Excerpt from book in progress about Satisfaction – Habit, Routines and Ritual

Photo by Anders Jildén on Unsplash

When I was ten years old I took my first communion.   Because I went to public elementary school I had to take catechism classes once a week at night at the Catholic school.  The Catholic school kids had their own mass for their first communion and then our public school group had ours a few Sundays later.  It was a spring day with a beautiful blue sky full of potential activity.  My parents made me wear a mustard yellow ascot to go with my burnt orange velvet blazer -the one with my dried snot on the right sleeve where I had wiped my nose which made my mom so mad.  She was right.  It really was a cool blazer.  It definitely wasn’t a blue suit.  

I can picture the photo of us outside on the church steps afterwards as we posed for the portrait of the moment.  My mom was shining her beautiful smile as always.  My dad was in full 1970’s style with the big tie and bigger sideburns.  Grandma, my dad’s mom,  was there in a nice baby blue dress.  She was of the era, born before 1900,  when you didn’t smile for photos.  She definitely didn’t break rank that day.

I got paired with a girl from our catechism class to take the Communion offering and collection up to the altar.  She got the money.  I took the Bread of Transcendence.  

I was really nervous as we walked up the aisle.  It was my first time.  There was nothing I was repeating.  No Habit to tyrannize me; no Routine to coach me.  The girl and I and everyone at mass were participating in a Ritual.  Called Communion.  This Communion ritual is the act of elevating the Daily version of ourselves to experience the Devotional one.    A communion of Daily and Devotional.

Priests, parents, teachers and Elders are understood to instruct the young on the arts and skills of releasing the Devotional into the Daily.  That means the religious service connects the participants with higher energy – Devotional; and young people need help to walk the talk of this life wisdom. Actually we all need guidance to process the impression of formal religion on our mind and soul so we can create habits that amount to a personal religion.   It might feel easier to release an elephant from the local zoo into your city centre than to step into your personal religion.  

Ritual abounds in religion, in sports, in art, in making tea, in meditation, in martial arts, in connecting with nature, in nature. Ritual is high intention combined with mental focus and followed through with an action that attracts confirmation from the higher purpose of those doing the ritual. The Ritual is a vehicle for the person to accumulate in their blood and bones the residue of higher forces. The sound, movements, words, songs, dances are in support of this human – energy connection. If we lose sight of this then what was supposed to be ritual becomes tradition.

This topic is important because all men are constantly receiving real energy to grow as a male, man and gentleman.  The confusion is while some guys seem to be able to manage their energy without getting into too much trouble, why do some men use the energy they receive to disrespect women through violence and other forms of aggression? 

The energy that powers a man is powerful.  If we suffer from an inability to give this power expression then we might: feel agitated, lack confidence, get crushed by depression.  And some of us get violent.  The violence can be swinging fists, hurling insults, sexual perversion to name a few of the many forms.  Instead what can be really useful for young men is to learn their unique energy management.   The violence against a woman can happen in a brief, horrible moment. But the frustration of a lack of self understanding in a man builds up in him over years. Bomb like. They can explode in a fit of violence, be detonated by a psychologist or be dismantled by the man himself.

That is why it is crucial to develop Habits, create Routine and be ready for Ritual. 

We are all allowed to get frustrated and talk about it.  Get angry about the frustration.  Anger doesn’t imply aggressive words or threatening stances or personal insults.  There is no blame.  A man is responsible for his energy management. That is something he needs help with.  Something he needs to learn and refine all life long. So when we have an argument with our wife there is no violence because we don’t have pent up energy. Instead we have some sense of momentary Satisfaction. Generated by Habits of cleaning up after yourself in the kitchen, checking your sports scores; Routines of taking the dog for her walk, of seeing your buddies in the weekend; Rituals of eating dinner together, of pursuing your personal religion. That way we have avenues of expression for our energy.    Because the frustration or disrespect or stress you bang up against in daily life is handled by a foundation of Habit, Routine and Ritual.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

There are lots of variations of energy in men including: sexual energy, Devotional energy where one is caused to look for meaning and a higher purpose, the energy that goes with their Life Stage, marriage energy and male energy to list a few.  It is good to recognize there is a lot going on all at the same time.  We all need help.  Conversation.  It is our role as a man to grasp the natural influences in our life and do something about them.  Your energy and how you react or respond to it actually has nothing to do with your wife or girlfriend.

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A quick word about sexual energy.  The human sexual energy is very strong.  It is not bad nor is it well understood.  It is not just sex.  Physical sex.  It is a range of creative powers that can result in a new business, a new relationship, a new recipe or even a new baby.  You see teenagers and some young adults, even some famous adults, who can’t think about anything else.    It makes their decisions for them. It runs their life. Their inability to resist it or manage it ruins their life.   For a pubescent teenager this makes sense it almost consumes their life because the connection with this energy is itself always new, so intense in the moment and powerful in its impact.   

