Seek something to love in the other person and Offer them something to love.
Make the higher more important than the lower – as a first step look for solidarity-in- love with others.If they can’t locate their higher self then be their external resource for them to generate self love. Think about it – now – and again.
Ego love.Love the service that your ego provides to your higher development life.The ego level of you needs approval and attention to be included and feel important.So you seek people that give you all those things.But not at the expense of your ability to grow. Remember Your Best Ego is the foundation for your Higher Soul.
Angry young men are justified in being angry because they have no real rites of passage that help them mark stages in life while grasping their significance.
I remember at my confirmation the crusty, guest priest went up and down the first 2 pews in the church asking each person being confirmed what their chosen name was. Mine was Peter. The name meant nothing to me really.
Another guy had chosen Michael so the priest made some comment on the meaning of that name.
We were about 30 people to be confrmed. I think all of us were around 13 years old except for a few adults The adults chose to be there. I felt no impending transformation or need to give myself a different name. The name identifies the new you that confirms the belief in God your parents claimed at your baptism. Yet I have never used the additional name and it embodies nothing for me.
When a coming of age ceremony is conducted by someone with dignity there is a transference of the truth based struggle for self – awareness to the participants. The concept of taking on a new name is so it is an anchor for this peak moment of nervous inspiration and cellular refinement. This new name carries the authenticity of life so far combined with the courage and skills that we engage through our transformation.
Generally we have starved our sensibilities to the planet and the journey of human development. As a result the point of rites of passage is lost on most of us.
A man might project confidence, indifference or toughness but in many cases he is not in sync with the role of his soul. The soul is the bridge from child to youth, from youth to adult, from adult to elder. Each of these involves a transformation of you that is witnessed and celebrated. Witnessing allows the man to know that he is supported while he may feel lost or not know which direction to point his daily decisions. Those who support our young men know he must grow as a capable man that finds solutions not excuses. That seeks insights not openings to ridicule. That wants companionship not violence.
Just because he is angry does not justify violence against women. And just because he is lost and can’t find a good guide or mentor doesn’t justify violence against women.
Rather, his transformation into an emotionally agile man is to be celebrated so people can sense he is a unique expression of manhood and tribe.
Rites of passage can be simple. They can be ancient poems or spontaneous encouragements as long as the sentiment is to locate and appreciate the young man in the hyper–now of his life.
Rites of passage can be with just one witness or a ceremony followed by a big party.
Young men can have a conversation at 7:30 on a Tuesday with a man about life, about women and making love, about expressing the urge to love-and-be -loved, about personal religion, about posture and martial arts and The Art of War and oration and humility, about dancing, about making money and doing business and a good sense of humour, about nature spirits and healing and self respect. Any combination of those important topics can do the job of bridging the adolescent into the next stage. We as a tribe need to create these rites of life stage change. Or just connect the ceremonies we already have with a human development journey.
How young men end up being angry young men and sometimes violent even though they don’t want to be.
It turns out a friend from elementary school, his dad dies when he was 9 years old.My friend drank himself to death at 52 years old.Great guy.We actually ended up going to the same university by coincidence and rekindling a friendship. Increasingly as life progressed he couldn’t get a grasp on his abilities nor find guidance from family or any version of therapy. He had little self appreciation or understanding so likely didn’t have a foundation for understanding and growing with others:(
A man by design is an authentic, brave, believing expression of the man version of human.
Alas, what you meet on the street or get into an elevator with is likely an insecure jumble of random goals, half baked intentions and unrealistic self-help affirmations.
Regardless of his facade many a man is a cocktail of doubt and aggression. In many of us men this translates into very little self-confidence that inhibits access to our natural emotional agility to be able to listen.We can listen.We listen as a means to deliver satisfaction to ourselves and those in our life.Satisfaction here to mean logical and unadorned understanding whereas Fulfillment is feelings filled realization.
In marriage, friendship and business, without self-respect, if you want Satisfaction and the other person seeks Fulfillment, you invent conflicts that didn’t exist a second ago.
Men are great at one thing: being men. The Art of Being a Man is doing that one thing to get many results.Like going to work pays you money but also brings you satisfaction, admiration from your family, peace for spouse/children and life education for challenges ahead.
Society’s education of young men about the intricacies of men and women is lacking to the point of being harmful.Therefore the level of man in the world today is low when compared to our abilities and innate sentiments.
Now because women naturally use different mental avenues in conversation they often arrive at certain insights before a man does.Women might assume that men will, and should, have complimentary insights.Or at least be in agreement.
Our history of interpersonal conflict illustrates that men don’t work like that. Here is a way to think about what drives a women and men. Women are seeking Fulfillment in what they do and say; men want Satisfaction. See the definition above or my previous blog: https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/519
We can create a new narrative for men.A story that each man can tell himself, his spouse, his god, his neighbour.Because it is a story where life radiates meaning through daily intentions.These intentions raise the quality of life: For men in terms of recognizing and sharing their authenticity:For their community by accompanying others in their respective stages in life: For their soul by insisting on applying their personal abilities in service to something greater than themselves.
A man connected to his natural spontaneity, vision and get-up-and-go will have put himself in the position to observe his similarities with women in their desire to grow while appreciating the differences in their expressions.