Transcendence – An excerpt from a book on Satisfaction

Photo by Devon Hawkins on Unsplash

In the chapter on Habits, Routines and Rituals we saw how champion chess player Bobby Fischer was able to rise above his own opening Routine in order to win.  He made the moment more important than the past.  In the intense public spotlight and with years of the same opening move he was still able to think for himself.  At the same time he may have been in service to a higher master: world champion status.

And this is the challenge.  In the moment of battle, be it world chess championship or an argument in your marriage, can you address the adversarial with spontaneity.  Is there a higher level of meaning or connection that you seek?  This search will lubricate your options at the lower levels.  Like when you give in and just agree with your wife when things get heated so you avoid a yelling match.

Be Self Transcendental…  Mystical sounding terminology.  Mysterious allusions to sessions wrapped in incense and chanting.  But what it boils down to is you getting over yourself.  Getting over your low emotions about what is happening to you.  Getting over your reaction to the Life Stage you are experiencing.  Getting over your lack of foresight and discipline or spontaneity and self belief.  

Transcending your history allows you to be persuaded by your instinct, so the moment flows through you, the light radiates out from you.

The world doesn’t need your version of the hero/victim emotional pendulum.  Meaning that you think your ideas are awesome yet you are still under appreciated and hard done by life.  As a result you are going to usurp conversation as your therapy.  So that when you are finished talking you feel better.  That is not fair to conversation or the other person.   But it does make sense.

The nature of conversation is therapeutic.  It is the back and forth aspect of people emptying out that massages their existing feelings and ideas so they can bring in new ones.  It is the give and take of talk and listen, of confirm and refine. It’s refusing to be brought down by a person or topic while resisting judging others for where they are in the moment.  If we realize how to benefit from it, conversation offers transcendence in pairs, teams or groups. 

How do you transcend the darkness and step toward the light  – by yourself and for yourself? How do you use your past and not be used by it?  How do you rise above your fear, your stress, your limits, your anger and assumptions?  

Awesome options include::

  • Embracing  Humility/Humanity = Seek a connection with nature and offer others a person on a development journey
  • Updating your Beliefs
  • Highlighting Your Best Ego
  • Being responsible for who you are, what you are doing and the associations of who you are with.
  • Forgive.

Mind Sprout: Transcending yesterday’s Satisfaction to get a new, different Satisfaction does not make yesterday dumb or waste of time. That is how growth works. Who knows exactly why you had to be the way you were yesterday.

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Seek Connection

Change is not the focus.  That’s doing things the hard way. . That’s the style of military basic training.   Where they break down the new recruits as a means to build them back up again according to military objectives.  This way those young men think they owe the military inhuman loyalty for making them a man and providing them belonging and a purpose.  Well.  Those military psychologists are on the mark that the vitality generating exercises plus belonging and purpose are crucial components of a healthy person.  The military, ISIS among others, are abundantly aware that a young man craves direction like a heroin addict scrounging their next high.  

If that is your future – then we will see you in the future.

Or…

Improve the connection with what is possible as opposed to breaking what made us impossible.  What is possible?  Us the intuitive, us the provocative and proactive, us the inspired, the spontaneous.

Please Remember 

1. You have ways, many ways to elevate into the person you want to be without selling your soul; and …

2. In a life recess of reflection, imagine there you are cupping your hot coffee just after  dawn on the balcony. You feel that you have the embers of vitality, animated with your breath to fuel the flames of curiosity.  You radiate the magnetism of belonging so others are intrigued by you.  Your sense of direction fostering growth nurtures others much like the forest canopy provides cover to the new growth in the forest floor.     

Challenge in Nature:  Walk slow.   Walk differently.  Our gait gets set when we are young.  It is amazing how difficult it can be to be conscious of our gait and walk differently than we normally do.  Go to the park or back yard and if possible take your shoes off – check for dog poo first!:)  Nature will join you on your little barefoot journey.  Walk slow, walk differently.  Try to walk a bit more on your toes, or roll your feet a bit more.  Give it time today, or another day.  The work is to be aware of you being different while actually remaining loyal to who you are.  Sounds weird until you try it.  So get out there!

Take the time and know it is valid to find or create your ways, many ways to elevate into the you of now, the you of vigour, vision and vitality, we have the following.

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UPDATE YOUR BELIEFS

It’s ok if you don’t really know what you are doing.  It’s ok if you do.  It’s ok if you know what you stand for.  What do you stand for?  

The thing is to try.  To share a bit of your vulnerability about you morphing over time into a different, newer you.  To share your desire to grow.  To transcend your education, your era, your ancestors.

