FOMU: Fear Of Manning Up

An excerpt from an article by Sam Samson of the CBC:

Winnipeg woman said she will continue to advocate for body positivity after being the subject of misogynistic comments in a private group chat involving NHL players.

“Everything I post, I post online because I feel beautiful. I feel great. I feel worthy,” said Nicole Zajac. “I just don’t think it’s worth it to let a few comments from people who clearly don’t respect women get to you.”

Read the rest of the article here: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/hockey-winnipeg-groupchat-nhl-1.5560623

Ms. Zajac is a hero. Those guys are a product of their environment. But at some point a man is called to decide for himself how he thinks about women, what he wants to become and as a result what he will say. What each of these guys needed was help from their coaches and parents to use their upbringing and hockey training as a springboard into his unique robust, version of a man. Did they get it?

From her comments you can see that Ms. Zajac is emotionally agile. She has made decisions for herself about what she thinks of herself. She is strong enough to endure the low end of social media with the goal of helping others feel good about themselves. She is brave. Those guys…? They didn’t heed the call of being a man. They have FOMU: Fear Of Manning Up.

In order to support Ms. Zajac and to help guide young men, please take a look at my previous post:

https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/497

Prenup

Prenup.

For those who don’t know that’s what you do before you nup.

Obviously.

So don’t go nupping until you have pre-nupped.

Then you can nup.  Nuptialize yourself. And for the brave, you can post nup.

That’s called Marriage.  

The thing about Marriage is a guy can think he has one source of wisdom for how to marry his wife: himself.  That’s stupid.  He is not stupid but he needs help.  He is not alone.  

You Are Not Alone. For a few more ideas to generate understanding of each other please see my blog post: https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/534

Your marriage is yours. Still there is a beautiful solidarity that we men can provide each other when each one of us can connect with ‘My Best Ego’. Based in ‘My Best Ego’ you exhibit self responsibility. Your challenge, a fabulous spur to boost you into the New You is to: find something that gives Satisfaction to the part of a man that loves to support a woman. When you find that something – put it into your habits, routines and rituals. Find its friends.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Talking about love and support … It was a hot, sunny December day in Zihuatanejo, Guerrero, Mexico.  A good day to get married if ever there was one.  So I did.  To my wife of all people.

We are still married.  Still nupping.   Sometimes to my disbelief.  To my eternal benefit.

Before you go nupping with the love of your life it is a good idea to go in prepared with your eyes wide open.  They might be wide open but glazed over with smittiness.  Or you can get married with awareness that this is your life.  Your Romantic Life/Role in your life is so important.   Listen to it, respond to it  and do not be a slave to it.  Those who are slaves to their Romantic Roles in life often become bimbos, if they are lucky, abused if they aren’t.

So as you enter into a new stage in life and take on new roles as a woman/wife or man/husband you can agree on going to a lawyer to sign a draft prenuptial agreement to keep things clear from the beginning and separate from the emotions.  Love today – lose tomorrow.

Feel free to consult a family lawyer to imprint your prenuptial contract with the concerns as future spouses avoiding the nastiness of an immature divorce .  

Or …

Feel free and empowered to consult your soul to remind you what you Seek and Offer in your relationship.  That relationship that you assume is based on loving your spouse and being loved in return.  Each person loves the other for their insistence on it being true to themselves – that’s how we participate.

How do you Participate?  Legally?  Or Soulfully.  A little bit of both … Insisting?  true?  Free?  Seeking a Relationship?  Offering Soul (whatever that is).

The Soul Agreement might, at first glance, seem like it is with your spouse, when in fact it is internal.  With oneself.  It is an agreement to Seek and Offer.  Not just to Seek what you look for in a person.  Not only to Offer what you have always offered.  

You won’t just Seek a girlfriend, any girlfriend just because they listen to your mumbo jumbo will you?

In the Soul Agreement you Seek a confirmation that you are loved.  You Seek an opportunity to love someone else.  

Seek is the operative word.  You really, really want this.  You need this.  As a woman, as a man.  You aren’t browsing, like in a bookstore, in case you come across something that tickles your fancy.   You know what you want and you are intrigued to find out who has it and what is their unique expression of it.  Their expression of a good sense of humour, creativity, support, appreciation, determination.

In your own internal prenup what in the world are you going to Offer?  

Let’s Remember  There is no ‘counting-the-cost’ here.  You Offer because you want to.  It is not conditional.    Except of course the universal condition on all relationships: the insistence on human dignity and personal standards.   Meaning there is no violence or abuse.   Physical, emotional or otherwise.  No if – then threats hanging over your head that impede your instinct.  Something like – “If you don’t do what I say then there are going to be some serious repercussions!!”  No.

