For those who don’t know that’s what you do before you nup.
So don’t go nupping until you have pre-nupped.
Then you can nup. Nuptialize yourself. And for the brave, you can post nup.
That’s called Marriage.
The thing about Marriage is a guy can think he has one source of wisdom for how to marry his wife: himself. That’s stupid. He is not stupid but he needs help. He is not alone.
You Are Not Alone. For a few more ideas to generate understanding of each other please see my blog post: https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/534
Your marriage is yours. Still there is a beautiful solidarity that we men can provide each other when each one of us can connect with ‘My Best Ego’. Based in ‘My Best Ego’ you exhibit self responsibility. Your challenge, a fabulous spur to boost you into the New You is to: find something that gives Satisfaction to the part of a man that loves to support a woman. When you find that something – put it into your habits, routines and rituals. Find its friends.
Talking about love and support … It was a hot, sunny December day in Zihuatanejo, Guerrero, Mexico. A good day to get married if ever there was one. So I did. To my wife of all people.
We are still married. Still nupping. Sometimes to my disbelief. To my eternal benefit.
Before you go nupping with the love of your life it is a good idea to go in prepared with your eyes wide open. They might be wide open but glazed over with smittiness. Or you can get married with awareness that this is your life. Your Romantic Life/Role in your life is so important. Listen to it, respond to it and do not be a slave to it. Those who are slaves to their Romantic Roles in life often become bimbos, if they are lucky, abused if they aren’t.
So as you enter into a new stage in life and take on new roles as a woman/wife or man/husband you can agree on going to a lawyer to sign a draft prenuptial agreement to keep things clear from the beginning and separate from the emotions. Love today – lose tomorrow.
Feel free to consult a family lawyer to imprint your prenuptial contract with the concerns as future spouses avoiding the nastiness of an immature divorce .
Feel free and empowered to consult your soul to remind you what you Seek and Offer in your relationship. That relationship that you assume is based on loving your spouse and being loved in return. Each person loves the other for their insistence on it being true to themselves – that’s how we participate.
How do you Participate? Legally? Or Soulfully. A little bit of both … Insisting? true? Free? Seeking a Relationship? Offering Soul (whatever that is).
The Soul Agreement might, at first glance, seem like it is with your spouse, when in fact it is internal. With oneself. It is an agreement to Seek and Offer. Not just to Seek what you look for in a person. Not only to Offer what you have always offered.
You won’t just Seek a girlfriend, any girlfriend just because they listen to your mumbo jumbo will you?
In the Soul Agreement you Seek a confirmation that you are loved. You Seek an opportunity to love someone else.
Seek is the operative word. You really, really want this. You need this. As a woman, as a man. You aren’t browsing, like in a bookstore, in case you come across something that tickles your fancy. You know what you want and you are intrigued to find out who has it and what is their unique expression of it. Their expression of a good sense of humour, creativity, support, appreciation, determination.
In your own internal prenup what in the world are you going to Offer?
Let’s Remember There is no ‘counting-the-cost’ here. You Offer because you want to. It is not conditional. Except of course the universal condition on all relationships: the insistence on human dignity and personal standards. Meaning there is no violence or abuse. Physical, emotional or otherwise. No if – then threats hanging over your head that impede your instinct. Something like – “If you don’t do what I say then there are going to be some serious repercussions!!” No.
In a phrase, we offer to love and be loved. This can be seen to be encapsulated in his marriage vows. In this case it is an if – then promise: ‘If you marry me then I promise to respond to you, an evolving, enriching woman, by being ready and willing to update my husband response as petitioned by you or my instinct.’
Sew that seed of promise at the start of your marriage so that seven years later, when you are having another one of those difficult post nup days (that we seem to attract in certain phases) you have pre-programmed your Belief in: you, your spouse, marriage itself, your marriage. Harvest the intention of those marriage vows.
To resolve whatever was the issue of the moment in a relationship you have an ally always in waiting: My Best Ego. We all need an ego to some degree to keep ourselves intact in daily life. This helps us strive to grow, regroup after a mistake, be proud of our accomplishments, share life experience, ask for and offer help. What happens is that our Ego can get out of control. And it gets addicted to blocking the light of day from the rest of our inner lives plus the Ego and emotions of those around you.
My Best Ego elevates your Ego – for positive results that can be shared. Shared not only on Instagram but in conversation for the benefit of you and someone else; spouse or colleague or sibling or neighbour. Use My Best Ego to Seek in your spouse her My Best Ego. To Seek with anything less delivers dollar store quality results: in the moment it suffices but you may find yourself repeating the same arguments all over again quite soon. As a result you have learned little about the person you are married to and become the punching bag for their lack of emotional development.
Your Ego is based on how you feel about how you feel.
My Best Ego generates opportunities for Fulfillment and Satisfaction that can be shared.
My Best Ego is you improving your fluency in human qualities of: persistence, Belief, patience, resilience, resourcefulness, forgiveness, optimism and maintaining standards.
The Fabulous work by Gail Sheehy in all things relationship. Written in 1998 it illustrates that wisdom stands the test of time and applies equally among gender and race. https://www.amazon.ca/Understanding-Mens-Passages-Discovering-Lives/dp/0345406907
You as a woman want to be loved in a way that says you are uniquely special. You know your dedication to your marriage/family is powered by your desire to love fully, naturally, confidently and your instinct will be supported by your spouse.