FF4 – Daughters

Female Frixion Series #4

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The teachers knew that her home life was tempestuous. Occasionally no lunch to eat at lunchtime. Waiting outside the school for half an hour or hour every now and again for someone to pick her up.

She was 8. Her instinct told her it was wrong for her dad to smash her mother’s face in. Still she lived through the many years of lots of blood and stitches. At 18 years old she called the cops on her abusing father. He never hit her mother again; Even when he came back to the house to live. The damage was done.

My wife, who was the 8 year old girl with no lunch, is still traumatized. But, refusing to be a victim her proactive nature helps her as a mother raising our girls to know their abilities and responsibilities. They are to be responsible for their own income so they don’t have to put up with any garbage from the father of their children based on financial need. They are responsible for their own emotions. They can cook (clean – not so much). They have shown they can love and be loved. They want to love and be loved. And not just by their mom. They are realizing they have the abilities to start and run their own business.

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We either want our children to replicate one of our childhood experiences when we feel it was an important ingredient in the good person part of us or we want to help them avoid like the plague a negative experience that has kept us from being happier. Happier and just overall better. Because had we been able to avoid that detrimental experience in our formation we might have been able to maintain our natural connection with the true trajectory of our life.

It’s painful for a parent to see when someone or some event deviates their child from their flourishing and self realization. It’s really painful when that someone is the daughter herself because she has low self esteem. Yet it’s more painful when the obstacle to a dynamic daughter is mama herself.

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So a mother will, out of unselfish love, superimpose her Female Frixion onto her daughter thinking the same thing that screwed up her high school years will befall her daughter. This can mean mother’s care doesn’t allow her to listen to what is actually happening in her daughter’s life.

As for the daughter when does she become aware of the feeling of the frixion? She is just learning about the nastiness that life can throw at a woman. Mom knows too well the variety, degree and damage of the nastiness.

The daughter is intensely living the adventure/romance aspect of life. She juggles some career preparation (school) and is being heavily influenced by the mothering vignettes she absorbs.

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Mom is feeling the reality of the Female Frixion and wants her daughter’s life to have better everything: Better romantic life, better career path, a better mother experience than hers. Mom’s intention is sincere but quite difficult to accept by a daughter whose focus is feeling her emotions in the moment. Cue the screaming, insults and slamming bedroom doors followed by 🤬.

It is vital a mother participates in her daughter’s understanding of the Female frixion. It is equally important that it be understood by all (mom, daughter, dad, brother, boyfriend, grandma) that the daughter’s version and expression of the Female Frixion will be unique. Therefore different to mom’s. Likely messy and frightening(for mom). Still equally as valid as mom’s.

Mom and daughter will have different ratios of the 3 roles, different timings of each role flourishing, varying resources to stick handle the friction at work and home.

Maybe the daughter has children. Maybe not. Maybe she gets married. Maybe not. Maybe she runs her own business. Maybe not.

A daughter needs her mother.

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Daughters need to listen to mothers.

Daughters need to hear from their mother about the Female Frixion. What it is, how to deal with it internally and how to communicate it.

Can mothers use their beautiful-potent-mother-love with finesse so their daughter’s development is not the sequel of their mother’s childhood longings and life traumas?

Not easy.

WITBOY3 – Find A Way

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Finding a way to improve my intention is a priority

Vacuums are frustrating. Especially if you don’t like to clean. And aren’t mechanically inclined.

And hate to admitting you are cheap.

The industrial vacuums can do a good job and last a while if taken care of. Even though they too have designed obsolescence (of about 1 year of regular use) and cheap plastic parts, most brands are reliable. But one of those would be way too bulky for my pint size condo.

Then my wife’s asking why spend $300 on a new vacuum that might give you 2 years service when a used one can do the same thing for $10. This time I agree with my wife.

So we bring home the new-to-us vacuum and fire it up as we didn’t test it in the second hand store. It is a plastic, black and turquoise creation that would make a decent R2 unit on StarWars. It starts fine and vacuums well enough but there is a stench.

