In 1980 Terry Fox ran a marathon a day on one leg as he made his way across half of Canada. In 143 days he did his one legged ‘hop of hope’ for 5,373 km. Terry was an athlete and he didn’t like being told by a disease how to ‘run’ his life. Terry used his athletic creativity to engage life according to his new reality. He used his mental focus to inspire a country. He found his purpose was to raise funds for cancer research. The Terry Fox Run takes place every September and continues to raise funds for research and awareness about realities of cancer. Awesome!
The Science of Satisfaction. Neurotransmitters generate dopamine and serotonin. This is the ‘what’ of Satisfaction.
The ‘how’ of Satisfaction is the colourful part. How you get your Satisfaction. Doing extra studying for the exam, researching multiple options for your market analysis report.
Our Purpose is the ‘why’ of our how.
So – find out why. That means to ask questions that reveal the inner core.
Ask questions that generate perception or connect to wisdom or germinate seeds of appreciation that grow towards the light of their Purpose.
Judging their ‘why’ without asking questions will not surprise you, help them or improve how you learn.
Questions that promote your willingness to learn, your humility and mental alacrity, your interest in their success and desire to nick some of their best techniques. For example:
‘So, if I want to integrate what you are saying into my life on a regular basis, what is the first step?’
‘From your experience, what is it that people used to get past their first big obstacle?’
‘I have no idea what that means to you: why is it important to you (as a woman)?’
The purpose of the couple next to you in the movie line-up, the guy selling you the popcorn – his manager – the manager’s dad – the manager’s dad’s dentist – the dentist’s dog’s veterinarian are all permeated from our cells outward with the same human stamp: To love and Be Loved. A sincere need and want to be the receiver of someone else’s need to love and to, in return, have the opportunity, perhaps the honour, to love them back. Granted after 19 years of marriage and many thoughts of divorce and one conversation about it there may be some difficulty in finding the honour part of loving your wife and continuing to love her. In fact you may be surprised she still loves you. You know she does but you don’t know in what way. Why does my wife love me now, still, in the first place?
The Urge to Love and be Loved is, in truth, not a sexual urge. The sexual urge exists and it is wise to know it’s not incumbent in love. Sex is not bad. Nor is power or guns or money. It’s what we as a group do with them.
The Urge to Love and Be Loved is the push in us to create community. A community of 2 (a couple/marriage), a community of 3 (family), a community of 6 is a hockey team, a community of 5 is you and four friends on Thursday poker night, a community of sixteen is the local choir. There is the dog walking community, the community of coders, watercolour painters, hackers, bio-hackers, cousins, baseball card collectors, Game of Thrones fans… Many of those communities are now online in Facebook groups so without ever meeting you still feel a sense of community.
Let’s Remember You are a member in full standing, regardless of your history, in the global group of people who, whether they admit it or not, want to love and be loved.
It is a soul community; if you have a soul you are welcome in this community. This simple yet powerful urge can do a lot of the work for you when it comes to finding a partner, making a sale, saying sorry to your wife. A man naturally wants to be of service to his community.
This sense of service can get usurped by fear based decision making. FOMO – fear of missing out. Of not appreciating the community you are in or not doing the work to find your community. FOMO is thinking that there is an opportunity for loving and being loved that is happening and we are missing it. And the people who participate will feel more loved and feel more loving and have stronger bonds of love as a result. They will likely use different language that makes them look cool and autonomous but that is what is happening. Avoid FOMO. Participating in FOMO means you don’t love what you are doing, who you are with and the person that molds you into. It means you’re not responsible for your own emotions. It can mean you can hit somebody because you can insist on being immature and blame the person you just hit because they believed in you as a man.
There is no denying we all need the help and wisdom of other people en route to our Satisfaction. The question is who has the reins of the definition of your Satisfaction? Who is in charge of the resultant decision making to make our Satisfaction a reality?
Mind Sprouts – Satisfaction is a mosaic of efforts, help, failure, belief, ideas, visions, synthesis.
Each of us has our unique version of the Immortal Human Qualities that we use to extract Satisfaction in daily life. We want meaning. We need significance. We thrive on purpose.