Transcendental Meditation (TM) emerged out of India coming to the west in the 60’s.  TM  is a technique for avoiding distracting thoughts and promoting a state of relaxed awareness. The late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi derived TM from the ancient Vedic tradition of India. He brought the technique to the U.S. in the 1960s. 

One way to think about TM was that it took the poses out of yoga and left you with breathing and mental imaging.

Breathing can aid you in transcending the many stresses of life.  Mental imaging is activated to focus your energy on the growing side of stress.  From the positive side of stress declare your beliefs.  The debilitating side of stress we probably all know well.  

Satisfaction is related to and impacted by stress, change, challenge, failure, growth, different, new, dread = projecting negativity into your unknown, negativity, unknown, lies, poor eldership by ancestors.  This range of stress will highlight both your strengths and weaknesses that naturally are revealed by each Life Stage.

For example. _________

One of the messages of Jesus could be categorized as ‘be transcendental about yourself’.  Not to be understood as ‘Yes I know I have personally sinned but hey, let’s put on that back burner for the moment and throw a couple of stones at this guy.  Rather, don’t limit your because you did stupid things to others and feel you are not good enough because you have mistakes in the past.  You are not as good or bad as you think.

In other words;

Get over yourself.

Instead of the tyranny of your feelings, make something else the first consideration in the process of understanding.

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YOUR BEST EGO

Get over what your Ego is screaming at you and listen to the nuances of Your Best Ego.  

Planet view:  Your ego is like industrial farming – based on numbers and not vitamins, succumbing to shareholders and not natural planetary processes, satisfying the fertilizer salesperson and not your instinct.

Your Best Ego is like organic farming – that can let land fallow because it is not addicted to now/profits/expansion but rather on a journey of learning and growing.  There is variety and companion planting.

Self Transcendental is catching up  with your Life Trajectory.  Your Life Trajectory is inclusive of Your Best Ego and understanding of the Male Stack and Female Frixion.  Low emotional baggage is filtered out.  Your low emotional baggage will accompany you at the expense of learning and growing and sharing.   That’s a hefty baggage fee.

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Humility = Humanity = Humility

Self Transcendental is in the moment.  A moment shared with inner and outer lives:

Inner lives of Peace, Satisfaction, Belief, Connection, Vision.

Outer Lives of accomplishment, belonging, service, happiness, challenge, growth.

Transcendence is a bridge.  A bridging.  

It relieves us of our downward facing habits like: judgement, grudges, comparison, negativity, excuses, jealousy, ______________, _____________.

These misdirected habits, like judgement, are Minimizing Marauders.  They minimize you. Minimize your abilities.  Minimizes the female instinct.  Minimize the opportunity that offers itself in the moment.  They reduce the value of your willingness to love and be loved.  They suction out your Belief in Marriage.  They make you good at being mentally critical of your wife for being a woman.  They are nasty.

Picture that in your unconscious urge to transcend the nonsense of not growing together these Minimizing agents of nastiness fall like coins from your pocket.  As you cross the bridge of transcendence into the New You these coins fall from your grasp.  They tumble through the wood planks of the swinging suspension bridge.   You can either grab the railing for stability and stay standing as the coins fall into the deep, narrow, cold river with a minute splash – gone – as you move forward feeling the wisps of clean mist rising from below.  Or you can try and grasp those falling coins (agents of nastiness)  ending up prostrating to money on the planks of the bridge all alone with a few coins, not having taken the step to step into today.  

Your choice.  Being Responsible for your Emotions

That’s why your activated Vision is vital so you can see in your mind what you want to become.  That’s why your Updated Beliefs are beautiful fuel so you can feel in your blood the man you are in the moment.  Transcend the excuses and ridicule, the mistakes and regret.  Your Satisfaction Skills are so much stronger.  Satisfaction Skills include: getting stuff done, knowing how to delegate, being an awesome teacher, _______________________, ______________________, __________________.     

Transcendence causes change.  Change can make us feel vulnerable.  Change and what powers it can be intentionally mislabeled and vilified by Ego based fear subscribing leeches.  Don’t listen to them.  Transcendence is a process to the NewYou.  The New You will be received, loved and accepted just like the old you was received.  The thing is the old you had a best-before-date of yesterday and the New You has a best-before-date of tomorrow.  It’s a constant flow that uses your Inner Lives … to be you in the moment. The moment will renew and so will you, as the New You emitting constancy of Peace, Belief, Connection, vision and Satisfaction. 