Being the local fixer I drop a little Essential oil on the foam air filter and Bam – no smell! For 2 minutes.

Then back to the cheesy foot smell.

Upon further investigation it becomes clear nobody- the person who donated it, the store who checked if it worked and sold it nor the customer (me:)) had cleaned the filter. It was dirty. It was packed. With gunk and other people’s dirty stuff. And once clean it worked perfectly:)

To get the most out of life keep your filter clean so the experience you have is the true, best experience in the moment.

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Dirty filters mean although our eyes and ears are open, we hear how the situation impacts us as opposed to what is actually happening.

Dirty filters mean going through the motions. Dirty filters means repeating the same mistakes.

A clean filter is refreshing and is forgiveness. A clean filter is living in the moment. A clean filter is liberating your instinct. A clean filter is you when you answer your devotional life by seeking higher perception.

This higher education we can submit into daily life to improve it for ourselves, for community, tribe, for those future people who struggle with engaging humanity.

Submit it through a beautiful range of ways including: telling jokes, telling stories, inventing ceremonies, exuding love of your higher self, respect of what is foreign to you, loving and being loved.

They Don’t Understand Women – AYM4

How young men end up being angry young men and probably violent even though they don’t want to be.

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A man by design is an authentic, brave, believing expression of the man version of human.

Alas, what you meet on the street or get into an elevator with is likely an insecure jumble of random goals, half baked intentions and unrealistic self-help affirmations.

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Regardless of his facade many a man is a cocktail of doubt and aggression. In many of us men this seamlessly translates into very little self-confidence to access our natural emotional agility to be able to listen. We can listen. We listen to deliver satisfaction. However if the person speaking seeks fulfillment, instead of getting either satisfaction or fulfillment, we have conflict.

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Men are great at one thing: being men. The art of Being a man is doing that one thing to get many results. Like going to work pays you money but also brings you satisfaction, admiration from your family, peace for spouse/children and life education for challenges ahead.

Society’s life education about men and women is lacking to the point of being harmful. Therefore the level of man in the world today is low when compared to our abilities and innate sentiments.

It is exactly these beautiful emotions a man has for those who surround him that he needs to shine on himself. That way each man can be his own salvation or inspiration or …

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Now because women are naturally different they very often arrive at certain insights via different avenues before a man does. Women might assume that men will, and should, have complimentary insights.

Our history of interpersonal conflict illustrates that men don’t work like that at a societal level. We can create a new narrative for men.

A man connected to his natural spontaneity, vision and get-up-and-go will have put himself in the position to observe the similarities with women in the desire to grow and the differences in their expressions.

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Nobody … their soul. The Angry Young Man Series – 1.

Nobody can tell them about their soul.

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Part of the reality of young man anger is they don’t know what is happening to them and don’t know what to do about it.

Religion is natural.

Religion is available.

Religion is our supply chain management system for the soul.

The soul is natural.

The soul is available.

The soul is the energy manager of your life.

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The soul loves your life and will never, ever abandon your life, your well being or your growth.

The soul needs you, it’s host, to provide it with experience so you have life reference. This gives your material/content to understand your intuition. With a broad range of resources to integrate your higher life into daily life you can grasp that not everything is about you. You will have perception based in the truth of the moment. About young men, about consequences and ways to deal with a situation in order to avoid conflict.

So put yourself out there. Meet people, learn stuff, try new things. Get a library card. Read a book. Read the book’s bibliography. Order a book on Amazon!

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An important aspect of understanding the soul is using your habits as a foundation for growing. Habits can build and decorate what we call our comfort zone. Often it actually turns out to be a comfort zone for fear and a prison for the urge to grow.

The soul manages your habits. Feed the soul a portion of habit. And feed the soul a portion of questions that make you stretch towards what you want.

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The soul is your biggest fan. It wants to know what you want and accompany you while you struggle to live out the realization of your objectives.

Your struggle for what you want for your higher life and how you insist on pursuing it is your personal religion. (Read that sentence again … slowly).

