Intro to Satisfaction – The Book


This book is for tough guys.  Like me.  Like you.  Tough nuts to crack.   When we aren’t as good as we want to be at our own emotional display we can get frustrated.  Frustration is rarely associated with satisfaction.

The spark of this writing is the belief that a man who is creative in achieving his satisfaction, able to share the successes and let downs of pursuing what he wants, will use his stressful challenges to grow.  Life has shown us that when one of us is frustrated in the moment, stressed by life, wayward in his manlife, he can easily lash out.  He can be hurtful with insults and beatings.   

The purpose of the book is to be a spur for men to access their emotional agility as they strive to get what they want.

A man who knows himself at daily and higher levels will appreciate what he is becoming despite his shortcomings.  He will have a sense that there is more to the definition of a man than can be found on the internet.

A constant theme of this book is that we are indeed on a development journey during our whole life.  That journey for a man differs from the journey of a woman.   Whether or not male and female journeys have converging priorities, understandings or emotions we all want to enlist each man to ‘be his own man’ in the moment.

When a woman wants something different from her man, or wants more from her husband or wants better from her boyfriend it is a good news story.  It locates the man in what she seeks.  It’s not a strike against you that, as a man, you cannot immediately figure out what she wants.  Perhaps it provides her a sense of being valued by knowing she can look to you for man services.  So, what kind of man services do you offer?  Sexual services, fixing flat tire services, humour, tenderness, encouragement services, mortgage payment services,  opening jam jars services, packing the car, parking the car, washing the car, barbecuing …

A man is a good thing.  Anyone who feels differently does not have the full story.  Or as is often the case, has had more bad man experiences than good.   Those damaging experiences are often the result of his lack of belief in himself .  This poverty of self-belief contorts the love of those that believe in him as a man.  When we can rise above the tyranny of our energy sucking ego we ascend into new thoughts, fresh intentions, rejuvenating conversation …  This elevation into realms of value, success and connection makes your man feel like the MVP. 

The underlying concept that powers this book is that men have the emotional finesse enabling them to instinctually respond to the Daily challenges and Devotional callings of life.

There are many men in the various communities you participate in that don’t subscribe to the dogma of sexism.  They go along with insulting jokes and remarks because they don’t have something stronger they believe in. Or they fear for their job and crave respect as a man’s man.  They most likely believe in women; in a deep and beautiful way.  However most men don’t get the education they want to become a man of self-respect, love and belief.

There is a lack of readily accessible guidance for men to become the reliable husband that is also the spontaneous guy who is also the nurturing man.  There is a paucity of seed pods for him to cultivate the  male version of instinct.  

Each day all men search for the missing pieces in the life puzzle of career, love and meaning.   At the risk of alienating himself from the lowest common denominator of macho manhood there are those that insist on being ambitious, clean and versatile.  It takes balls to be a man that resists the mafia of moronic male behaviour.

The guy who strives beyond the poor understanding of women and lack of self knowledge as a man needs your support.   Most likely he is energized by sincere love yet doubts his version of a man authentic.  He is juggling his professional ambition, the questions for his higher self and his residual anger of youth.   He wants to bundle them into a brave vision of him as a man, spouse and gentleman.

This book highlights that we are all capable of and responsible for our own Satisfaction in the ongoing stages of life, evolving relationships and variety of experiences.  

Did you see the 2007 movie Ocean’s 13?  It’s the third movie in the Ocean’s series of a modern band of thieves.  The sudden news of one of their own falling ill from shock of a business deal gone bad id bringing them all together again.  About ten minutes into the movie George Clooney as ‘Daniel Ocean’ and Brad Pitt as ‘Rusty’ are just getting off their private jet.    

‘It’s not their fight’  Linus, played by Matt Damon had just asked Ocean where Tess and Isabelle were.  A seemingly harmless question as they walk across the tarmac.  Tess (Julia Roberts) is Ocean’s wife; Isabelle (Catherine Zeta Jones) is the love of Rusty’s life.

Since Linus wants a bit more info he turns to Rusty and asks a little louder above the jet engines.  ‘Where are Tess and Isabelle?’

Out of nowhere Ocean explodes on his colleague Linus and repeats with an anvil of force closing the issue, ‘It’s not their fight’.

Ocean is right.  A man takes responsibility for his struggle.  He doesn’t make it hers.  Men are experts at the quiet struggle.  Like the earth is coursing with ley lines and the body is strung with energy meridians, men are marionettes to the undercurrents of genuine emotion.  The task at hand is to make this struggle less solitary, these emotions more accessible.