Poor sexual energy management can have harming repercussions that cut deep and last years.   In marriage, family, society and men in general we generally make it difficult to talk about and direct this power.  The youth need guidance from elders like mom and dad.  And they need to do stuff that uses up the energy.  This is a huge challenge.  How do you use up the undeniable sexual energy running through the bodies of young people without it being physical sex?  Think sports, guitar lessons, dancing, hanging out, parties, fixing up your bike, fixing up your car, cleaning your room!, hiking, swimming, help them get a part time job, volunteering, anything and everything, … Keep thinking and doing and talking and guiding.

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When a man is beyond the reach of his elders because he won’t listen to them, they aren’t worth listening to or he has simply outgrown them in his case – how does he know when and how to use the natural sexual energy?   Hopefully throughout this book there are ideas and inspirations that generate avenues of investigation and belief that help in this aspect.

Please remember that sexual energy and your Devotional energy are not the same thing and should never be confused.  Both can have an aspect of attraction/calling, companionship, loving and being loved, connection and an impulse for meaning that drives you to do things you wouldn’t do yourself.  But they are not the same.  Those in positions of power that they wield to confuse others about these two natural energies are misusing their power.  The priests of the Catholic church has a lot of damaging experience in this territory.

This book is written to create some distance between all men and this confusion of sexual/devotional energy mentioned above.  We urgently need passion and ideas and people to clarify a man’s path forward and specifically highlight the unique man they may see before themselves.  

It is vital to grasp that this is a daily challenge for a man.  The challenge of finding his path forward using his unique abilities to synthesize the task at hand into daily life in a satisfaction producing way.  This urge upon him for self-realization is non stop.  At times subtle.  At times shouting.  At times a beautiful congress in the moment of  life trajectory and courage. At times a complete mess of what he wants in contrast to what he is doing and what he thinks he should do.   Some guys can wake up and even before they open their eyes they are already depressed!  And others wake up without an alarm at 4:30 am everyday to: work out, meditate, write, make breakfast and then get to work by 6:30? 

Habits can categorize a man’s energy.  Routines can process it.  Rituals can reveal it.

You can’t talk about Habits without mentioning Routine. With a mention of routine then the next logical step is to see the where and when of Ritual. If it this isn’t your experience then you need to create the circumstance and meet the people and ask yourself the questions to generate your own purpose. In the moment that can make us vulnerable to not know the way forward and ask for directions. And it can also can take us to new places and introduce us to the New You.

Stanford University psychology professor BJ Fogg has a good grasp on the aspect of habit as a way to improve daily life. He has been looking into the topic for many years and has many anecdotes to share in his book Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything. He is practical in finding how to side step self sabotage on the journey of growth. It is annoying for those of us who think we are maximizing our time and producing based on our work habits. Take a look.

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It’s all in your head. And it is also in your blood and bones. A few connections to ponder:

Ritual – Projection – Energy – Beliefs

Routine – Imagination – Power – Prayer

Habit – Location – Strength – Declaration

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Tradition can be reduced to a routine, converted into a ritual minimized, squeezed into a habit.   Or you can build your own traditions that have the power of Habit, the reliability of routine and the Attractive energy of Ritual.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

For guys to hear mention of the word ritual they can go down four different mental paths. 

1 .Ritual to mean religious ritual that is something you do in a temple/house of worship and it has always been like that, you unconsciously repeat a few prayers and you are done.  Whether there has been a transformative process is another question; 

2. New Age flaky ritual based in ancient traditions with everyone bearfoot, wearing white and chaniting themselves into a trance.  Perhaps the greatest difference between these first two types of rituals is that the New Age one is probably more effective at delivering on the concept of a transformation.

3.  The ritual display that guys know is in sports: The goalie goes onto the ice first. Or the quarterback puts eye black under his eyes (TB12) because that’s what he always does to get him to his peak performance.  

4.   The ritual well known through the animal world: mating.  This ritual can take place at any hour in any place.  Popular mating ritual temples are bars on Friday night.  However increasingly the ritual has gone online.  The ritual nowadays amounts to swiping right.  Dating apps and websites made famous by Tinder. 

Write On:

What is a habit you:

Have

Want

What is a Routine you:

Can develop

Can refine

What is a Ritual you:

Can enliven with your Belief

Can create to connect with nature

Excerpt – Men

An excerpt from a book in progress about Satisfaction.

 

Photo by David Billings on Unsplash

Men: A Declaration 

Untangling ourselves from the many demands and distractions of life,

It is the task to remember and to realize …

A Man is a Vibrant Power.