(Loop back to the top of this short article – where it talks about religion.)

Satisfaction and Fulfillment

marek-mucha-741042-unsplash                  Photo by Marek Mucha on Unsplash

 

Get a grasp on this topic to understand how different people do what they do and why.

 

And the key here is that when we understand this crucial concept it does not create an obstacle for people but gives us the opportunity for clarity.  Having a sense for when somebody is looking for satisfaction as opposed to searching for fulfillment can help to avoid lots of problems that get in the way of getting what you want.

Satisfaction means getting something done so you can get to the next thing.

Fulfillment is living the experience of realizing the accomplishment of something.

They are not competing concepts though that can be the experience a lot of us have in our relationship and professional lives.  In taking a look at a real life example what better place to look at than marriage.  We don’t all get married but we all have experience with marriage in its broad range of expressions whether from living with our parents or observing friends’ parents.

Often, for men the wedding fulfills the desire be in a relationship that makes both of you happy.  The years of marriage that follow , again for the man, can be a series of satisfactions.   Basically a decreasing degree of fulfillment as time goes by.

The woman takes the courting of being boyfriend-girlfriend as a romantic connection fulfilling her vision she has built in her mind of being fiancees, walking down the aisle and going on the honeymoon . The man uses the same steps into marriage to fulfill his desire to get the girl – before someone else does.   So they are both finding fulfillment together but not for the same reason.  They end up married to each other with same anniversary and wedding photos but their concept and feelings about the marriage are ongoingly divergent.

So when the first, second, … fifth anniversary comes around the wife rekindles the romance of the wedding and courtship.  For those same moments the man is checking things off his list: dinner reservation, flowers.  It feels good to him that his wife approves of his thinking in advance of the details – and getting them right.  So he is investing satisfaction level emotion into the anniversary and she is investing fulfillment level emotion.  It’s not that fulfillment is any better that satisfaction because it is not.  The problem is they are different and if she is expecting fulfillment emotion in return from him on their anniversary and she can feel he is in it for satisfaction then there is conflict.  She doesn’t understand why he isn’t more in their moment, more reminiscent, more romantic.  He doesn’t know what the big deal is!

What happened?!  The love is gone!!!  Not necessarily.  He may love that she gets so excited about their anniversary night getting all dressed up and telling her friends where they are going for dinner.  Being an agent of her happiness may be fulfilling for him but their anniversary is just part of the whole marriage package – therefore it falls into the satisfaction category.

The night is not relegated to satisfaction out of malice but by nature of what it means to him.  Of course there are men who cannot overcome their relationship issues with their partner and things do get personal and minimizing the importance of their anniversary could be a revenge tactic by him.

At the beginning of the relationship/marriage they are using each other to make themselves happy.  A by product of them achieving happiness is it makes their partner happy too.  Win – win. 

They are both fulfilled.

There is a breakdown in the relationship when he using his partner to get happy does not make her happy.  Regardless if he is seeking satisfaction or fulfillment, if it does not reciprocate in either of those two categories then we have an imbalance.  This will negatively impact the possibility of either person finding satisfaction or fulfillment in their marriage.  They might find it elsewhere and likely will be it work, hobbies, friends or an affair.

How can we be proactive?

We can open up the topic with our partner, give examples of what satisfies and fulfills us.   Then find a way to recognize, manage, prioritize, change and grow.  Find satisfaction in their fulfillment.   Love their satisfaction of cooking from scratch, gardening, organizing the garage, talking with their mother every day.  Love their fulfillment in fixing the broken window themselves, helping her sister, their annual reunion …

yann-allegre-1381076-unsplashPhoto by Yann Allegre on Unsplash

 

 

Happy Birthday

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Photo by Tom Henderson on Unsplash

 

Today is the birthday party for the forest.
You are invited!
Dress for the occasion:)
And, well, yesterday was a forest birthday too.
You guessed it, there will be one tomorrow too.
How does that work?