For that reason it is to be aware when you need help with your response.  Ask for help, accept help.  Appreciate the help and love the helper.  But never make them responsible for your fight.  Your fight is to evolve into you.  Become the version of a man that is becoming of you.  

Some men who are jacked up: cocky, confident, full of their preconceived idea of their importance to the moment.   There are those guys who are understanding, laid back and funny. Of course we all know those guys that are lost, lack confidence and have more things they dread than they look forward to as a man.  How could they ‘man up’ in a difficult situation.  They don’t have the education, training, or reference to find their mojo.

The degree to which many a man is lost and alienated from a development journey as a soul bearing gentleman can feel bigger than huge, and deeper than bottomless.

The lost man can’t seem to get traction on his passion and skills.  That’s part of why it can appear to his wife, a man doesn’t want to be a part of the solution to a withering marriage.  His relationship is complicated by him not knowing how to shine his light on the path of their marriage.

One of the core messages this book carries is that men are a creative force, wildly willing to be a part of something good. And they are sincere.  Sincerely in need of help to understand themselves, women and relationships. 

Gina Cody – What Is True Because Of You?

The following is an excerpt from an article on cbc.ca.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/order-of-canada-appointments-2020-1.5856833

Another trailblazer, Toronto engineer Gina Cody, has been appointed as a member of the order. Cody immigrated to Canada in 1979 at the age of 22 when her family fled the Iranian Revolution.

She was the first woman to be awarded a PhD in building engineering at Concordia University in Montreal and went on to found a successful consulting firm, CCI Group, that was named one of Canada’s most profitable woman-owned companies by Profit magazine in 2010.

The faculty of engineering at Concordia now bears her name. The Gina Cody School of Engineering and Computer Science is the first in Canada — and one of the first in the world — to be named after a woman.

Cody said she hopes her appointment inspires more women to enter the STEM fields of science, technology, engineering and mathematics — especially as economies undergo a “fourth industrial revolution” characterized by automation and smart technology. 

“That’s the message I want to send out — that parents encourage their girls and young children to get into the STEM programs,” said Cody.

To see the full article check out the link below.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/order-of-canada-appointments-2020-1.5856833

Anita Roddick – What Is True because Of You?

Anita Roddick was a pioneer as an ecological entrepreneur. In 1976 in England she started The Body Shop selling beauty products that were not tested on animals. She did not let her success limit her positive impact on the planet and women. She would go on to establish a foundation in her name that would create orphanages and local businesses in third world countries. She was a loving wife and caring mother who had lots of stress, made enemies and lots of money.

Anita Roddick what is true today because of your belief and proactivity? There is much more western world awareness about the source of the products we buy. The source referring to the people who make them, the conditions they work in and the planetary environment where they are produced. This has helped raise the level of dignity of many workers as well as to show the conscientious consumer how to get involved.

Her 1991 book, Body and Soul Roddick shares her experience of creating the role of CEO activist.

Move The Words Out Of Your Heart

Photo by christian buehner on Unsplash

Move the words out of your heart – say anything man. Be funny, dumb, endearing, stilted, embarrassing, true and simple. If they stay in your heart they will block your arteries and give you a heart attack.

Say how you feel. Because you want to understand and be understood. Understand what causes you to feel inspired or lost, confident or frustrated. And be understood as you go through the process of using these words to grow.

Find your words for love and vulnerability, of vision and belief.

Practice the words for sorry and appreciation, worry and forgiveness.

Repeat the words that elevate you and are a catalyst for other men.

Move the words out of your heart and into the world so we can all hear and learn:

What the man in you knows …

What the man in you wants …

What the man in you upholds …

Worth Repeating

Earlier today I was looking through my blog posts in search of a previous post about The Female Frixion when I came across this one from a year and half ago entitled 10 Things A Young Man Needs To Hear From A Man. When I wrote this it was a time when I knew even less than I think I know now. Fearful of the edits it still begs I believe there are some valid points in this post. Worth repeating. I have included 2 here starting with Be Agile – Not Fragile. That is what a father wants for his son. What a woman wants for her man.

Photo by Stephanie Nakagawa on Unsplash

  1. Do the work to be emotionally agile not fragile. This one is so important to teach by example. The work can be analogous to juggling. If you focus on one ball then all of them will fall.  To take it up a level you use your peripheral vision to manage the task at hand.  What is being asked is to be able to have long term vision while still managing the present.
  2. Define strength: mentally, physically, emotionally – as a man; find out what it is for a woman.  What is your formula for strength in each case:  Emotional Strength = _________ +  ____________ Use your strengths to highlight them in others.