With a Willingness that is Clean.

With an Agility that is True.

He Seeks how to Help and be Helped,

As one of his expressions of Loving and Being Loved.

He insists on finding a way to grow

and bask in the flourishing of others.

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This is you.  You know it. You love it. And then life happens.  Life Stages contort us.  Stress manhandles us.  Age changes us. Both husband and wife can feel when this declaration above doesn’t describe the man in their midst.

No big deal really.  If he can get his boot in the stirrup to get back in the saddle.  If he knows how he can find his power. To do and to be. 

A woman loves her nurturing nature.  She savours the fulfillment when she can embody her nature.   When that nature gets usurped by ‘saving her toxic boyfriend from himself’ then the morass of emotion that ensues is bottomless.  The problem is when he can’t find the stirrup, or his power or doesn’t know where he is at.    

Man Formula  

Man = Control x Dexterity + Purpose

Or

Man = Versatile/The Moment x Love.

Go for it.  What is your Man Formula?  

Man = ________________________ + ____________________ / __________________

Man = ________________________ x ____________________ + __________________

If you are reading this on a device then in your cell phone put your ideas in notes.

There is no right response.  There is you, the moment and the man you want to be.

Is your Man Formula an algorithm for reliable growth or a declaration of predictability?

In the moment whatever is needed of the man for his own Satisfaction or in service to others is the Formula for that moment.  And that is a big part of how men can fumble and stumble.  This feeling of being lost.   The idea they are not valued.  Not knowing what they want because things move too fast for their This-is-the-man-I-have-become Mind Set. 

Man Cave

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus written by John Gray in 1992 is a seminal work on relationships.  From there we get a concrete identification of the Man Cave.

To hear the man himself take a look at this TedTalk:

The Man Cave of my childhood was my dad in his furnace room.  I was born after he had established that dark, hot cramped room as his retreat.  There were no windows in that basement emotional hideout.   But it did have all kinds of little nooks where you could hide a mickey of whisky.  He kept tools and screws, seasonal clothes and various knick knacks collected from trips.  He also kept all kinds of sports jerseys and equipment long after it was of use except to act as his personal jailer that wouldn’t let him join the present moment.  You had to be very careful if you wanted to get rid of anything from his cave. 

There was actually a lot of love he had for being a father that, if he could have grown some emotional agility, could have been repurposed.  Instead he spent his time rearranging running shoes and ski boots completely cut off from any sense of togetherness.  Imagine if he had received the guidance from his father or other family members about how to deal with the emotional challenge of being a man in the succession of development stages of life.  He could have still been the king of his Man Cave – no one was going to take it away.  His cave could have been an engine for Satisfaction in him that reverberated through his family.  And ignited his interest in the unique way of Satisfaction of others.  This scenario is more common than sad.  The details are obviously different in every family but the dynamic of a man cave becoming a prison is likely a pandemic.


The Man Cave Function (fill in the blanks)
My Man Cave
generates in me: _______________________ + _________________________ 
so I can offer ___________________________ + ________________________ 
Into my personal and professional life.

The Man Cave is actually quite varied in its expressions.  It can be the convertible he drives 8 times a year and keeps in a storage unit in impeccable condition, the shed out back, the garage that is completely organized, swept and labelled, or the garage that is a wanna be junk shop. Some guys are very efficient at Man Caving – finding Satisfaction in their guy time.  Other guys their Man Cave becomes their life.  Their Man Caving might be sharing their photos of antique cars or buying and selling baseball cards.  It might be drinking beer and looking at his phone.   

Does he emerge from his cave and offer a confident man to his spouse in times of marital stress.  Or to share the paternal sensitivty to know when his son needs guidance in school, about sex and drugs.  Or to clarify the concepts of Male Stack and Female Frixion?  If we can’t handle stress or provide sensitivity because we hide in our Man Cave then whatever the cost of our Man Cave – it becomes really expensive.

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Question:  The Man Cave has its purpose.  It’s a matter of ROI.  Is the return on the investment he puts into it worth the human life energy that it soaks up?   

The song These Eyes by The Guess Who in 1969 is what can happen if we get swallowed up by our Man Cave or are otherwise unable to communicate with our spouse.

These Eyes

These eyes, cry every night for you

These arms, long to hold you, again

The hurting’s on me yea

But I will never be free, oh my baby no no

Hear it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw8nXCx5qgo

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It’s not that your Man Cave is a bad place.  It is a matter of management.

Man Cave can also be seen as an action if the Man Cave is functioning as an aspect of his emotional management leading to Satisfaction.  Things like: working late, volunteering, sibling/parent issues, exercise, coaching, professional development, attending church/temple.