In a phrase, we offer to love and be loved.   This can be seen to be encapsulated in his marriage vows.  In this case it is an if – then promise:  ‘If you marry me then I promise to respond to you, an evolving, enriching woman, by being ready and willing to update my husband response as petitioned by you or my instinct.’ 

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Sew that seed of promise at the start of your marriage so that seven years later, when you are having another one of those difficult post nup days (that we seem to attract in certain phases) you have pre-programmed your Belief in: you, your spouse, marriage itself, your marriage.  Harvest the intention of those marriage vows.

To resolve whatever was the issue of the moment in a relationship you have an ally always in waiting:  My Best Ego.  We all need an ego to some degree to keep ourselves intact in daily life.  This helps us strive to grow, regroup after a mistake, be proud of our accomplishments, share life experience, ask for and offer help.  What happens is that our Ego can get out of control.  And it gets addicted to blocking the light of day from the rest of our inner lives plus the Ego and emotions of those around you.  

My Best Ego elevates your Ego – for positive results that can be shared.  Shared not only on Instagram but in conversation for the benefit of you and someone else; spouse or colleague or sibling or neighbour.   Use My Best Ego to Seek in your spouse her My Best Ego.  To Seek with anything less delivers dollar store quality results:  in the moment it suffices but you may find yourself repeating the same arguments all over again quite soon.  As a result you have learned little about the person you are married to and become the punching bag for their lack of emotional development.

Your Ego is based on how you feel about how you feel.  

My Best Ego generates opportunities for Fulfillment and Satisfaction that can be shared.

My Best Ego is you improving your fluency in human qualities of: persistence, Belief, patience, resilience, resourcefulness, forgiveness, optimism and maintaining standards. 

Read

The Fabulous work by Gail Sheehy in all things relationship. Written in 1998 it illustrates that wisdom stands the test of time and applies equally among gender and race. https://www.amazon.ca/Understanding-Mens-Passages-Discovering-Lives/dp/0345406907

Mind Sprouts

You as a woman want to be loved in a way that says you are uniquely special.  You know your dedication to your marriage/family is powered by your desire to love fully, naturally, confidently and your instinct will be supported by your spouse.

Love in the Time of Coronavirus

We live in a different world than we did 2 months ago. And our world will be again made different by the regulations and fears that accompany the re-ignition of daily life in the weeks and months when quarantines are lifted.

We live on a different planet than the characters in Gabriel Garcia Marquez 1985 novel, Love In The Time of Cholera. Taking place from 1880 – 1930 likely in Colombia. The protagonists profess their long distance love by telegraph and hand written letters that can take days and weeks to finally get read and be replied to. Nowadays we tweet, text and FaceTime in the moment – all the time. The content of the messages is the same. In the south and the north we are all searching for the same thing.

To love and be loved.

Photo by Luis Vidal on Unsplash

Fast forward 100 years or so and we can exchange Cholera for Coronavirus. Both are infectious diseases that can cause death. For that matter one might say there are some similarities with love.

What have we learned? About love and infection.

Here is a story from the here and now.

She brought her daughter and a dog. He had his 2 children and a dog. They married and added a child of their own. They came from contrasting cultures. Something happened to harmony. Not overnight.

For this man and woman now their many relationships as spouses, parents, step mom/dad and with in-laws are to some degree: disastrous, toxic and dangerous to all participants. Who is to blame?

We can blame him for sure. Because his patience ran out. We can also blame her because she doesn’t have anymore patience. We can definitely blame their parents who didn’t use all those years guide them into the necessary Self-Love. Add to your Coronaworld those infuriating times in a marriage and you have a recipe for disaster. We all need a good dose of Self-Love to get through the disruption and uncertainty that is Your Life During Coronavirus.

The more Self-Love we can muster these days then the less like a personal attack this whole situation can feel. While we are all doing some version of ‘sheltering in place’ or self-isolation or social distancing or quarantine we need to adjust to our new circumstance or get adjusted by it. There is no commuting to work, drive-through coffee, popping out for lunch, office flirting, useless meetings to complain about, personal space or no stories of what happened today at work or school.

We all need to give each other and ourselves a break because nobody saw this pandemic coming. Except Bill Gates. Many years and millions of dollars of donations ago.

Photo by Jove Duero on Unsplash

Love in the Time of Coronavirus is love of the imperfect you. Love of the grace of planet Earth. Loving the feeling of breathing in fresh spring air in a time when it might be dangerous to breathe. Love of forgiving and being forgiven – quickly when possible. Slowly when not.

