the Angry young Men Series – 5 – Men Don’t Understand Women

How young men end up being angry young men and sometimes violent even though they don’t want to be.

It turns out a friend from elementary school, his dad dies when he was 9 years old.  My friend drank himself to death at 52 years old.  Great guy.  We actually ended up going to the same university by coincidence and rekindling a friendship. Increasingly as life progressed he couldn’t get a grasp on his abilities nor find guidance from family or any version of therapy.  He had little self appreciation or understanding so likely didn’t have a foundation for understanding and growing with others:(

A man by design is an authentic, brave, believing expression of the man version of human.

Photo by Ali Kazal on Unsplash

Alas, what you meet on the street or get into an elevator with is likely an insecure jumble of random goals, half baked intentions and unrealistic self-help affirmations.

Regardless of his facade many a man is a cocktail of doubt and aggression. In many of us men this translates into very little self-confidence that inhibits access to our natural emotional agility to be able to listen.  We can listen.  We listen as a means to deliver satisfaction to ourselves and those in our life.  Satisfaction here to mean logical and unadorned understanding whereas Fulfillment is feelings filled realization.

In marriage, friendship and business, without self-respect, if you want Satisfaction and the other person seeks Fulfillment, you invent conflicts that didn’t exist a second ago.

Men are great at one thing: being men.   The Art of Being a Man is doing that one thing to get many results.  Like going to work pays you money but also brings you satisfaction, admiration from your family, peace for spouse/children and life education for challenges ahead.

Society’s education of young men about the intricacies of men and women is lacking to the point of being harmful.  Therefore the level of man in the world today is low when compared to our abilities and innate sentiments.

Now because women naturally use different mental avenues in conversation they often arrive at certain insights before a man does.  Women might assume that men will, and should, have complimentary insights.  Or at least be in agreement.

Our history of interpersonal conflict illustrates that men don’t work like that.    Here is a way to think about what drives a women and men. Women are seeking Fulfillment in what they do and say; men want Satisfaction. See the definition above or my previous blog:

Photo by Joel Mott on Unsplash

We can create a new narrative for men.  A story that each man can tell himself, his spouse, his god, his neighbour.  Because it is a story where life radiates meaning through daily intentions.  These intentions raise the quality of life: For men in terms of recognizing and sharing their authenticity:  For their community by accompanying others in their respective stages in life:   For their soul by insisting on applying their personal abilities in service to something greater than themselves.

A man connected to his natural spontaneity, vision and get-up-and-go will have put himself in the position to observe his similarities with women in their desire to grow while appreciating the differences in their expressions.

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