Nothing wrong with your unique man cave or your Man Caving routines – as long as you are in charge.  See Chapter 7 on Habits.  Man Caving process allows a man to breathe, think, process his emotions, organize his stuff and his thoughts whether consciously or not, create new avenues for expression of his unique synthesis of love and of being autonomous.  

Autonomous can mean to the man to be in control. Control may be useful but it can become tyrannical.  Tyrannical it may appear to be, at first glance, on one’s family members.  But really it is limiting the emotional range, spontaneity and willingness of the man.  

Man Caving is the natural experience to regroup and then re-engage with family, with life and personal growth challenges.  

Man Caving is the process of a Satisfaction craving creature getting what he needs at his speed.  

Man Caving can be cool and rewarding and stress relieving but it is not an end unto itself.  The world keeps rolling while we are man caving.  The point is to re-integrate with renewed energy to seek and create opportunities to offer love and be of service.  Service can be telling a hilarious story from work, taking out the garbage, asking your daughter what she finds interesting about studying chemistry.  Being of service to others delivers Satisfaction to you.  As a result you can offer a man at peace willing to love and be loved.  Checkout this post: 

https://wild-coach.com/2019/05/17/10-things-a-young-man-needs-to-to-hear-from-a-man/

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Reflection:  

What conversation would shed light on the path of repurposing some of my Man Caving towards Satisfaction so I can offer my family the real me?  

Take a few minutes to watch this brief nature video as you reflect on your conversation:

https://wild-coach.com/2020/04/10/1-minute-wilderness-clouds/

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We may use our Man Cave because we just had an argument, need some space and want some autonomy.  Or from boredom of being at home and everyone is doing their own screen time on a phone or laptop.  We may go Man Caving out of habit: after dinner, load the dishwasher, kids do their homework while pretending not to peek at their cell phone, wife reading beside kids so you go to the garage to clean the car and organize your tools.  What is the residue from our cave time?

When a man, or the man and woman can’t extract the necessary value out of the Man Cave experience then he feels incomplete, lost; can be irritable and fragile.  Let’s avoid blame and find a way to communicate.

What he likely won’t say with words is that he lacks confidence.  Success begets success.  However the change process from lack of confidence, that semi-consciously expects failure, to a good attitude with resilience and resourcefulness can be challenging.  A fragile man lashes out at others who are trying to germinate little successes in him.  Even a man not so fragile thinks he is seen as incompetent because he can’t see that getting help is natural.   That needing help is normal.  Accepting help is smart and being grateful for help is very becoming of a gentleman. 

Mind Sprouts:  

Mind Sprouts are opportunities to use your Focus and Belief to grow mental pathways.

I am not wrong because change is constant and cannot be controlled.

I am not being made wrong because my family asks more from me based on their beliefs in my ability to grow.  

I am not a bad man because I am being tasked to elevate my understanding.

Where are there five minutes in myday to think about elevating my understanding?

Let’s Remember:

 We are all responsible for our emotions.

 ‘no man is an island’

Share without counting the cost.

Forgiveness is a by-product of your energy being refocused on growing.

Let go of yesterday; Grab the Now and Point it up at your Future.

Say/Think/Write:

As a way to generate Emotional Self-Responsibility – what are your thoughts today:

I am proud of me as as man because __________________________________.

I get disappointed with myself when I __________________________________.

I get frustrated with myself because I can’t understand my wife.

I can laugh at myself when I _________________________________________.

I feel Satisfied because I did my morning exercises before going to work.

I feel ____________________________________________________________.

I have settled into mid life somehow.  I think it has something to do with when I can sit out on the porch early on Saturday mornings.  It seems to bring me some kind of peace.  It’s like a meditation watching the birds and the squirrels and the trees.

I have a little ritual that brings me ____________________________________________.

Nothing Personal:   

This Satisfactioning is life long work.  Each man is a work in progress – each day.  Which says over time, your Art and Skill of Satisfaction will become part of your Personal Religion.  Whatever that means and whatever that looks like.

FOMU: Fear Of Manning Up

Photo by Mark Landman on Unsplash

An excerpt from an article by Sam Samson of the CBC:

Winnipeg woman said she will continue to advocate for body positivity after being the subject of misogynistic comments in a private group chat involving NHL players.

“Everything I post, I post online because I feel beautiful. I feel great. I feel worthy,” said Nicole Zajac. “I just don’t think it’s worth it to let a few comments from people who clearly don’t respect women get to you.”

Read the rest of the article here: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/hockey-winnipeg-groupchat-nhl-1.5560623

Ms. Zajac is a hero. Those guys are a product of their environment. But at some point a man is called to decide for himself how he thinks about women, what he wants to become and as a result what he will say. What each of these guys needed was help from their coaches and parents to use their upbringing and hockey training as a springboard into his unique robust, version of a man. Did they get it?