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Forgive:  

When the Dj played a slow song at the highschool dance you didn’t ask a girl to slow dance you didn’t like.  Then you would have to hold her close and make small talk and put your hand on her hip.  Rather, you would want to put some distance between you and her.  Nothing personal, but simply put she was not part of the mosaic that was the image you were cultivating.  So, if you follow, if someone does something stupid that hurts your feelings – why hold onto the hurt?  Why ask a girl to slow dance that you’re not attracted to?  If you do it’s your own fault for not having the courage to ask the girl you have a crush on to dance.  

“Bro!  Why did you ask her to dance – you don’t even like her!”   Your buddies will make fun of you.  “Man up and ask what’s-her-face to dance, the one you are soooo in love with.”

Your buddies are right – gravitate to the love. – Yes! Nervous courage bolsters the New You.  To let go of the old.  Your former you doesn’t give you as good results as the new, as the now.  In comparison old you is stale, smelly, inflexible, brittle, musty and rusty.  The task at hand is to harvest the residue of human qualities from your past experiences that now reside in your inner Life.  Your past is valid and necessary but it is not your foundation for growth of your version of a man.

Why?  To offer to your spouse the real you, you of the moment with all your constant qualities and a history of success  [???]

How?  Breathe, smile, straighten your posture, laugh, share.  Understand that we do things because of the power of the Life Stage we are living working through our Ego working towards My Best Ego

Breathe …

Count in – 1,2,3 (deeper breath) …….4..5..6 (breathe into your pelvis) …….7…8…9…… Let the old yield to history and the new reveal you.

Take a moment – take a look – 1 Minute Wilderness:   https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/902

The thing is the more we focus on the need to forgive, the process of forgiveness, what we need to forgive in ourselves and others we are submerging ourselves in yesterday.  So the past is the focus.  We are walking backwards while trying to get on the bus to the future.  That can make a lot of unnecessary work for others.  Others  need to know that they are forgiven or we forgive ourselves but we don’t have to relive the whole incident.  That’s awkward and painful and pokes old scars and opens healed wounds. A more fruitful focus is what we learned about ourselves, others, doing stupid things and how life stages can make something seem vital to us in the moment.  Show them you have learned by what you do.  Let them hear it in your decision making.  Let them see it in your eyes when you ask a question then shut up to listen. 

And if forgiveness is not your main growth technique, then take a look at the ones that follow. 

Elevate.  Find a reason for what you do.  Adherence to that reason – is the reason – if you see what I mean.  (it means that a reason higher, greater than you reveals another aspect of you that is beautifully simple while being enigmatically you).  A powerful reason is to be immortal.  It was born before you and continues after you are gone.  Over the first 18-20 years of life we are being repeatedly handed the baton of self-responsibility.   The beliefs and values of those who nurtured us often become ours through osmosis.  Updating them makes them yours.  And that actually makes our parents so proud, when we take the family baton from them and do better than they did in their day.  We carry their admirable qualities of humility, companionship, support, agility, constancy as our inheritance.  At the same time we elevate above their downward facing habits, failures and arrogance before their instinct.  Elevate above the Ego of the moment letting yourself be pulled up into perception by your reason for action and your desire to see it made real.   This power fuels your service.

Service.  Filling the bird feeder in your backyard with bird food all winter is great service.  Rewarding you with a glimpse of the resplendent red male Northern Cardinal alight onto the feeder.  With vigilance and an electrical grace it scopes its surroundings and quickly pecks the seeds.  Without understanding the cardinal’s eating tastes, predators, migratory habits you will not attract them, keep them healthy and happy.  And you, or your children, will not marvel at the contrast of their noble coloured feathers flash quick when they take off from having satisfied themselves at the feeder in your yard. 

Service takes so many forms and expressions we all know what it means because we have been put into a situation of service having raised children, helped siblings and cared for aging parents.  

Parenting is a service industry that we signed up for with no pay but lots of incredibly rewarding moments, feedback, suggestions, arguments, disappointments, complaints and challenges to the ego that are answered with growth.  Being a spouse is the same.

Neither of these service roles include violence.  Includes communicating to generate understanding.  That’s what this book is about – creating your own avenues of communication, expression, stress relief and Satisfaction.  It’s about the you that is emotionally agile enough to offer your spouse support for her Fulfillment without the threat, hint or image of violence: sexual, physical, emotional, psychological using money, guilt or force.

Then we are in a certain Life Stage and in a certain man way that inhibits connecting with our wife.  Your marriage just doesn’t, you know, feel like a story you want to be a character in.  That’s exactly when we need to find something in the marriage or realize something about our wife to be of service to.  For many reasons.  It helps others who need help.  It offers our qualities towards making things better.  We get Satisfaction of being valued.  At the end of the day we are not wanting for Satisfaction and so offer our wife a man that is: peaceful, cooperative and warm. 

