Is that a thing?
Arranged marriages basically amount to that. Agreeing on a price for someone’s son and someone else’s daughter to enter into marriage through a portal not called love.
In this short article we are not going to get into that topic but rather mention a few words about marriage where you and your spouse are offering your spousal services to each other. And further still that each person actually buys into the fact that they are in that marriage, for worse and for better.
Marriage: it gives more than it takes, if you give it time and buy into your marriage. It’s a barter arrangement: I will offer you my husband services and in exchange I accept your wife services. If both people feel they are getting pretty good value in return for what they think their services are worth then you have a functioning marriage. Simple in theory. A whole different story in reality.
Being on the same page, at the same time, as your spouse is key. You don’t have to agree. In fact you learn a lot when you are arguing about the same page be that money or cleaning or children. (Please take a look at my posts on The Female Frixion as another key to understanding how others are thinking differently about that same page.)
Marriage gives more than it takes, but it takes a lot.
If you are not giving and taking then what are you doing?
Photo by Alex Blăjan on Unsplash
Marriage Math = not being lonely / (divided by) loving and being loved.
Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash
Marriage should provide comfort, that is part of its nature. It is not, however, a Communal Comfort Zone where we hide together to avoid each other; resisting challenge, and or growth, or listening, not asking important questions, not demanding a response that upholds a respecting marriage.
Marriage is a platform where we share responsibilities and satisfactions, vision and fears, love and being loved. When the foundation of this platform is eaten away by lack of self-confidence in himself, a confidence she is naturally expecting, then it impacts the sharing and the feelings. This falls into blame and lack of forgiveness punctuating our thoughts and conversations.
Life is constantly a kaleidoscope of rolling life stages, stages of marriage, of satisfaction and urges to grow. If these overwhelm us then we fall behind, feel unappreciated for our uniqueness as a man who needs to be needed and understood and respected. To avoid the man lashing out because he has these valid emotions that can lead to completely invalid violence, he needs to be in charge of his Satisfaction.
The 3 For 1 Approach is great to generate Satisfaction in a man.
The 3 ‘fors’ are: Forgive, Fortake and Foretell.
Forgive means to understand what is important and make that your focus. It means to understand yourself and others so the anger can whither. It means using the experience as a resource to grow and avoid the troughs of low emotion where bitterness festers. It helps you be receptive to the moment of possibilities as opposed to funnelling your energy into fear and criticism.
Fortake is you taking responsibility for your Daily and Devotional Emotions. Who knows what that will mean in 5 minutes or for the rest of your life. It means blaming others for how you feel is not your modus operandi.
Foretell is using your innate ability to focus your energy on where you want to grow. This can be applied to your Daily Emotion of what you want in your career and family. It also applies to your Devotion Emotion you can use to respond to the religious urge that you receive in odd moments when you ‘feel good, but there is something else, waiting or calling or prompting’. Many times we respond to this weird urge/sensation with what we know about business or other opinions. If we could wait and let ourselves not know without it making us uncomfortable we can help foster our religious life response – and develop another, elevated avenue to Satisfaction. This is you the visionary, rising above distraction to engage in perception about what you want and what you want to become.
Use the 3 For 1 Approach to offer a Satisfied Man to your spouse.