Lable yourself = love and be loved



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Love and be loved  = Lable 

Seek something to love in the other person and Offer them something to love.

Make the higher more important than the lower – as a first step look for solidarity-in- love with others.  If they can’t locate their higher self then be their external resource for them to generate self love.  Think about it – now – and again.


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Ego love.  Love the service that your ego provides to your higher development life.  The ego level of you needs approval and attention to be included and feel important.  So you seek people that give you all those things.  But not at the expense of your ability to grow.  Remember My Best Ego is the foundation for your Higher Soul.  

Who taught you how to love?

Excellent question …

John Eli Garay, MBA/MS, LAC

I’ve been privileged to sit underneath the multitude of talented & knowledgeable teachers. My life journey took me through the public school system, community colleges, 3 different universities, and to earning graduate degrees in business administration & psychology. In addition I’ve sat under advanced theological teachings in church settings & personal growth seminars. However, a few years ago I had the realization that, in all my learning, no one ever taught me how to love. And yes, I have been presented theory on what love should look like (especially in church settings), but many of the examples presented to me fell far from the standard given.

How did you learn to love?
Who taught you?
How do you personally know that you are loving others to the fullest?
These are a sample of questions that I ask others on my journey to be a more loving husband, son, friend…

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The Solidarity of Self Love

hean-prinsloo-1497266-unsplashPhoto by Hean Prinsloo on Unsplash


When you wake up and go to the bathroom you many not like what you see  in the mirror.   Those greenish purple bags under your eyes and wrinkles appearing or deepening.  Let’s not even start with that emerging belly …

If you experience yourself at an elevated level then you will love yourself.    Is that because you are such a great person?  Maybe:)  But really that is the normal sensation when we find ourselves in an elevated state of energy.   It has to do with less judgement and more understanding in the higher levels of the planet’s energy.

The Soul is always guiding us into growing and learning; positive and willing.  Creating routines and rituals that accompany your Soul is an effective and sustainable way to elevate your energy.  Being of sincere service to others is a rewarding way to elevate.  Reflecting on the grace and reliability of planet Earth can generate refined appreciation.
It is when we limit ourselves to daily level energy that love is challenged.
Insisting that our knowledge and love come from daily, ego friendly resources means we are fluent in: guilt and blame, judgement and doubts, arrogance and bitterness separated by random occurrences of compassion, appreciation, patience and possibly humility.

Knowing yourself at your Higher Soul level is to grasp that you are a congress of body, mind, Soul and Spirit.   Acting through any one of these agents of growth we can satisfy many development urges on our trajectory of energy elevation.

Find others on this trajectory.  Seek this solidarity of Self Love where others understand that what we give in appreciation or service to life we receive manifold in peace and perceptions.
Insist on your participation in this League of Souls who accept the task of elevating one’s energy level.
Practice Self Love in big and small ways. Learn what self love looks like in the short and long term. Apply the impact of self love to: health, business, parenting, marriage…
What is self love at different levels of energy and different stages of life?

To be clear the Self Love being talked about the appreciation for one as a person/man/woman.  This is Self Love as a foundation for growth in the subsequent stages of life.  A good reference to get a grasp on this is The Wild Coach post:

Your Best Ego



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When we embody Self Love we realize each person is to arrive at it in their own way of positive elevation through the permutations of: love, knowledge and self knowledge.  So we are in solidarity with their development journey.  We can learn from their unique persuasions of Self Love in the challenges of daily life.

Find the folks who are insistent on taking responsibility for their Self Love while at the same time sharing the struggle and the fruits.  As always you can look to nature – to the forest – for examples of the Solidarity of Self Love in action.  A reality where one loves themselves but not at the expense of their own growth or participating with others.


You have no equal

You are a unique universal event



When you are needed be ready with what they need.


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1. When they need direction use your sense of purpose to make your life interesting.

2.  When they need to establish standards offer them ideas of where to put their energy.

3. When they need to prioritize show them how to measure the relevance of things.

4. When they lack self love show them a person who radiates self knowledge.

5 .When they have initiative show them how not to fill it – let it be filled.