Service can be: coaching, volunteering to talk with elders or pick up windswept coffee cups in the park or accompany a blind person or cook at a homeless shelter.

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Perception.  

Let’s say perspective is you thinking outside the box;  You tapping The New You on the shoulder asking for advice.  It is almost for certain that your life is framed by societal understanding of you as a man.  However the misunderstanding of the abilities of a man, especially in relation to a woman, is rampant.  This vacuum of value for a man’s nature is not limited to any culture or race or socio-econimic class.  We all underestimate the man that you are.  It is the man that you have become that won’t let us talk to the real you – the New You.  The New You loves perception.  The man you actually are responds to the human instinct.

How do we meet this fabulous guy?  This perceptive, instinctual dude?  How will I recognize him if he is new …?

This seems to be a major reason for using psychedelics.  Get past the conscious brain so your creativity creek can tribute into the flow of the river of innovation. Psychedelics, nowadays being used in micro-doses can do the heavy lifting of leapfrogging our mental pathways, negative or creative, to perception, to germinate innovation, enlightenment, possibly forgiveness.  

There is a resurgence of psychedelics in behavioural research and bio-hacking.

Some famous and effective bio-hacking personalities are Tim Ferris https://tim.blog, Dave Asprey the Bulltetproof coffee guy https://blog.daveasprey.com/about-dave-asprey/.  They are excellent sources of information as a result of using their bodies as guinea pigs, their minds as test tubes, their lives as laboratories.  Doing whatever it takes; eating, climbing, swimming, fasting to increase the yield of your body and brain.  The guys who do this are bright and brave and I am not going to follow their path.

I would say we are in constant reception of soul micro dosing.  

David Bryce Yaden PhD. John Hopkins University is doing great research into what might be termed ‘soul hacking’. That would be another way of talking about the personal religious quest. A study of the Devotional and the daily life in cultures. The book is for academics but the search is for all of us.

If we eschew psychedelics there is a buffet of drugs on the market be that coffee, alcohol, delusion, love, work, money, success, sex and more.   It is likely that most if not all the things on this list of activities are not as effective to deliver perception.  Perception in this case being about The New You.  Who is this New You?! New Me?! 

This is a guy that already exists.  It is a guy that makes you look good, look smart, on the ball.  This guy is fast!  Fast at knowing how to join in or to go it alone.

He has the sensitivity to get Satisfaction and let Fulfillment happen.  

He uses the past and isn’t used by it.

He isn’t scared of the moment because he has no need to control it.  The moment is free and so is he.  Free to accept a compliment.  Free to stop, smile and tell his wife she smells great.

Willing to see he has changed as he is processed through the succession of life stages.  Realizing that his spouse will be similarly changed and it is his task to update himself with her growth.  Admire her belief in moving the marriage forward that requires the best of you. 

Leverage the future of the New You in negotiation with the Old You.

Scent Of A Woman: “I’ll Show You Out Of Order.”

Hey Stress – You just lost half your power!

In researching the impact of stress on our struggle for Satisfaction I came across a very clear explanation of the different kinds of stress. And it is good news for us.

Eustress is what is being called positive stress; distress is understandably the negative shadow of stress in our lives. Life is stressful; it’s nothing personal. If we are spiralling downward we stress about stress. When we are trending upward we use stress to get things done.

So take a quick read. There are useful daily life applications in the article below. Comment if you wish. Stay safe. Stay you.

https://www.cascadementalhealth.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=15644&cn=117

Excerpt from book in progress about Satisfaction – Habit, Routines and Ritual

Photo by Anders Jildén on Unsplash

When I was ten years old I took my first communion.   Because I went to public elementary school I had to take catechism classes once a week at night at the Catholic school.  The Catholic school kids had their own mass for their first communion and then our public school group had ours a few Sundays later.  It was a beautiful spring day.  My parents made me wear an ascot to go with my burnt orange velvet blazer.  The one with my dried snot on the right sleeve where I had wiped my nose which made my mom so mad.  She was right.  It really was a cool blazer.  It definitely wasn’t a blue suit.  

I can picture the photo of us outside on the church steps afterwards as we posed for the family portrait of the moment.  My mom was shining her beautiful smile as always.  My dad was in full 1970’s style with the big tie and bigger sideburns.  Grandma, my dad’s mom,  was there in a nice baby blue dress.  She was of the era, born before 1900,  when you didn’t smile for photos.  She definitely didn’t break rank that day.

I got paired with a girl from our catechism class to take the Communion offering and collection up to the altar.  She got the money.  I took the Bread of Transcendence.  