Offering your smile to someone else is Self-Love. Complimenting their cooking is Self-Love; so is waking the dishes. People laughing at you instead of your dumb joke takes a fair amount of Self-Love. Belief in a life journey takes Self-love because it means you know that you are part of something bigger than daily life. Refining your habits, routines and rituals in order to offer your spouse a Satisfied husband is a good example of Self-Love. Because you want your Self-Love to be a part of your spouse’s happiness.

Soul Workout – 5 of 5

So, one more time …

Your soul loves its job. Your soul loves being …

It loves the books you read and the fresh spring air that you draw into your lungs. Your soul loves your kitchen dance. That dance you do to your YouTube playlist while you cook.

Jason Briscoe on Unsplash

Even when life isolates you because of a global pandemic or because of lack of understanding in your relationship you still generate love. It’s the soul love mentioned above. Many times the fact of soul love is little consolation when we are dealing with mid-life mayhem. Know that to lead ourselves and our family day after day we apply belief in the soul that pushes and pulls us.

Like in the emergence of spring, there is a Green power in us that gives birth, creates new and finds a way. It allows us to see the invisible. Which in fact is not invisible just not yet happened.

Accompanied by our soul we bring potential into being. In the process The New You blooms. The New You for what is clean and true and in the moment.

More or Higher …?

Doing a bit of research I typed in the word hotel into my browser. Within minutes there are ads on my screen for rooms all over the world.

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Photo by Orlova Maria on Unsplash

Data is the new oil – they say. Businesses can always use more data to refine their algorithm results. Corporations pay big money for your data = big data. Or they just syphon it off other websites. But do you need more data or information? Or rather more inspiration;  More passion?

Yes to inspiration. Yes to passion.
To resist the tyranny of big data we need references, resources, reasons and examples to educate ourselves about our sense of meaning. We all have a need for connection that runs 24/7 in each of us under the surface. Call it purpose, passion, meaning, calling, urge, mission – they are all asking you to connect what you encounter in daily life to what you are looking for on the inside. The inside is your devotional life – whether you think that is your thing or not. Since you have a soul your life is asking for some personal religion.

We need ways to elevate our source of references and reasons to get perception that make sense with daily life. We can read really old books or ask really old people a question and listen.

We need good reasons, enduring intentions and guiding sentiments to help in locating ourselves on our ongoing soul trajectory.

Crucial resources include maintaining a healthy foundation in the body, mind and emotions: find a moment of peace to couple with a moving meditation.  Regularly distinguish between habit, routine and ritual – and use them for your growth or phase them out.  Wonder about a higher purpose, be of service, teach, mentor and be mentored, tell stories, volunteer…

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Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

Rise of the Elder Class

Because the younger have more knowledge in our wired world we are seeing an ancient template for wisdom resurge.

Photo by Neelam Sundaram on Unsplash

It can be seen when ‘young earth mama’ Greta Thunberg is begging adults to be elders. To have more than just harvested money and ridden the emotional roller coaster of society’s whims.

Thunberg is highlighting that adults have a distinct role in using wisdom from their life experience to be responsible. Some of us are responsible in our smaller communities like marriage, family, industry, and that internal community of inner lives (think of the soul and spirit). Other’s lack of respondability will reveal them to be a toxic disaster even at the personal level.

Nowadays we are seeing that what we want at the community level has wide and long lasting impact on a much larger scale. Adults need to be proactive in the larger community because it seems to the planet Earth and the current youth that we don’t care.

To some extent that is true. It might be explained by seeking the missing education. The education of a journey of development whether that be human or planetary. We are designed as humans to want a spiritualized life yet we end up with monetized lives as are inspiration of success.

The wisdom of a vision quest or way of the ancients is missing. And leaves us wanting.

Leaves our soul longing.

Perception is a residue of higher connection. It’s like a second education. In cultural terms this urge to keep learning in each different stage of life gets labeled and monetized as ‘Self Help’. With a plethora of far fetched ideas for personal development from instant gurus combined with easy to publish e-books the natural urge to grow has become a joke. Yet it is exactly Self Help that will attract the perception that Ms. Thunberg expects.

Help yourself to books that have bits of wisdom hidden in the stories, quotes, photos, poems. Help yourself to a retreat where you meet your pathway to eldership. Help yourself to the well-being and peace that nature effuses and where perception abounds.

It’s natural for children and adults to have elders in their lives. It’s not a given that you or I do the work to rise into elderness. I’m not about to tell Ms. Thunberg I’m not going to apply myself. Are you?

Rise up old man!

Be the elder you were born to be. Offer the next generation guidance and resilience. Hope and finesse.

Make Their Fulfillment Your Satisfaction

When their Fulfillment becomes your Satisfaction. That is one of the Magical Arts of Love.