From her comments you can see that Ms. Zajac is emotionally agile. She has made decisions for herself about what she thinks of herself. She is strong enough to endure the low end of social media with the goal of helping others feel good about themselves. She is brave. Those guys…? They didn’t heed the call of being a man. They have FOMU: Fear Of Manning Up.

In order to support Ms. Zajac and to help guide young men, please take a look at my previous post:

https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/497

Love in the Time of Coronavirus

We live in a different world than we did 2 months ago. And our world will be again made different by the regulations and fears that accompany the re-ignition of daily life in the weeks and months when quarantines are lifted.

We live on a different planet than the characters in Gabriel Garcia Marquez 1985 novel, Love In The Time of Cholera. Taking place from 1880 – 1930 likely in Colombia. The protagonists profess their long distance love by telegraph and hand written letters that can take days and weeks to finally get read and be replied to. Nowadays we tweet, text and FaceTime in the moment – all the time. The content of the messages is the same. In the south and the north we are all searching for the same thing.

To love and be loved.

Photo by Luis Vidal on Unsplash

Fast forward 100 years or so and we can exchange Cholera for Coronavirus. Both are infectious diseases that can cause death. For that matter one might say there are some similarities with love.

What have we learned? About love and infection.

Here is a story from the here and now.

She brought her daughter and a dog. He had his 2 children and a dog. They married and added a child of their own. They came from contrasting cultures. Something happened to harmony. Not overnight.

For this man and woman now their many relationships as spouses, parents, step mom/dad and with in-laws are to some degree: disastrous, toxic and dangerous to all participants. Who is to blame?

We can blame him for sure. Because his patience ran out. We can also blame her because she doesn’t have anymore patience. We can definitely blame their parents who didn’t use all those years guide them into the necessary Self-Love. Add to your Coronaworld those infuriating times in a marriage and you have a recipe for disaster. We all need a good dose of Self-Love to get through the disruption and uncertainty that is Your Life During Coronavirus.

The more Self-Love we can muster these days then the less like a personal attack this whole situation can feel. While we are all doing some version of ‘sheltering in place’ or self-isolation or social distancing or quarantine we need to adjust to our new circumstance or get adjusted by it. There is no commuting to work, drive-through coffee, popping out for lunch, office flirting, useless meetings to complain about, personal space or no stories of what happened today at work or school.

We all need to give each other and ourselves a break because nobody saw this pandemic coming. Except Bill Gates. Many years and millions of dollars of donations ago.

Photo by Jove Duero on Unsplash

Love in the Time of Coronavirus is love of the imperfect you. Love of the grace of planet Earth. Loving the feeling of breathing in fresh spring air in a time when it might be dangerous to breathe. Love of forgiving and being forgiven – quickly when possible. Slowly when not.

Offering your smile to someone else is Self-Love. Complimenting their cooking is Self-Love; so is waking the dishes. People laughing at you instead of your dumb joke takes a fair amount of Self-Love. Belief in a life journey takes Self-love because it means you know that you are part of something bigger than daily life. Refining your habits, routines and rituals in order to offer your spouse a Satisfied husband is a good example of Self-Love. Because you want your Self-Love to be a part of your spouse’s happiness.

Soul Workout – 5 of 5

So, one more time …

Your soul loves its job. Your soul loves being …

It loves the books you read and the fresh spring air that you draw into your lungs. Your soul loves your kitchen dance. That dance you do to your YouTube playlist while you cook.

Jason Briscoe on Unsplash

Even when life isolates you because of a global pandemic or because of lack of understanding in your relationship you still generate love. It’s the soul love mentioned above. Many times the fact of soul love is little consolation when we are dealing with mid-life mayhem. Know that to lead ourselves and our family day after day we apply belief in the soul that pushes and pulls us.

Like in the emergence of spring, there is a Green power in us that gives birth, creates new and finds a way. It allows us to see the invisible. Which in fact is not invisible just not yet happened.

Accompanied by our soul we bring potential into being. In the process The New You blooms. The New You for what is clean and true and in the moment.

More or Higher …?

Doing a bit of research I typed in the word hotel into my browser. Within minutes there are ads on my screen for rooms all over the world.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is orlova-maria-b37mdypzdjm-unsplash.jpg

Photo by Orlova Maria on Unsplash

Data is the new oil – they say. Businesses can always use more data to refine their algorithm results. Corporations pay big money for your data = big data. Or they just syphon it off other websites. But do you need more data or information? Or rather more inspiration;  More passion?