Injecting human qualities into daily life is a giving action to others but like those points cards at the supermarket – even when you give out you get something in return.
Immortal Human Qualities include but are not limited to: listening, warmth, patience, finding the positive, finding the possible, _________________, ___________________, …
Whereas – Judging others with our assumptions is making them into something they aren’t. It is manufacturing a fake. A fake is a lie. A lie blocks out the light. Purpose brings light. Purpose liberates your natural abilities of resourcefulness. Purpose is the mother of all Satisfaction.
Ambition to succeed is not curtailed by the sense of Satisfaction. It is the opposite. The more Satisfaction you experience the more you know what you want and how to get it. Satisfaction is not settling for something lesser. Unless you have no purpose. Purpose urges you to make decisions, haunts you to take action, petitions you to ask for help, encourages you to share, directs your energy, focuses your thoughts, causes you to envision something new and different and bright.
Like Terry Fox crossing Canada men cross the mid life period of their life. Canada is vast, beautiful, rugged and it would take a lot of energy and drive to run across it day after day. Terry must have questioned what he was doing and wondered how to keep going on that long, long road. Likewise men need drive to push through this middle age. This time in life might seem to others innocuous from the outside because you see he (husband, son, father, brother, friend) has his work, family, friends, hobbies. At the same time there is an undercurrent of power that is prompting him, urging him, nagging him, calling him. Like the nature of the land of Canada is vibrant and clean so too there is a power that accompanies men. It’s vibrant. It’s natural. It’s potent. When a man is able to direct this vibrancy like Terry focused his energy, he gets success and peace and perception.
When this man power seems to slip through his fingers he gets frustrated and impatient, depressed or angry. Men need companionship that knows how to comfort and challenge them at the right time. Men need understanding from outside and from within. Men need to understand living through a feeling of vulnerable, weird and not knowing does not mean he is weak or bad or not masculine. It means he is alive confronting life and synthesizing it like no one else can with his insight and sense of humour, using his emotional agility and his care.
This man experience can feel like an endless, difficult journey to traverse from 40 to 60 years old for: a man with little direction; a man who lacks a guide; a guy who hasn’t learned how to elevate his life into the devotional realms that can bring him peace, perception and direction.
But, We will not be victims! We have the resources we need. To cross the wide spaces in order to make connection. To elevate from our daily emotion into our Devotional self, even for just a bit, to dwell in our sense of purpose. And then apply it back into daily life to improve ourselves and the life around us.
Call To Action – We receive energy every moment of every day – so – give it a direction, routine, make it want to participate in your rituals. [If you have time take a look at another Wild Coach post:
Make yourself into a good investment of human energy, whether that be an investment from a higher power you connect with, the planet that hosts you or from your family and colleagues.
At any point or level, purpose can become unclear, remain elusive or get lost in the details. So instead of waiting for someone to impose their Satisfaction, or for us to ride on the coattails of their epiphany of life purpose, we can go and get it for ourselves.
Ask – What do you want? Your Answer ….
Ask – What gives you Satisfaction? Your Answer …..
What do you need to get what you want? What do you need to provide a Satisfied husband to your wife?
Your purpose is full of satisfactions. Some are fast – like cooking a meal at home. Some Satisfactions are slow – like growing a business. And some Satisfactions are incredible – like having a family.
The 5P Process is a reliable, self orienting method for developing your purpose to be multi-dimensional. One dimension is that your pursuit of your purpose accomplishes many things with one action. For example by repeatedly looking for ways to get better at your communication you share lots of energy and interesting ideas with others. Thus making possible clear connection with others; inclusion of others; understanding.
Simply the 5P are: The Point; The Practice; The Principle; Your Passion; What do you make Possible.
The Point – What do you want? Be Specific
The Practice – What are you going to do about it? Keep it simple.
The Principle – What The Practice upholds.
Your Passion – The Power that Transforms your emotion from Daily to Devotional.
What Do You Make Possible? – What do your decisions, actions, beliefs and emotions create.