I was really nervous as we walked up the aisle.  It was my first time.  There was nothing I was repeating.  No Habit to tyrannize me; no Routine to coach me.  There was a Ritual.  Called Communion.  This Communion is the act of elevating the Daily version of ourselves to experience the Devotional one.   

Priests, parents, teachers and Elders are understood to instruct the young on the arts and skills of releasing the Devotional into the Daily.  That means the religious service connects the participants with higher energy – Devotional; and young people need help to walk the talk of this life wisdom. .  Actually we all need guidance as we process the Ritual of formal religion to create habits that amount  to a personal religion.   It might feel easier to release an elephant from the local zoo into your city centre than to step into your personal religion.  

Ritual abounds in religion, in sports, in art, in meditation, in martial arts, in connecting with nature, in nature.

This topic is important because all men are constantly receiving real energy to grow as a male, man and gentleman.  The confusion is while some guys seem to be able to manage their energy without getting into too much trouble, why do some men use the energy they receive to disrespect women through violence and other forms of aggression? 

The energy that powers a man is powerful.  If we suffer from an inability to give this power expression then we might: feel agitated, lack confidence, get crushed by depression.  And some of us get violent.  The violence can be swinging fists, hurling insults, sexual perversion to name a few of the many forms.  Instead young men need to learn their unique energy management.   The violence against a woman can happen in a brief, horrible moment but the negligence of not understanding men builds up over years.

That is why it is crucial to develop Habits, create Routine and be ready for Ritual.  That way we have avenues of expression for our energy.  When we have an argument with our wife there is no violence when we don’t have pent up energy.   You have believed in yourself enough to invest the time to create the channels for frustration to flow, be processed and shared.   We are all allowed to get frustrated and talk about it.  Get angry about the frustration.  Anger doesn’t imply aggressive words or threatening stances or personal insults.  There is no blame.  A man is responsible for his energy management. That is something he needs help with.  Something he needs to learn and refine all life long.

There are lots of variations of energy in man including: sexual energy, Devotional energy where one is caused to look for meaning and a higher purpose, the energy that goes with their Life Stage, marriage energy and male energy to list a few.  This says it is good to recognize there is a lot going on.  We all need help.  Conversation.  So we can see, and agree, it is not easy.  Still, it is our role as a man to grasp the natural influences in our life and do something about them.  Your energy and how you react or respond to it actually has nothing to do with your wife.

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A quick word about sexual energy.  The human sexual energy is very strong.  It is not bad nor is it well understood.  It is not just sex.  Physical sex.  It is a range of creative powers that can result in a new business, a new relationship, a new recipe or even a new baby.  You see teenagers and some young adults, even some famous adults, who can’t think about anything else.  It runs their life.  It makes their decisions for them.   For a pubescent teenager this makes sense because the connection with this energy is itself new, intense and powerful.   

Poor sexual energy management can have harming repercussions that cut deep and last years.   In marriage, family, society and men in general we generally make it difficult to talk about and direct this power.  The youth need guidance from elders like mom and dad.  And they need to do stuff that uses up the energy.  This is a huge challenge.  How do you use up the undeniable sexual energy running through the bodies of young people without it being physical sex?  Think sports, guitar lessons, family nature adventures, discover the various ways to use your local library, invite friends over to the house, help them get a part time job, volunteering, … Keep thinking and doing and talking and guiding.

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When a man is beyond the reach of his elders because he won’t listen to them, they aren’t worth listening to or he has simply outgrown them in his case – how does he know when and how to use the natural sexual energy?   Hopefully throughout this book there are ideas and inspirations that generate avenues of investigation and belief that help in this aspect.

Please remember that sexual energy and your Devotional energy are not the same thing and should never be confused.  Both can have an aspect of attraction/calling, companionship, loving and being loved, connection and an impulse for meaning that drives you to do things you wouldn’t do yourself.  But they are not the same.  Those in positions of power that they wield to confuse others about these two natural energies are misusing their power.  The catholic church has a lot of experience in this territory.

This book is written to create distance between all men and that purposeful confusion of energy mentioned above.  We urgently need passion and ideas and people to clarify a man’s path forward and specifically highlight the unique man they may see before them.  

It is vital to grasp that this is a daily challenge for a man.  The challenge of finding his path forward using his unique abilities to synthesize the task at hand into daily life in a satisfaction producing way.  This urge upon him for self-realization is non stop.  At times subtle.  At times shouting.  At times a beautiful congress in the moment of  life trajectory and courage. At times a complete mess of what he wants with what he is doing and what he thinks he should do.   Some guys can wake up and when they open their eyes they are already depressed!  And others wake up without an alarm at 4:30 am everyday to: work out, meditate, write, make breakfast and then get to work by 6:30? 

Habits can categorize a man’s energy.  Routines can process it.  Rituals can reveal it.