H Heyerlein on Unsplash

Remember the Art of War where the local administration is in charge of the decisions which the army carries out for the benefits of the community to live in peace. ‘In Peace’ feels great for us personally. But it is the impact at the human level that this environment of peace permits the soul to do it’s work. The soul is childlike in its enthusiasm, it’s readiness to enhance the human experience; your life.

Participating in this enhancement of someone else, because you made their fulfillment your satisfaction, is a valid expression of love. See a previous post for a bit of background: https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/97

Part of the art of this love is understanding that the person we are supporting will shine. In part because of you.

Their shining for who and what they are and what they love to do is not a rejection of you. You are not being left behind. You are getting a glimpse of The New You of your spouse.

Designecologist on Unsplash

She loves you for support and feels you too want to rise into your The New You.

Soul Workout – 4

Your soul loves its job. Your soul loves being your soul.

Jon Butterworth on Unsplash

Your soul loves when you: connect with the planet; breathe in and feel part of the moment; sense you are in the flow of now. This can elevate you into your Devotion Emotion. This is our Yellow Power. This is loving and being loved.

Loving the belief in life’s trajectory; being loved by the higher realms that our source of light.

Jon Butterworth on Unsplash

Ask:

How do I create light for others like the higher realms do for me? This is the religious roller coaster of getting devotional and then re-integrating the elevated you with daily life. This is our fabulous challenge. And this is what helps us develop into a fabulous person.

Soul Workout – 3

Jesse Gardner on Unsplash

Your soul loves its job. Your soul loves being your soul.

It’s a cloudy and cool spring day here now. Which works for the moment. Since you can’t see it, imagine the light blue of the sky. Endless and true and welcoming. Stay with this colour blue …

One way to keep up with your soul is to develop your intuition and observation skills. This allows your sensitivity to respond not only to ego matters but to soul signals as well.

Form on Unsplash

What are pushups for the soul is when we can use our higher faculty again and again in order to project how we want to grow. Using the mental faculty now we can make the future connections we want.

When we can carve out the time in daily life (or there is a worldwide pandemic and we can’t leave home) there is an opportunity to elevate and focus the mind.

Breathe …

What do you want?

Why do you want it? What will it cause in you? How will that be of service to: your spouse, the planet, your devotion life, …?

Soul Workout – 2

Your soul loves its job. Your soul loves being your soul.

Nine Kopfer on Unsplash

This is the Red section. For lack of eloquence it can be plainly stated your Soul wants routine. It wants you to get stuff done so there is a sense of realization that can then be repeated. In the same action you get satisfaction. Your Red Art is to seek experience that delivers soul realization and personal satisfaction.

Find a way to make your seeking repeatable. And fun, intriguing, fruitful, inspiring. Find a way to share – other than Facebook. What are the many things you want to learn as a result of seeking for your soul.

Understand your Magnetic Strip. Like the black strip on your credit card that identifies your resources. What is your magnetic strip? What resources do you have because of your soul? What resources do you provide your soul? Like higher emotional content that is you wanting something greater than you. That can be in family or business or community.

Another Day With Photosynthesis

Photo by Ed van duijn on Unsplash

It’s a beautiful day today. I don’t know about the weather where you are but here after the dawn rain the clouds are breaking up and the wind is gaining strength quickly. It’s a beautiful spring day. In leaps and bounds the bulbs are sprouting over night in an announcement of bright yellow, cozy little petals of purple and beds of Bluebells. Smell this year’s version of fresh, the release of the water in the soil gifting us mud. You can practically taste the minerals in the air. Now, all of this Earthly excitement reminded me of something.

A few months ago I posted about Photosynthesis. Yours. Here is the link right here.

https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/272

Let’s shine a little more light on this topic again.

Your photosynthesis is your magic. Your way. Your light (You’re light). Your sun.

Photo by Merle Sterner on Unsplash

How does your warmth loosen up the potential in others; so they want to grow and flourish and share? How do you transform raw materials into growth? Whether at work, with your spouse (in good times and in bad …), with your children. Could be a crisis, an opportunity, an idea, a mission, a problem, a conflict, teamwork, a life vision. It might be something that is not your responsibility or it actually is your time to step up in a new stage in life. Then again it could be how you find Fulfillment as a Woman or get Satisfaction as a Man that is a catalyst for others. What is it that you want that is so powerful that it can make simple ingredients into new life?