Yes to inspiration. Yes to passion.
To resist the tyranny of big data we need references, resources, reasons and examples to educate ourselves about our sense of meaning. We all have a need for connection that runs 24/7 in each of us under the surface. Call it purpose, passion, meaning, calling, urge, mission – they are all asking you to connect what you encounter in daily life to what you are looking for on the inside. The inside is your devotional life – whether you think that is your thing or not. Since you have a soul your life is asking for some personal religion.

We need ways to elevate our source of references and reasons to get perception that make sense with daily life. We can read really old books or ask really old people a question and listen.

We need good reasons, enduring intentions and guiding sentiments to help in locating ourselves on our ongoing soul trajectory.

Crucial resources include maintaining a healthy foundation in the body, mind and emotions: find a moment of peace to couple with a moving meditation.  Regularly distinguish between habit, routine and ritual – and use them for your growth or phase them out.  Wonder about a higher purpose, be of service, teach, mentor and be mentored, tell stories, volunteer…

erik-mclean-1626107-unsplash
Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

Rise of the Elder Class

Because the younger have more knowledge in our wired world we are seeing an ancient template for wisdom resurge.

Photo by Neelam Sundaram on Unsplash

It can be seen when ‘young earth mama’ Greta Thunberg is begging adults to be elders. To have more than just harvested money and ridden the emotional roller coaster of society’s whims.

Thunberg is highlighting that adults have a distinct role in using wisdom from their life experience to be responsible. Some of us are responsible in our smaller communities like marriage, family, industry, and that internal community of inner lives (think of the soul and spirit). Other’s lack of respondability will reveal them to be a toxic disaster even at the personal level.

Nowadays we are seeing that what we want at the community level has wide and long lasting impact on a much larger scale. Adults need to be proactive in the larger community because it seems to the planet Earth and the current youth that we don’t care.

To some extent that is true. It might be explained by seeking the missing education. The education of a journey of development whether that be human or planetary. We are designed as humans to want a spiritualized life yet we end up with monetized lives as are inspiration of success.

The wisdom of a vision quest or way of the ancients is missing. And leaves us wanting.

Leaves our soul longing.

Perception is a residue of higher connection. It’s like a second education. In cultural terms this urge to keep learning in each different stage of life gets labeled and monetized as ‘Self Help’. With a plethora of far fetched ideas for personal development from instant gurus combined with easy to publish e-books the natural urge to grow has become a joke. Yet it is exactly Self Help that will attract the perception that Ms. Thunberg expects.

Help yourself to books that have bits of wisdom hidden in the stories, quotes, photos, poems. Help yourself to a retreat where you meet your pathway to eldership. Help yourself to the well-being and peace that nature effuses and where perception abounds.

It’s natural for children and adults to have elders in their lives. It’s not a given that you or I do the work to rise into elderness. I’m not about to tell Ms. Thunberg I’m not going to apply myself. Are you?

Rise up old man!

Be the elder you were born to be. Offer the next generation guidance and resilience. Hope and finesse.

Make Their Fulfillment Your Satisfaction

When their Fulfillment becomes your Satisfaction. That is one of the Magical Arts of Love.

H Heyerlein on Unsplash

Remember the Art of War where the local administration is in charge of the decisions which the army carries out for the benefits of the community to live in peace. ‘In Peace’ feels great for us personally. But it is the impact at the human level that this environment of peace permits the soul to do it’s work. The soul is childlike in its enthusiasm, it’s readiness to enhance the human experience; your life.

Participating in this enhancement of someone else, because you made their fulfillment your satisfaction, is a valid expression of love. See a previous post for a bit of background: https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/97

Part of the art of this love is understanding that the person we are supporting will shine. In part because of you.

Their shining for who and what they are and what they love to do is not a rejection of you. You are not being left behind. You are getting a glimpse of The New You of your spouse.

Designecologist on Unsplash

She loves you for support and feels you too want to rise into your The New You.

Soul Workout – 2

Your soul loves its job. Your soul loves being your soul.

Nine Kopfer on Unsplash

This is the Red section. For lack of eloquence it can be plainly stated your Soul wants routine. It wants you to get stuff done so there is a sense of realization that can then be repeated. In the same action you get satisfaction. Your Red Art is to seek experience that delivers soul realization and personal satisfaction.

Find a way to make your seeking repeatable. And fun, intriguing, fruitful, inspiring. Find a way to share – other than Facebook. What are the many things you want to learn as a result of seeking for your soul.

Understand your Magnetic Strip. Like the black strip on your credit card that identifies your resources. What is your magnetic strip? What resources do you have because of your soul? What resources do you provide your soul? Like higher emotional content that is you wanting something greater than you. That can be in family or business or community.