6. When they are searching for connection help them handle success and failure.

7. When they are decisive find out their beliefs.

Make Important things Important


hean-prinsloo-1519740-unsplashPhoto by Hean Prinsloo on Unsplash

My golden retriever didn’t go pee for about 10 minutes.  She had been in the van almost 2 hours but when she jumped out she could smell something.  My wife thought it was a skunk but it was late March and they didn’t seem to common during the spring thaw.  Her retriever nose was sniffing so much I thought she was going to hyperventilate because I didn’t hear any exhale.  She was pulling hard on the long red leash taking us to the edge of the gravel/mud/grass parking lot of the fairgrounds.  She made her search for possible squirrels/rabbits/chipmunks or even a fox – the all consuming priority.  Completely focused.  Admirable.

Apply that to us.

Make Important Things important.

Everything has a reason.

But not everything merits the same amount of investment of your energy.

Our daily life challenge is to educate ourselves how to manage our energy.  Implicit in this education is to identify and prioritize the higher purpose we all have that tugs at our sub conscious.  As a way to self educate (instead of self medicate with delusions or distractive hobbies or actual drugs) is to know what we can do for ourselves about ourselves.

We can build our ego into our Best Ego because it is the foundation for growth.

We can find soul level resources from inspiring people, from our Faith, from nature, from taking the time to be in the moment.  This soul level is important because it is where lives the residue of the human qualities we uphold.


Human is important because it is where we get meaning for continuance

So we can see not everything has the same role or purpose because there are different levels of energy and fatality that they are connected to.  Being petty and impatient is connected to an egotistical ego that is addicted to incoming, positive energy about it; only.  Your Best Ego has a lot of positive energy about how you interact in the world to get an overflowing result that makes you feel great and endears you to people.  Best Ego energy has the role of making today, now, you the best – for a good reason.  That reason is …

The Soul

Soul energy has the role of getting you destinic.  Of giving you the sense of being part of a greater purpose.  That greater purpose comes to use via the agency of …

The spirit.  The role of the spirit is to stay true to itself.  The by product of that is we have the opportunity to partner our life with spirit level future.

Big Stuff!

Amazing stuff.

Think about it!

Do something about it!:)

Make your ego your Best Ego because it is important that you believe in you and what you do.  This is important because it supports your soul.  Let your curiosity make following your soul urges important aspect of your life.  Both of these say to the higher realms that you believe the spirit is important.

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The Conflict of the 3 lives Vs Man Dealing


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In the hit movie Crazy Rich Asians the mother of the protagonist is Eleanor Young played by Michelle Yeoh.  She plays the part with icy precision.  She tells her son Nick’s latest girlfriend Rachel that a woman does not follow her personal passion at the expense of her family duty.  That comment encapsulates the conflict that women have to deal with.  The task of prioritizing and investing energy and time in one aspect of their life at the expense of others.  Specifically being looked at here are three aspects of our life: the adventure life, the professional life and the maternal life.

Now men have their paternal life that they have also to balance with the satisfaction of their professional and emotional lives.  A man’s life can be rich, deep and layered (not that guys ever talk about it).  However it seems that the internal management of these three lives does not incur the same degree of internal conflict as it does in a woman.  That is not to say that men are better at personal life management because we all know that isn’t true.  There are many a man out there who is lost inside himself and would be lost in his daily life if a woman (mother, girlfriend, sister, or his partner) did not keep him on track with a progression of simple life hacks.

It is not that hard to see how  this difference between men and women can then lead to conflict between them.  Men often can’t grasp how these same three categories of daily life instigate so much drama in a woman.  For the man there is no conflict between these lives.  They are to be prioritized and dealt with.  Welcome to  ‘Man Dealing’.

An expression of Man Dealing can be that he understands, in the moment, that his wife needs what she needs.  Whether it be a massage, arrive home to a clean house or to jump in her car and see someone filled the car with gas so she doesn’t have to stand out there in the wind of a blowing cold, dark January morning for five minutes filling the thing up.  The uncomplicated way of Man Dealing can be useful and efficient.  Not to mention a huge relief so a woman doesn’t have to ask for things or explain why she wants them.

