

A man loves to accompany others in their success and be accompanied in theirs.

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What does he need to do this?:

A man needs a direction to shine his light as a man, a husband.

A man needs a higher purpose to rise above daily whims and challenges.

 

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What is a man’s reality from which to do all this?

It is a mans challenge to combine his abilities and responsibilities in a manner that he can learn from the experience and for the experience to be beneficial for everyone impacted.

Where does he find the internal leverage to receive his reality and improve it in some small way ?

A man is emotionally agile with ready resources that enable him to respond to life with spontaneity not violence.

Said another way:

A man is responsible to keep the embers hot in the fire for life through admiration of others, curiosity and resilience.

Taken to another level – 

Men need to foster their intrinsic male sensitivity.   This is done by marrying this man-fire with their answer to the urge to maintain and strengthen their energetic connections with the higher forces of growth.

Repeat when possible.

Share as you wish.