To see the whole list use the link below.

https://wild-coach.com/2019/05/17/10-things-a-young-man-needs-to-to-hear-from-a-man/

Feel free to share these ideas with a young man to understand what he hungers for.

2 Old Guys

Photo by boris misevic on Unsplash

2 old guys were playing tennis as I walked by the public tennis court. It was a beautiful fall day with the mid afternoon sun balancing out the autumn cool. In the park there were a few mothers and nannies caring for and playing with children. There was one empty court and the one in use by said men.

In their 70’s one fart was in very good shape and the belly of the other one had a nice round shape to it. I watched them for a few minutes from the park bench near the court. They played very well without physically challenging each other too much. I couldn’t hear everything they said but I did catch the guy with the belly say in a chipper voice as he approached the net to collect a ball ‘ Kids these days. They’re not careless’. It seemed he was defending the millenials for getting a bad reputation as being lazy and disrespectful. Perhaps he had some grandchildren that were really proactive at recycling and social responsibility.

Photo by Jim Carroll on Unsplash

‘They are carefree.‘ The belly guy completed his thought and turned to walk back to the baseline.

What is that supposed to mean – ‘carefree’? That young people being smart phone savvy soothes all their problems. That because the retired generation receive their monthly pension then all must be good in the world. Or because the younger generations can’t afford a house that means they don’t have to worry about a mortgage. Or because they use Uber they don’t have to be concerned about car insurance rates. Or because they work from home they don’t have to stress about the price of gas and the pollution it causes.

Stress and depression and the temperature of the planet are all on the rise. Young people are worried. Sick. They are worried about the degradation of the planet and how to grow food on their balcony, their parents failing health and the quality of care in a seniors home, the job market and the cost of daycare, the widening gap between rich and poor and the deepening feeling in their gut of connecting with some higher purpose that surely there is in life.

Like me and you, they need help. Sure they are super agile on social media and pay for everything in the moment on an app. Still they don’t know what they want in life, how to be a good spouse, how to respond to the urge of their soul life. They may sound very confident because they have lots of sound bites in the moment at their finger tips. Yet self knowledge is still elusive.

They need challenges that help them elevate their mind just as much as to learn how to stretch their money. They need guidance of how to cultivate their soul. Who is going to be that guide? To let them know what is a good idea to repeat of the the preceding generations and what mistakes to avoid. To model understand humility, listening and patience.

Below is the link to a previous post entitled Rise Of The Elder Class petitioning adults to get over their feelings about their stage in life and see past the confident face of the young generation to engage them in conversations about meaning: https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/834

Nothing wrong with being an old guy. In fact it is a badge of honour. But it comes with the responsibility to turn around and offer wisdom. To take responsibility for their role in the state of the planet and the lack of devotion life that connects young people with themselves and can be applied to daily life.

The Architect, The Blueprint and The Mosaic — Thrive Global

#TheMosaic#WeAreAllConnected#NothingIsAsItSeems#TheMosaicPodcast #TheMosaicOnline #TheArchitect #TheBlueprints HaveChanged #ConversationsWithStrangers I HAD A CONVERSATION YESTERDAY with a guy who started crying and crying. i held the space for him to cry and he cried for over 10 minutes, just feeling safe in the space to let his tears come out. when his tears stopped, i asked if he wanted…

The Architect, The Blueprint and The Mosaic — Thrive Global

Women are Better at … – Excerpt from a book in progress about Satisfaction

Women are better at being women than men are at being men.

Photo by Preillumination SeTh on Unsplash

This is not man bashing.

Photo by Ana-Maria Nichita on Unsplash

Imagine your three big terracotta flower pots on the sunny side of the house where the tomato plants soak up the sun.  Even though they have that bitter tomato plant fragrance they smell fabulous in the summer afternoon heat.  The pots where the chile plants were sown and watered got grouped by the gate in the shadow of the big tomato plant pots.

Photo by Justus Menke on Unsplash

Due to the conditions the tomatoes ripen and each plant gives lots of fruit.  Whereas the chiles are small and few.  The chiles have the same desire to grow.  Tomatoes grow into tomatoes.  Chiles into chiles.  Their success depends a lot on the local conditions.

The local conditions in a woman includes her management of the Female Frixion (see below).

The local conditions in a man are impacted by his dealing with life through the Male Stack.

This is not fanning the flames of the battle of the sexes.  It’s not saying there is a competition to achieve self-realization as a man or woman. It’s not a race to embody your gender before your spouse embodies theirs. It’s not a comparison because we are talking apples and oranges here.

Women are oscillating while men are projecting.  

Women get lonely – and seek out companionship. Men get lost – and need direction.