On the other hand the cold satisfaction of Man Dealing can be a massive frustration for women and has no doubt played a part in many an argument.  This can involve him getting angry, fed up, frustrated from his lack of understanding of these three life currents.  A woman feels these currents as three distinct tributaries flowing into a greater river.  A man sees one river, feels one river and makes decisions based on that river.  And that is why, at least inside the man, there is no conflict.  So, according to him, there is nothing to talk about .  Its pretty straightforward.

These life currents have different implications for a woman.  Having children does not impact a man and woman in the same way: physically, psychologically and in terms of the Satisfaction and Fulfillment experience (see my article on Satisfaction and Fulfillment on The Wild Coach blog).  With the hope/expectancy/preparation of having children means the Professional life of a woman will almost certainly be on hiatus, stop or change.  Having a child or children quite possibly translates into less of an adventure life.  Adventure can mean romance, travel, active social life, independence.   Having a family is a nuclear reaction in a woman’s maternal life.

So for women it is a conflict that is not a problem.   However many a problem has been born from the poor management of this reality by both men and women.   There is no female deficiency or lack of feminine perception.   Communication is a two way street.

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Your Best Ego


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In February a pipe burst on the second floor parking garage and flooded the elevator bay in our condo.  This had two major impacts.

One was we couldn’t use the elevator for 2 days.  We had to, get ready for it, use the stairs.  We are on the 11th floor so it was a work out.  I work from home so I was in and out about 4 times that day as usual walking the dog etc.  The exercise actually felt good and I thought I should do it more often.

The other issue was that the drywall by the elevators was damaged and they had to replace some wires.  The wires went behind the four long mirrors in the elevator bay.  They had to take out two of the mirrors and boarded the up with plywood.  It has been like that for 6 weeks.  When you rely on those mirrors to confirm how you look to the world it can really throw you off your game.  Especially when you have been coming out of those elevators for years and habitually being pulled to your reflection.  Good thing there area about 10 more mirrors in the lobby to confirm my looks.

Not unrelated to my ego and how I look is how I grow.  I grow up through my ego into My Best Ego.

Your Best Ego can help you see your abilities as a woman/man. This can lead to perception about you as a lady/gentleman. So you using your ego as an agent for growth is a great ego boost:) As in your ego boosting you up the energy scale to connect with higher realms that can be of use when you are challenged in life. Times when you need the mental and emotional agility to find reasons of how and why to keep maturing as opposed to being petty or lazy. As opposed to being flat-lined by society and a lack of life education leading to perception. You Best Ego is part of the foundation that can receive and handle the call for you as human. You as the human embodiment of spirit.

So ego is useful.
You full of ego is dangerous.
Your ego is not the answer for personal growth endeavours. That is the territory of you the woman/man who can manage the divergent tasks of daily demands and a search for soul understandings.

Ego is good to get you through your day.
Your Best Ego will get you through the day intact as a person on a development journey so that you have the energy to follow through on those urges to be quiet, to wonder about the soul, to want to be of service to the planet and your community.
And to have your life decisions uphold your spiritual growth.

My ego is egotistical. So is yours.
Your Best Ego is funny, proud, vulnerable and has a huge bounce back factor from the challenges of life.  In the end it is about what you make possible: the elevations of you! Along the way (as you discover the how and why of your elevations) you need to make money and have friends and help your family and have learning experiences and struggle with the various aspects of well being.
Your Best Ego knows that a lower level ego has an incredibly addictive personality that is dictatorial on all things in its life: people, love, time. So it is to recognize that we don’t need to go to the gym and build ego muscles that make us bulky strong but not so flexible. More along the lines of ego yoga that makes us supple for what life throws at us and ready for the invitation to grow into a surprising you.

Knowing what you want in Your Best Ego is an empowering life decision. Take the time to make the delineation between run of the mill, dollar store ego and Your Best Ego.

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Stop The Presses


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The Joker is mesmerized by the photo of Vicki Vale in a photo and says …
you guessed it,
“Stop the presses!!!”

That was from the Batman movie of 1989 with Jack Nicholson falling in lust for Kim Bassinger.  That was when we knew what the phrase meant and where it actually came from.