The forest is always growing.
Always giving birth to new plants, trees, flowers, sounds, experiences.

So what are you going to give as your present to the forest – next time you go?
Here are some suggestions: clean up plastic bottles on the riverbed, turn off the music on your phone and try and figure out what the birds are chirping about, chuckle at the sincerity with which the grey squirrel is so attentive with those big eyes and bushy tail, listen to the wind orchestrate the canopy dance way up there.

Or you can offer the forest a person who loves themselves.

All of these are valid gifts to the forest.
The forest loves our attention, our mental focus, our human resonance.

So, bring …
Love of soaking up the fresh forest feel.
Appreciation that the high forest realms love your return.
Accepting being part of the celebration of the growth of the forest.

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Photo by Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash

I have been married for 15 years

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Photo by Jenny Caywood on Unsplash

I have been married for 15 years.  I am not sure what is happening.  I think though it is worth keeping going to try and figure it out a bit more.  At least in my case.  Every marriage is different.  I have found how to mold myself around my family which I really enjoy for the benefits because i get time to myself.  I don’t need a man cave because I just get up earlier than everyone and live in my tiptoe world in the morning.  Take the dog for a walk, write or make funny meditation attempts or clean up and start to make coffee.  I would have not scripted it this way but it really works for me and my wife.   And I really need to be smart with that time because the sun comes up quickly whether you’re married or not.  So marriage …

It’s not an institution – that is where non politically correct crazy people are shipped off to.
What we end up doing to the experience of marriage would indicate that many of us are candidates to be shipped of as well.

Marriage is a good thing. Put another way marriage is a great thing.
I recommend it to everyone. It is made difficult by our lack of understanding.
Wouldn’t it be crazy to have a Marriage Day in high school. You know, just like Professional Day when a few moms and dads come in and talk to the students about what they do for a living and how they got to where they are now. The idea is that students will make decisions that support their professional growth if they have some reference and guidance about the path of professionalism.
Likewise, for Marriage Day at school the students get exposed to the experience of people in their community as a service to help them form their mind sets on an aspect of their life that has huge impact. So one parent would come in and have 15 minutes to talk to the class about the realities of marriage. Then their spouse comes in and talk for 15 minutes to the same class. Students then discuss what they heard. For example highlighting how the two partners might have very different approach to the same aspect of marriage. No doubt the students would have their own ideas based on their experiences of marriages that they observe. Young people are actually starving to know what is healthy relationship and learn how to live in a healthy marriage. And, when you think about it, not just young people – everyone.

Marriage is its own entity. It actually isn’t your marriage. It is your wedding with the gown, vows, bachelor party, reception, photos. But it isn’t your marriage. You are married not to your husband or wife. You are married to the marriage and the other participant in that marriage is your spouse.
Marriage is a union that petitions us for growth by the virtue of it not being for any one person – for neither person. We get the benefit of companionship and care from our loved one but the marriage gives a result to the history and life of marriage.
Marriage is service. Yes to your partner but that is simply to keep them in good stead so they continue participating in the marriage.
A little weird take on marriage but it can help us understand that marriage is a service industry.
Service to our spouse and to who or what ever benefits from the produce of marriage. Children are the produce of intercourse – not marriage.
Marriage is a human endeavour, one of the many. If you never marry then your human endeavours will be other – seek them out.

The planet is impacted by every single person and every single one of their thoughts, words and actions. Marriage being a service to something greater than oneself (while we receive some personal benefits along the way) is what feeds the planet with higher human produce – electro-magnetic activity. It is the nature of marriage of being not about ones ego as a first principle yet requiring our ego and soul to exist, grow and produce results like: respect, understanding of women, encouraging the man to flourish, learning the many arts of waiting – and of listening, being flexible, forgiving. We molt out of old habits and foster new habits that develop into rituals. The kinds of rituals that feed the marriage and the participants on ego and soul levels.
This produce is available to the next marriage that comes along in the example that is visible to see in daily life and the electrical avenues along which a living marriage can flow.

Marriage is …