For a flower there may be pests, concrete, animals, humans helping or hindering, flood or drought and disease that challenge existence. Still they are able to struggle to germinate, sprout, grow and bloom with colour and fragrance. What does your plasma of possibility contain that you receive whatever conditions the situation presents and turn it into growth? That’s you. That’s your photosynthesis. Your ability to synthesize yesterday and today with tomorrow. Your creativity with the light, you shine into the hard to reach places and in difficult scenarios.

Your photosynthesis is you – clean and true and in the moment. Your Soul-powered-mind focused on making life possible in you and causing the same in those around you.

Soul Workout – 1

Soul workout

Your soul loves its job. Your soul loves being your soul. It loves receiving the variety of information you deliver to it on daily and devotional levels.

Diana Akmetianova on Unsplash

Cardio exercise for your soul is you reading an interesting book, creative writing, gardening, nature connection meditation.

There are myriad ways you can do soul body building. In fact there are five aspects of your soul that you can work with.

Here is the first. Let’s call it White. To feed White you will Seek what’s next. You will have vision for how to grow and generate your own opportunities. Read books. Ask questions. Listen to interesting people.

Inside of what you hear and read seek to understand the motivation of others as you develop and refine your vision for your soul experience.

Ikka Karkkainen on Unsplash

Question: what do I seek – for my soul/ as a man/ for my marriage?

Be sure to heed what your ego wants and what your devotional life is nudging you towards.

Habit, Routine and Ritual

Like a flower has roots, stem with leaves and the flower carrying seeds, our scale of Habit-Routine-Ritual is a structure for growth.

Mike Labrum on Unsplash

Habits are the roots that connect us in daily life. Routines are the leaves that receive the light of today. Rituals are the flowers that are abundant with potential.

Habits are important because they are the foundation for growth. Routines are important because it is the stage that connects daily life with higher realms. Rituals are important because they are what makes us human. In your Rituals your human potential is enlivened by these higher powers. This higher source influences your sense of purpose thus creating the New You. The New You has greater clarity of vision and belief in human qualities that make their way into your habits and routines.

GMB Monkey on Unsplash

This is the daily/devotional relationship that ends up being your personal religion. With active and true Habits, Routines and Rituals your personal religion will flow into your Rituals. Your Way will overflow into your routines and rain on your habits.

You Call It Self Care

I call it self love. Perhaps it is the same thing. Reading here may reveal we are on the same page or not. I would imagine we are.

Tyler Nix on Unsplas

The Book of Self-care by Mary Beth Janssen can be found here: https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/the-book-of-self-care/9781454926313-item.html. Exercises and activities are always useful to get from advice to action. So check out the ones in this book.

It is important to note that maintenance is not growth. Maintenance is the soil for the seed of the soul. You germinate your higher soul with your sense of self love. Self love grows into the light, the warmth and transformative qualities associated with it.

Discover and share the unique of others. Highlight and refine the unique of you.

Unique U.

As a natural act of appreciation a Hamilton, Ontario radio station is asking listeners to call in with the first name of a front line worker (nurse, doctor, police) they want to say thank you to. ‘Sue, who is a paramedic from St. Catherines – thank you!’ Great initiative: simple and inclusive to recognize professionalism and dedication.

Ani Kolleshi on Unsplash

In these times of global worry what can we do to participate in societal protection and our communal recovery?

Like me if you are not working in a hospital or related services it can feel helpless to be confined at home. Although staying home is of great service to your family and all of the communities you are a part of so we don’t get sick or get others sick, it can feel passive.

What else can I do to help?

Seek the best in others. Offer the best of yourself.

Living without many of our daily habits, having our routines compressed or put on hold can put us on edge. Maybe you are taking care of and educating children. We can be impatient. Frustrated. Out of our element. Being limited by new health based protocols and regulations, that are for our own well being, can reveal we have to find new ways to live. Can we find topics of conversation so we are not accumulating fear by only focusing on the virus?

Yes! Go back to school. Enrol in Unique University. Unique U. is where we learn more about ourselves, others, marriage, parent roles, stages in life. We can learn jokes, new recipes, some Yoga, paint a picture, plant a few veggies in starter pots. We could get better at singing or realize what we already knew – that we will never be a good singer:)

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

In the tutorials of Unique U. we are the student one moment and the teacher the next. Our emotions (daily / devotional) and human qualities are the curriculum. Seek the one-of-a-kind of each of us that can easily get lost in the rush and demands of daily life.

Offer to read out loud to someone an interesting few lines from a book and seek their perception about it. Seek to understand the ‘why’ of yesterday to offer better vision of the ‘how’ for tomorrow. Seek satisfaction for yourself to offer fulfillment to others.

This can help us update our beliefs about ourselves. Highlight that you are versatile, creative and resourceful. It can also remind us our family members are funny, quirky, spontaneous and caring.