Even with the decline of print media it is still a great phrase to communicate your amazement at something that takes you by surprise – like when you walk by your teenager’s room freshly cleaned room?!:)

The ‘presses’ being alluded to here are a few incumbent processes on our developing lives.  Depression is getting more air time these days and that is great for those who can use the relief of being able to just talk about what they are feeling as a way to ‘take out the garbage’ and move on.  That is one of the presses: depression.  One of the pressures we feel as we grow and struggle with everything from identity to career choice to life partner choice to adding and subtracting to our beliefs.  Unto itself depression is sickening but it can somehow deliver a sense of belonging that can confuse us into thinking we want to stay under that cloud. That we are happier where we are depressed?!?

Repression of emotions is another effective and common press – ure we feel on a daily basis.  We don’t speak our mind at work about our feelings regarding incompetent politicians that seem to be multiplying internationally. Or we resist challenging cultural assumptions like polite Canadians, ignorant Americans, feminism or manism (what it means to be putting authentic man into the world).  These are daily emotions that we may not speak, we repress, for fear or repercussions.

Repression continues when we resist answering any kind of higher calling.  A higher calling doesn’t imply the priesthood – but it comes from the same source for the same reason.  This is where our society (education, religion, corporate) is failing – in a big bad way.  Soul satisfaction is calling, is available, is normal/natural/necessary and we aren’t sure who is calling, why, what the message is and how to respond.  We repress our searching urge with elegant distractions like shopping, social media, hobbies, travel and even religion.  In fact none of these things is bad and some are excellent manners of personal growth but not at the expense of souling.  Feeling lost is the best thing that can happen to you if can locate the desire, the external help, the internal resources to forge your path into the future.  We can’t kid ourselves – there are very few of us in our daily lives who use same the tools and techniques of living a modern life to investigate and understand what to do about fate and destiny.  We repress the real reality of being called to a development journey and its painful.

Compressor – compression – compress – that’s the name of the game.  Take life and get the residue out of it that is valuable for daily success and elevated connection. Go for it!  Try it.  Think about it.  Ask the morning breeze about it as you walk through the park early morning, lunch break, late evening.

GPS means Good People Soul


falco-negenman-676812-unsplashPhoto by Falco Negenman on Unsplash


The 3 year old child that lives on the floor above us really doesn’t make that much noise. As in I have never lost any sleep or been woken up by him/her.
I can’t say that about the young guy who used to live beside us and have friends over (they weren’t parties according to him). My daughter would be kept up late at night or woken up many times – and she was really tired the next day.

How we manage our energy determines a lot about what we do and what we become. Personal energy management is exposed to various factors that can challenge its effectiveness. Sleep, as we saw above, or any other aspect of health that is not in well being can be a drag on our physical, mental and personal health.

Since in school we generally are not introduced to the concept of a development journey or the idea of levels of energy it can be really useful to take the time to find a few practical tools that can help us deal with daily life and still have a little time and desire to pursue an active soul life.

Lower levels of energy are heavier or coarser and impede your best you. You won’t be as willing to grow or have the same insights about how to address all the challenges and opportunities of life with coarse energy. Energy, as it elevates is refining and fosters your mind to be agile and look for a positive way forward in life.


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One way to delve further into these gradients of energy is through the 3 levels of you: Ego, Soul, Spirit. Another way you can call them is: You, Man/Woman, Higher self.

Each level of energy is a natural state to be in for any of us. However we don’t spend our whole life in just one level. Nowadays I think it is safe to say that most of us spend 80% of our time in the Ego level. Then perhaps 18 or 19% on the Soul leaving just 1% for the Human Spirit.

If we find ourselves looking for meaning in life or a sense of purpose in our personal and professional life then having a specific strategy for energy management can be useful. Simply put it can be broken down to the Ego level of your life gets FEELING energy. This means it is about how you feel about you in the moment. This is important but not very powerful because it is about just one person.

The next level is the Man / Woman level as we grow into our abilities to use life’s twists and turns to help us develop into an honourable person. This soul level of us gets EMOTION energy. This energy is about human qualities and so it is a much more powerful energy. So in fact the more we want energy and attention for our ego self it is recommended to focus more of our time into the human level of us because being in service to something bigger than oneself makes us more attractive. This may seem like a funny apparent contradiction. However it can pay off for all levels of our life and for those around us as we become a person whose words are congruent with their actions and therefore can be trusted by the people around us to follow through.