Another Day With Photosynthesis

Photo by Ed van duijn on Unsplash

It’s a beautiful day today. I don’t know about the weather where you are but here after the dawn rain the clouds are breaking up and the wind is gaining strength quickly. It’s a beautiful spring day. In leaps and bounds the bulbs are sprouting over night in an announcement of bright yellow, cozy little petals of purple and beds of Bluebells. Smell this year’s version of fresh, the release of the water in the soil gifting us mud. You can practically taste the minerals in the air. Now, all of this Earthly excitement reminded me of something.

A few months ago I posted about Photosynthesis. Yours. Here is the link right here.

https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/272

Let’s shine a little more light on this topic again.

Your photosynthesis is your magic. Your way. Your light (You’re light). Your sun.

Photo by Merle Sterner on Unsplash

How does your warmth loosen up the potential in others; so they want to grow and flourish and share? How do you transform raw materials into growth? Whether at work, with your spouse (in good times and in bad …), with your children. Could be a crisis, an opportunity, an idea, a mission, a problem, a conflict, teamwork, a life vision. It might be something that is not your responsibility or it actually is your time to step up in a new stage in life. Then again it could be how you find Fulfillment as a Woman or get Satisfaction as a Man that is a catalyst for others. What is it that you want that is so powerful that it can make simple ingredients into new life?

For a flower there may be pests, concrete, animals, humans helping or hindering, flood or drought and disease that challenge existence. Still they are able to struggle to germinate, sprout, grow and bloom with colour and fragrance. What does your plasma of possibility contain that you receive whatever conditions the situation presents and turn it into growth? That’s you. That’s your photosynthesis. Your ability to synthesize yesterday and today with tomorrow. Your creativity with the light, you shine into the hard to reach places and in difficult scenarios.

Your photosynthesis is you – clean and true and in the moment. Your Soul-powered-mind focused on making life possible in you and causing the same in those around you.

Habit, Routine and Ritual

Like a flower has roots, stem with leaves and the flower carrying seeds, our scale of Habit-Routine-Ritual is a structure for growth.

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Habits are the roots that connect us in daily life. Routines are the leaves that receive the light of today. Rituals are the flowers that are abundant with potential.

Habits are important because they are the foundation for growth. Routines are important because it is the stage that connects daily life with higher realms. Rituals are important because they are what makes us human. In your Rituals your human potential is enlivened by these higher powers. This higher source influences your sense of purpose thus creating the New You. The New You has greater clarity of vision and belief in human qualities that make their way into your habits and routines.

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This is the daily/devotional relationship that ends up being your personal religion. With active and true Habits, Routines and Rituals your personal religion will flow into your Rituals. Your Way will overflow into your routines and rain on your habits.

Unique U.

As a natural act of appreciation a Hamilton, Ontario radio station is asking listeners to call in with the first name of a front line worker (nurse, doctor, police) they want to say thank you to. ‘Sue, who is a paramedic from St. Catherines – thank you!’ Great initiative: simple and inclusive to recognize professionalism and dedication.

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In these times of global worry what can we do to participate in societal protection and our communal recovery?

Like me if you are not working in a hospital or related services it can feel helpless to be confined at home. Although staying home is of great service to your family and all of the communities you are a part of so we don’t get sick or get others sick, it can feel passive.

What else can I do to help?

Seek the best in others. Offer the best of yourself.

Living without many of our daily habits, having our routines compressed or put on hold can put us on edge. Maybe you are taking care of and educating children. We can be impatient. Frustrated. Out of our element. Being limited by new health based protocols and regulations, that are for our own well being, can reveal we have to find new ways to live. Can we find topics of conversation so we are not accumulating fear by only focusing on the virus?

Yes! Go back to school. Enrol in Unique University. Unique U. is where we learn more about ourselves, others, marriage, parent roles, stages in life. We can learn jokes, new recipes, some Yoga, paint a picture, plant a few veggies in starter pots. We could get better at singing or realize what we already knew – that we will never be a good singer:)

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

In the tutorials of Unique U. we are the student one moment and the teacher the next. Our emotions (daily / devotional) and human qualities are the curriculum. Seek the one-of-a-kind of each of us that can easily get lost in the rush and demands of daily life.

Offer to read out loud to someone an interesting few lines from a book and seek their perception about it. Seek to understand the ‘why’ of yesterday to offer better vision of the ‘how’ for tomorrow. Seek satisfaction for yourself to offer fulfillment to others.

This can help us update our beliefs about ourselves. Highlight that you are versatile, creative and resourceful. It can also remind us our family members are funny, quirky, spontaneous and caring.

The $12 Vacuum

Many a car’s mechanical problems can be related to how often you change the engine oil. The more often you change it the cleaner, the saying goes, it runs. Also it means the mechanic is rooting around under your hood to see or hear if something is wrong. Which not coincidentally generates more business for the garage. If in fact he finds something wrong then you are doing preventative maintenance which is almost always cheaper than repairs. Not only with cars but just about everything else.