Men will proclaim when a woman in the same situation will reflect.

The Female Frixion generates an emotional conflict in women about the prevalence of one of the three lives in the moment or stage of life.   Those lives are:  Professional, Romantic and Maternal.  In men they are: Professional, Romantic and Paternal.  Men don’t live the same friction of feeding these three lives in the same way.  Women internalize the friction and men externalize the stress.  Women make themselves responsible for their emotions about the 3-way balance of these inner lives.  Men can often not understand how or why they would be responsible for their own emotions. 

Each woman struggles for years with this aspect of their life.  Often it can make them not feel good about themselves.  A woman might start to think she is not ’a good mother’.   The truth may be she is a good mother but the friction that follows her around, like a 4 year old girl follows around her older sister, won’t let her in peace.  

This friction  heightens her awareness to her inner lives and cultivates the connection with her instinct.  Her instinct is about life.  Her female instinct responds to the moment that her mind is focused on.  It is not simply her instinct about how she feels about her emotions.  That is included.  But it needs to be understood that her instinct, the instinct, is fast and true and collects no emotional baggage.  We collect the baggage with our low emotion ego trolling.  The more emotional luggage we insist on hauling around life the less we can listen to and recognize the instinct.  

Lateral consideration of the three lives all at once that is the mental/emotional process of women is in contrast to the vertical surging that is the one-at-a-time male style process.  This is the Male Stack.  Instead of a need to bring all three lives forward with the same grace and focus like a woman, the man engages one life at a time.  The male life management style may appear to require less subtlety and finesse from the man himself because according to him ‘it is what it is,’ ‘what you see is what you get.’ That is the challenge staring each man in the face: To make his living of the three lives in his own unique way a vertically integrated generator of male instinctual response.

Because the female consideration is not as reactive as the surging male she can appear to be powered by an unsure woman.   That is not always true.  Perhaps rarely true. 

The decision making circuitry to decide about the same thing as a man is different in a woman.  That needs to be understood.  And appreciated. So it can impact our lives.  Reflected upon so it can impact our marriages.  Impact our language, sayings, expectations, our workplace (like making workplace based daycare more possible).  

An excellent illumination on the reality of women’s decision making is How Women Decide by Therese Huston. The book focuses on the extra and unfair work a woman has to do quickly, mentally in the moment to make her decision appear as valid as possible in the eyes of men. Huston also delves into the innate decision making differences between men and women. She highlights if a woman can grasp how to utilize her natural mental/emotional circuitry in a business setting then she can deactivate the resistance to her style of thinking. For our personal relationships the useful insights that are supported with how-to ideas are relevant to generating good conversation with your spouse to elevate understanding.

When we choose we, men and women, can update our beliefs about women.  We can learn a lot if we take the time and observe how this friction is a reality.  Communicate the fact of it and tell stories about it.  Resist the laziness that permits this difference to damage and not enlighten.  Resist blaming a woman for being a woman.

Women are not better than men.  Men are not better than women.  However because of the Female Frixion women are generally more true to their nature than men are to theirs.

This lack of connection with one’s essence as a man can cause stress in a man.  Without a strong emotional core, a man under stress can blame others for wanting to help him, he can delve into some form of drugs (including the internet). A man, even if he is really a good man, if he feels stressed, unappreciated or lost can get angry and become violent.  

Most likely women would think men experience this friction between the inner lives but they don’t.  So in difficult moments that require a couple to be on the same page, they often aren’t.  This can convert an important or difficult conversation into an argument.  Faster than we can stop it.  The argument is powered not by the issue being discussed but by the lack of understanding.  And exacerbated by how we feel about not being understood or understanding. 

+++

If women have the Female Frixion to connect them to their instinct, what do men have?  What can be the sand in the seashell that is a positive friction to produce a pearl?  

Ask yourself:

What do you stand for?  As a man, husband.

What do you uphold?  In the stress of providing for your family on a daily basis and also in the search for a sense of purpose.  

How agile are you within the Male Stack (of the three lives)?

Do you want to cultivate your response to the instinct?

What do you adhere to?  When the conversation turns sexist.

What do you cause in others?  By what you resist.

What are you in service to? For immediate and lifetime results. 

Fast: Part 1 of the series

Photo by rayul on Unsplash

Fast.

Man is fast.  A short man, a fat man, a bald guy, middle class, employee, entrepreneur, impatient, divorced, shy, bad breathed, fashionable, funny.  They are all men.  They are all fast.

How fast?  Reflex fast.   Faster than doubt fast.

What kind of fast? Sleight of hand fast.  Love fast. At the speed of love = responding from the blood and bones of your life.