Level 3 of 3 – the Higher You; Spirit realms. And quite often unknown territory. We can feel this aspect of ourselves when we are out in the park or forest early morning. A few birds are chirping and a fox lopes away at the sound of our footsteps. There is a connection that has been built overnight in the park between the energies of the natural life that we walk into and are graced by. The energy of this sensation feels peaceful. When we try to visually locate it it seems elusive – dashing behind a tree. It is the finer levels of natural energies that we can connect to and arrive at clarity about what we think about and we are worried about – what we want our life to be about. Because it is about what you want in the spiritual context it is the energy of PASSION. What we want others to know about us as we really are. This can have the greatest impact on: all levels of our life, those around us, those yet to come and the atmosphere of the planet.

Find what words can locate you in each level of your life and use those words to become the person you want to be at each level.

I have been married for 15 years


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I have been married for 15 years.  I am not sure what is happening.  I think though it is worth keeping going to try and figure it out a bit more.  At least in my case.  Every marriage is different.  I have found how to mold myself around my family which I really enjoy for the benefits because i get time to myself.  I don’t need a man cave because I just get up earlier than everyone and live in my tiptoe world in the morning.  Take the dog for a walk, write or make funny meditation attempts or clean up and start to make coffee.  I would have not scripted it this way but it really works for me and my wife.   And I really need to be smart with that time because the sun comes up quickly whether you’re married or not.  So marriage …

It’s not an institution – that is where non politically correct crazy people are shipped off to.
What we end up doing to the experience of marriage would indicate that many of us are candidates to be shipped of as well.

Marriage is a good thing. Put another way marriage is a great thing.
I recommend it to everyone. It is made difficult by our lack of understanding.
Wouldn’t it be crazy to have a Marriage Day in high school. You know, just like Professional Day when a few moms and dads come in and talk to the students about what they do for a living and how they got to where they are now. The idea is that students will make decisions that support their professional growth if they have some reference and guidance about the path of professionalism.
Likewise, for Marriage Day at school the students get exposed to the experience of people in their community as a service to help them form their mind sets on an aspect of their life that has huge impact. So one parent would come in and have 15 minutes to talk to the class about the realities of marriage. Then their spouse comes in and talk for 15 minutes to the same class. Students then discuss what they heard. For example highlighting how the two partners might have very different approach to the same aspect of marriage. No doubt the students would have their own ideas based on their experiences of marriages that they observe. Young people are actually starving to know what is healthy relationship and learn how to live in a healthy marriage. And, when you think about it, not just young people – everyone.

Marriage is its own entity. It actually isn’t your marriage. It is your wedding with the gown, vows, bachelor party, reception, photos. But it isn’t your marriage. You are married not to your husband or wife. You are married to the marriage and the other participant in that marriage is your spouse.
Marriage is a union that petitions us for growth by the virtue of it not being for any one person – for neither person. We get the benefit of companionship and care from our loved one but the marriage gives a result to the history and life of marriage.
Marriage is service. Yes to your partner but that is simply to keep them in good stead so they continue participating in the marriage.
A little weird take on marriage but it can help us understand that marriage is a service industry.
Service to our spouse and to who or what ever benefits from the produce of marriage. Children are the produce of intercourse – not marriage.
Marriage is a human endeavour, one of the many. If you never marry then your human endeavours will be other – seek them out.

The planet is impacted by every single person and every single one of their thoughts, words and actions. Marriage being a service to something greater than oneself (while we receive some personal benefits along the way) is what feeds the planet with higher human produce – electro-magnetic activity. It is the nature of marriage of being not about ones ego as a first principle yet requiring our ego and soul to exist, grow and produce results like: respect, understanding of women, encouraging the man to flourish, learning the many arts of waiting – and of listening, being flexible, forgiving. We molt out of old habits and foster new habits that develop into rituals. The kinds of rituals that feed the marriage and the participants on ego and soul levels.
This produce is available to the next marriage that comes along in the example that is visible to see in daily life and the electrical avenues along which a living marriage can flow.

Marriage is …