Photo by Lukas ter Poorten on Unsplash

Take our vacuum for example. We bought it second hand because my wife’s experience is that you spend a $150 or usually more on a new vacuum and more likely than not it is giving you headaches within 6 months. Funny when I was growing up we had an emerald green Electrolux whose design was inspired by one of the characters in the canteen from the movie Star Wars. The thing lasted easily 15 years. Suction wasn’t great those last few years. That was still in the day of the vacuum bag that filled up and you had to toss. I think the whole thing was designed around selling vacuum bags because they weren’t very big and it was pretty awkward to empty them out and try and re-use.

Now our vacuum looks like son of Electrolux: turquoise with a mini body for the dirt receptacle. Nowadays we just empty out the dirt receptacle and keep going. And that is what the people who dropped it off at the donation centre where we bought it must have done because I fired it up and the smell as atrocious. A warm, old shoe bad smell filled our condo. Neither the previous guys nor the donation centre thought to clean the filter. Nor did I when I bought it:) So the filter got cleaned and boom the vacuum is awesome and is running to this day. I think it cost $12. No bags. No fuss.

I have seen the same thing happen with our sink, the fan above the stove, the drain in the shower: you have to clean out the filter to keep things running smoothly (and without a nasty smell.). The same applies to people. I remember in my early working days I didn’t have much money so I didn’t eat well. It didn’t help that I was single, living on my own with limited cooking experience. My home cooked food consisted of lots of toast and canned soup for dinner. Breakfast was a coffee and donut. Lunch would have included the occasional veggie. Whadaya know? I ended up in the clinic with an obstructed bowel. It was painful. Just knocked me out for a few days with no energy. No other symptoms. The doctor said I needed fibre which translates into leafy greens and colourful fruit. In other words I needed to unclog the drain or change the oil. I needed to clean my filter. Physically.

That has happened to me mentally as well. Where I need to learn a new concept about someone or something. As our two daughters get older I need to understand that I am not their only source of info and entertainment or decision making. I must realize they are moving through stages in life rapidly and I have to update myself at the same pace or risk making myself obsolete. It doesn’t mean letting them do everything they want and talking about every single meme they find on their phone. It just means be agile with my role as their dad.

With my wife I need to listen to her ever changing situation with menopause. I need to be confident in our connection and lovingly efficient in grasping where we are today. It’s not boring. I prefer it to a habitual life that is not challenging. I am not going to hold menopause against my wife – that would be stupid. There is no time or space to be acrimonious. I prefer to love and be loved. Loving the menopausal version of my wife means I need to have a good memory, want her to be healthy, be able to ride the roller coaster again and again without getting off. Woohoo!! Just be there for her. I am tall enough to ride that ride:)

I see it comes to updating what I want and what I believe. I want my wife to be happy. I believe our marriage is working. Some days it works like a Tesla model X – fast and curious. Other days it’s like a 1973 Westphalia camper van – lots of baggage and going pretty slow.

Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

Even Telsas have filters that need maintenance.

I find if I clean up the filter, be it the backlog of things my wife has asked me to do (throw out my good boxes cardboard goes I have piled up) or not to do (fall asleep on the couch) we do pretty well. Being in good physical shape and having some sense of your soul are other self tasks to keep things turning over.

When was the last time you cleaned your filter?

If You Have A Husband

Believe it or not, your husband loves you.

He may not say the words very often. He probably doesn’t think the thought ‘I love my wife’.

However he does love you. For a variety of reasons:

Because of you he is not lonely.

Because of you he has someone to love.

Because of you he is loved.

He is loved for his unique way and despite his defects.

Photo by Ramille Soares on Unsplash

He loves you because loving you keeps him connected to being a man of service, of having an intention every day and a purpose in the big picture. Even though he may lose sight of one or both of those as he engages each stage of life. Being disconnected from you, from a sense of service and purpose impacts the man you love to the marrow. Showing up as being irritable to feeling defeated.

He loves you because you grasp his struggle, how it affects him and how to companion him. You know his struggle is based not in the temporary disorientation he feels but in the knowing that he is authentic and wants to showcase that. Which he does through his confidence, humility and agility. Confidence to show you the man you married, humility before your marriage with an agility to embody the changes it petitions him to make.

Photo by marco barsotti on Unsplash

As you know he needs help expressing his love. Obviously as you know – violence, be it in words, physically, any abuse – is not love. We all know that. No excuses.

Your actual husband that you believe in and whose love you yearn for, seeks opportunities to make you happy. Creates experiences that say ‘I love you’ (He might even say it in words:).

So let’s find the man, highlight the gentleman – feel the love.