Instant yet not ignorant.  Spontaneous but not fickle.

Like a leopard is dangerously fast in the jungle a fast man is emotionally capable.  Capable to receive, interpret and respond with sensitivity.   Sensitivity powered by the decisions he has made.  Sensitivity aligned to an external purpose.   The purpose can be a marriage or job or community project or his religious life. 

The fast man can take some time to get up to fast speed.   He has decisions to make, experiences to process, mistakes to recuperate from, self belief to re-encounter, success to follow up on, a man cave to manicure, love to share,  sensitivities to develop, a purpose to adhere to, personal religion to nurture.

A Fast Man is not in a hurry even though there may be a ton of things to do.  A Fast mind is not stressed but can definitely feel the pressure.  In Fast mode a man has perception because the task becomes the focus. 

A Fast mind is in the zone and has a sensitivity to the details and timings of the moment.   Those details include respect for people and the planet.  Timings can be in the project, in the moment or stage of life. In contrast, highlighting how you feel about how you feel turns a fast mind into a foggy mind.  The ego is quick to grab attention and energy but it has no friends. No partnerships. Fast is in association with Slow to generate some flow that supports growth.

 The book Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi provides very useful context and research that describes this mental space and what can happen when we embrace it.

Everyone, man or woman, anchored in their ego, is fast to judge.  Judging someone else’s response to the moment.  What do we know of that other person or the moment? Whether judging or being judged, neither has anything to do with the nature of a man.  Judgment has to do with the Ego.  Not the best part of the Ego.  What happens when a man responds according to his nature and is not restrained by his Ego?  A man not limited by judgement  is a man fast to offer his service.  Because it makes him feel valued as a man to be of service to others.  Despite his vulnerability.  His vulnerability is powered by how he feels as a man.  Whether he knows it or not. His vulnerability is accentuated when he cannot be a fast man when that is what is required.  That pains a man greatly.  To the point of boiling over into violent.  At the expense of self respect and dignity for his wife.  

Likewise, without a doubt if the sincere nature of a man is not appreciated, especially by those close to him, then his sense of service will come from his own need for self-respect. Meaning he will uphold what is right like the clean vigour of a man or the cleanliness of a job well done.

Problems start; and don’t stop when the fast nature of a man gets interrupted by misunderstandings, unclear relationships, money/work/stress, heavy traffic on the drive home, bad habits, fear, lack of confidence, lack of self belief.  That is his challenge.  To be clutch in the moment. Or even be the clutch that allows himself to change gears between fast, slow and visionary. To self elevate above his hesitation because he thinks he doesn’t know what to do. To find a way to keep going.   Without damage.  A stealth Satisfaction.

If he doesn’t have the ability to generate from within himself the sense of being a man when his feeling of accomplishment is delayed by life problems, then he bangs up against his limit.  His limit of patience, of conversation, of listening, of acceptance, of transcendence. What happens when he is face to face with his limit:  Frustration;  Yelling; Quit; Blame; Solutions; Creativity; Reflection;   Insults;  Violence? 

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

The fast man is he who is connected to his instinct.  Perhaps he has maintained this connection since birth.  Or by adherence to it at great personal social cost.  Or some combination of both.

The instinct is fast.  Beyond my fast and your fast.  Human fast.  Naturally fast.  Planetary fast.  Forest fast.  It is known that trees communicate with each other through their roots using a fungus called mycelium.  As soon as the first tree in the forest senses someone entering the territory the last tree knows it. Even if the last tree is 20 km away. That fast.  Our communion with the instinct is facilitated by belief.  Belief in a man. 

Be that man – fast in the moment – or striving to be so.

Man: Fast, Slow, Visionary. A Brief intro to the 3 part series.

Meet the man inside the man.

Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash

We are living with a mindset of a pandemic planet.  Experts are at a loss for a way forward. As we have to adjust our restrictions from spring life to summer living in 2020 absolutely nothing changes about men.  The combination of technological advancement and viral ferocity makes these unprecedented times.  

You too are unprecedented!   Your ‘photosynthesis’ of the moment is as unique as each plant in the forest.  You are a ‘once in a human race occurrence’.  It also means that you, and only you are responsible for your generation of belief in men.  The best of men.  The daily and inspiring man.  If international experts and politicians can’t make decisions you can.  You can forge the way forward in the bigness that is your life.

What is that man?   

Photo by Daniel Lincoln on Unsplash

He is Fast.  He is Slow.  He is Visionary.  He is all three.  By nature.  By birth.  These innate aspects might not be so obvious as a result of upbringing and education.  Regardless they are essential to highlight and aspire to.

More to follow.