You can’t talk about Habits without mentioning Routine. With a mention of routine then the next logical step is to see the where and when of Ritual.

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It’s all in your head. And it is also in your blood and bones. A few connections to ponder:

Ritual – Projection – Energy – Beliefs

Routine – Imagination – Power – Prayer

Habit – Meditation – Strength – Declaration

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Tradition can be reduced to a routine, converted into a ritual minimized, squeezed into a habit.   Or you can build your own traditions that have the power of Habit, the reliability of routine and the Attractive energy of Ritual.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

For guys to hear mention of the word ritual they can go down four different mental paths. 

1 .Ritual to mean religious ritual that is something you do in a temple/house of worship and it has always been like that, you unconsciously repeat a few prayers and you are done.  Whether there has been a transformative process is another question; 

2. New Age flaky ritual based in ancient traditions with everyone bearfoot, wearing white and chaniting themselves into a trance.  Perhaps the greatest difference between these first two types of ritual is that the New Age one is probably more effective at delivering on the concept of a transformation.

3.  The ritual display that guys know is in sports: The goalie goes onto the ice first. Or the quarterback puts eye black under his eyes because that’s what he always does to get him to his peak performance.  

4.   The ritual well known through the animal world: mating.  This ritual can take place at any hour in any place.  Popular mating ritual temples are bars on Friday night.  However increasingly the ritual has gone online.  The ritual nowadays amounts to swiping right.  Dating apps and websites made famous by Tinder. 

Write On:

What is a habit you:

Have

Want

What is a Routine you:

Can develop

Can refine

What is a Ritual you:

Can enliven with your Belief

Can create to connect with nature

Excerpt – Men

An excerpt from a book in progress about Satisfaction.

 

Photo by David Billings on Unsplash

Men: A Declaration 

Untangling ourselves from the many demands and distractions of life,

It is the task to remember and to realize …

A Man is a Vibrant Power.

With a Willingness that is Clean.

With an Agility that is True.

He Seeks how to Help and be Helped,

As one of his expressions of Loving and Being Loved.

He insists on finding a way to grow

and bask in the flourishing of others.

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This is you.  You know it. You love it. And then life happens.  Life Stages contort us.  Stress manhandles us.  Age changes us. Both husband and wife can feel when this declaration above doesn’t describe the man in their midst.

No big deal really.  If he can get his boot in the stirrup to get back in the saddle.  If he knows how he can find his power. To do and to be. 

A woman loves her nurturing nature.  She savours the fulfillment when she can embody her nature.   When that nature gets usurped by ‘saving her toxic boyfriend from himself’ then the morass of emotion that ensues is bottomless.  The problem is when he can’t find the stirrup, or his power or doesn’t know where he is at.    

Man Formula  

Man = Control x Dexterity + Purpose

Or

Man = Versatile/The Moment x Love.

Go for it.  What is your Man Formula?  

Man = ________________________ + ____________________ / __________________

Man = ________________________ x ____________________ + __________________

If you are reading this on a device then in your cell phone put your ideas in notes.

There is no right response.  There is you, the moment and the man you want to be.

Is your Man Formula an algorithm for reliable growth or a declaration of predictability?

In the moment whatever is needed of the man for his own Satisfaction or in service to others is the Formula for that moment.  And that is a big part of how men can fumble and stumble.  This feeling of being lost.   The idea they are not valued.  Not knowing what they want because things move too fast for their This-is-the-man-I-have-become Mind Set. 

Man Cave

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus written by John Gray in 1992 is a seminal work on relationships.  From there we get a concrete identification of the Man Cave.

To hear the man himself take a look at this TedTalk:

The Man Cave of my childhood was my dad in his furnace room.  I was born after he had established that dark, hot cramped room as his retreat.  There were no windows in that basement emotional hideout.   But it did have all kinds of little nooks where you could hide a mickey of whisky.  He kept tools and screws, seasonal clothes and various knick knacks collected from trips.  He also kept all kinds of sports jerseys and equipment long after it was of use except to act as his personal jailer that wouldn’t let him join the present moment.  You had to be very careful if you wanted to get rid of anything from his cave. 

There was actually a lot of love he had for being a father that, if he could have grown some emotional agility, could have been repurposed.  Instead he spent his time rearranging running shoes and ski boots completely cut off from any sense of togetherness.  Imagine if he had received the guidance from his father or other family members about how to deal with the emotional challenge of being a man in the succession of development stages of life.  He could have still been the king of his Man Cave – no one was going to take it away.  His cave could have been an engine for Satisfaction in him that reverberated through his family.  And ignited his interest in the unique way of Satisfaction of others.  This scenario is more common than sad.  The details are obviously different in every family but the dynamic of a man cave becoming a prison is likely a pandemic.


The Man Cave Function (fill in the blanks)
My Man Cave
generates in me: _______________________ + _________________________ 
so I can offer ___________________________ + ________________________ 
Into my personal and professional life.

The Man Cave is actually quite varied in its expressions.  It can be the convertible he drives 8 times a year and keeps in a storage unit in impeccable condition, the shed out back, the garage that is completely organized, swept and labelled, or the garage that is a wanna be junk shop. Some guys are very efficient at Man Caving – finding Satisfaction in their guy time.  Other guys their Man Cave becomes their life.  Their Man Caving might be sharing their photos of antique cars or buying and selling baseball cards.  It might be drinking beer and looking at his phone.   

Does he emerge from his cave and offer a confident man to his spouse in times of marital stress.  Or to share the paternal sensitivty to know when his son needs guidance in school, about sex and drugs.  Or to clarify the concepts of Male Stack and Female Frixion?  If we can’t handle stress or provide sensitivity because we hide in our Man Cave then whatever the cost of our Man Cave – it becomes really expensive.

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Question:  The Man Cave has its purpose.  It’s a matter of ROI.  Is the return on the investment he puts into it worth the human life energy that it soaks up?   

The song These Eyes by The Guess Who in 1969 is what can happen if we get swallowed up by our Man Cave or are otherwise unable to communicate with our spouse.

These Eyes

These eyes, cry every night for you

These arms, long to hold you, again

The hurting’s on me yea

But I will never be free, oh my baby no no

Hear it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw8nXCx5qgo

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It’s not that your Man Cave is a bad place.  It is a matter of management.

Man Cave can also be seen as an action if the Man Cave is functioning as an aspect of his emotional management leading to Satisfaction.  Things like: working late, volunteering, sibling/parent issues, exercise, coaching, professional development, attending church/temple.

Nothing wrong with your unique man cave or your Man Caving routines – as long as you are in charge.  See Chapter 7 on Habits.  Man Caving process allows a man to breathe, think, process his emotions, organize his stuff and his thoughts whether consciously or not, create new avenues for expression of his unique synthesis of love and of being autonomous.  

Autonomous can mean to the man to be in control. Control may be useful but it can become tyrannical.  Tyrannical it may appear to be, at first glance, on one’s family members.  But really it is limiting the emotional range, spontaneity and willingness of the man.  

Man Caving is the natural experience to regroup and then re-engage with family, with life and personal growth challenges.  

Man Caving is the process of a Satisfaction craving creature getting what he needs at his speed.  

Man Caving can be cool and rewarding and stress relieving but it is not an end unto itself.  The world keeps rolling while we are man caving.  The point is to re-integrate with renewed energy to seek and create opportunities to offer love and be of service.  Service can be telling a hilarious story from work, taking out the garbage, asking your daughter what she finds interesting about studying chemistry.  Being of service to others delivers Satisfaction to you.  As a result you can offer a man at peace willing to love and be loved.  Checkout this post: 

https://wild-coach.com/2019/05/17/10-things-a-young-man-needs-to-to-hear-from-a-man/

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Reflection:  

What conversation would shed light on the path of repurposing some of my Man Caving towards Satisfaction so I can offer my family the real me?  

Take a few minutes to watch this brief nature video as you reflect on your conversation:

https://wild-coach.com/2020/04/10/1-minute-wilderness-clouds/

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We may use our Man Cave because we just had an argument, need some space and want some autonomy.  Or from boredom of being at home and everyone is doing their own screen time on a phone or laptop.  We may go Man Caving out of habit: after dinner, load the dishwasher, kids do their homework while pretending not to peek at their cell phone, wife reading beside kids so you go to the garage to clean the car and organize your tools.  What is the residue from our cave time?

When a man, or the man and woman can’t extract the necessary value out of the Man Cave experience then he feels incomplete, lost; can be irritable and fragile.  Let’s avoid blame and find a way to communicate.

What he likely won’t say with words is that he lacks confidence.  Success begets success.  However the change process from lack of confidence, that semi-consciously expects failure, to a good attitude with resilience and resourcefulness can be challenging.  A fragile man lashes out at others who are trying to germinate little successes in him.  Even a man not so fragile thinks he is seen as incompetent because he can’t see that getting help is natural.   That needing help is normal.  Accepting help is smart and being grateful for help is very becoming of a gentleman. 

Mind Sprouts:  

Mind Sprouts are opportunities to use your Focus and Belief to grow mental pathways.

I am not wrong because change is constant and cannot be controlled.

I am not being made wrong because my family asks more from me based on their beliefs in my ability to grow.  

I am not a bad man because I am being tasked to elevate my understanding.

Where are there five minutes in myday to think about elevating my understanding?

Let’s Remember:

 We are all responsible for our emotions.

 ‘no man is an island’

Share without counting the cost.

Forgiveness is a by-product of your energy being refocused on growing.

Let go of yesterday; Grab the Now and Point it up at your Future.

Say/Think/Write:

As a way to generate Emotional Self-Responsibility – what are your thoughts today:

I am proud of me as as man because __________________________________.

I get disappointed with myself when I __________________________________.

I get frustrated with myself because I can’t understand my wife.

I can laugh at myself when I _________________________________________.

I feel Satisfied because I did my morning exercises before going to work.

I feel ____________________________________________________________.

I have settled into mid life somehow.  I think it has something to do with when I can sit out on the porch early on Saturday mornings.  It seems to bring me some kind of peace.  It’s like a meditation watching the birds and the squirrels and the trees.

I have a little ritual that brings me ____________________________________________.

Nothing Personal:   

This Satisfactioning is life long work.  Each man is a work in progress – each day.  Which says over time, your Art and Skill of Satisfaction will become part of your Personal Religion.  Whatever that means and whatever that looks like.

The Mother Of All AI

Did you see Ocean’s 8?

Scott Webb on Unsplash

It just came out on Netflix. Sandra Bullock leads a group of women on an intricately planned jewelry heist. It’s a fun movie. At one point they use a 3-D printer to reproduce a famous statue in miniature. Amazing!

We’ve seen this before.

Technological developments like the invention of the car, the phone, the computer. These inventions are a life disruption whether that be good or bad. Whether it brings us money or surrounds us with charlatans.

AI (Artificial Intelligence) has arrived and is gaining a ton of momentum. In part because many of the innovations are useful for people. 3-D printers can manufacture human organs apparently! Just last year a human heart was printed. And then there are the results in money saving efficiency for companies. Investors are always looking for the next big thing to throw lots of money at so that creates lots of buzz.

A simplified definition of AI in one word is: resources. AI is powered by algorithms. Algorithms are written by people and then evolve to become self regulating. Algorithms can learn to teach themselves to get better at getting resources. These resources are called data. So AI is powered by algorithms that eat data for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This has become known as Big Data. It is huge!

So big in fact companies like Facebook etc. need massive data centres to store and manage all the info about you and your neighbours shopping habits. These data centres need lots of energy to keep from over heating. AI is useful but there is definitely a behind the scenes cost the planet is paying for our need to keep our data cool.

Speaking of algorithms there is one that has been around since before Amazon, before Facebook, before hotels.com.

Redcharlie on Unsplash

And you are it’s data

Center:)

Your soul.

Your soul needs you. Your habits, routines and rituals. The more you can refine these three resource management processes the more you are synthesizing your soul with your life. The more you can resist the big data shareholder mentality.

Facebook is a monster. A many tentacled beast that gorges on ‘likes’ and boredom.

Get a life. A Soul life. A higher soul life.

Read a book. Yes! You can order it on Amazon. Orrrr, you can get it from the library. Borrowing books from friends is a good way to have a problem:)

Or to generate your soul life connect with nature – plant some veggies, share a walk in the park, hike in the forest, go barefoot, …. breathe….

The planet is the mother of all AI – Authentic Intelligence – nothing artificial there.

AI is not the enemy.

Lack of purpose is.

FOMU: Fear Of Manning Up

An excerpt from an article by Sam Samson of the CBC:

Winnipeg woman said she will continue to advocate for body positivity after being the subject of misogynistic comments in a private group chat involving NHL players.

“Everything I post, I post online because I feel beautiful. I feel great. I feel worthy,” said Nicole Zajac. “I just don’t think it’s worth it to let a few comments from people who clearly don’t respect women get to you.”

Read the rest of the article here: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/hockey-winnipeg-groupchat-nhl-1.5560623

Ms. Zajac is a hero. Those guys are a product of their environment. But at some point a man is called to decide for himself how he thinks about women, what he wants to become and as a result what he will say. What each of these guys needed was help from their coaches and parents to use their upbringing and hockey training as a springboard into his unique robust, version of a man. Did they get it?

From her comments you can see that Ms. Zajac is emotionally agile. She has made decisions for herself about what she thinks of herself. She is strong enough to endure the low end of social media with the goal of helping others feel good about themselves. She is brave. Those guys…? They didn’t heed the call of being a man. They have FOMU: Fear Of Manning Up.

In order to support Ms. Zajac and to help guide young men, please take a look at my previous post:

https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/497