What is True because of You -3 – Find A Way

Finding a way to improve my intention is a priority

Vacuums are frustrating. Especially if you don’t like to clean. And aren’t mechanically inclined.

And hate to admitting you are cheap.

The industrial vacuums can do a good job and last a while if taken care of. Even though they too have designed obsolescence (of about 1 year of regular use) and cheap plastic parts, most brands are reliable. But one of those would be way too bulky for my pint size condo.

Then my wife’s asking why spend $300 on a new vacuum that might give you 2 years service when a used one can do the same thing for $10. This time I agree with my wife.

So we bring home the new-to-us vacuum and fire it up as we didn’t test it in the second hand store. It is a plastic, black and turquoise creation that would make a decent R2 unit on StarWars. It starts fine and vacuums well enough but there is a stench.

Being the local fixer I drop a little Essential oil on the foam air filter and Bam – no smell! For 2 minutes.

Then back to the cheesy foot smell.

Upon further investigation it becomes clear nobody- the person who donated it, the store who checked if it worked and sold it nor the customer (me:)) had cleaned the filter. It was dirty. It was packed. With gunk and other people’s dirty stuff. And once clean it worked perfectly:)

To get the most out of life keep your filter clean so the experience you have is the true, best experience in the moment.

Dirty filters mean although our eyes and ears are open, we hear how the situation impacts us as opposed to what is actually happening.

Dirty filters mean going through the motions. Dirty filters means repeating the same mistakes.

A clean filter is refreshing and is forgiveness. A clean filter is living in the moment. A clean filter is liberating your instinct. A clean filter is you when you answer your devotional life by seeking higher perception.

This higher education we can submit into daily life to improve it for ourselves, for community, tribe, for those future people who struggle with engaging humanity.

Submit it through a beautiful range of ways including: telling jokes, telling stories, inventing ceremonies, exuding love of your higher self, respect of what is foreign to you, loving and being loved.

What Is True Because Of You – 2 – Standards Are Important

Kurt Vonnegut advised to ‘Start as close as close to the end as possible’.

The American writer had 8 Rules For Writing. Gems of guidance for creating an interesting story. The above is #5.

Kurt Vonnegut’s 8 Rules for Writing

Vonnegut’s writing put humanity on display – and it often wasn’t pretty.

Perhaps he was lazy. The closer you start to the end – the shorter the journey so the less you need to write. Perhaps starting close to the end is a story design method so the writer stays true to the intention of the story.

Each conversation is a story. Even if that conversation in a dark 30 seconds on a downtown street is between strangers, full of swearing, worrisome and in full public view. What happened was this big and tall guy darted in front of two walking women (mother and daughter) and ‘BOO!!’ he yells out of nowhere. The daughter screams back; her mother said don’t. Daughter pursued him down the sidewalk to share her fright but he wasn’t interested. He already got what he wanted and wasn’t about to listen. His sudden scare manoeuvre works to steal some good energy. In this case: Female energy; high potency anger energy; the beautiful energy of being the focus of the ‘conversation’. All of this makes him feel important and makes up for a lack of relationship in his life.

Dirty business tactics on his part. The business of energy management –

we are all in the same business of energy: give and take, diminish and elevate.

The big, tall guy on the dark, downtown street was using guerrilla tactics. And he started quite close to the end of the intention of his story – which was to steal good energy. It only took him seconds. End of story. For him.

Does that mean he is good at what he does; steal? Or that he has no art? No energy art.

What about the others in the conversation?

Still recovering from the disturbing encounter the mother was coaching her adult daughter as they resumed their journey. The residue on the daughter from the experience is anger. Next time ‘listen to your mother’.

And if her mother isn’t there next time then the daughter would do well to activate her strength of resistance. Meaning make the continuance of her life ( like the walking conversation with her mother) more important than a grown man who is blind to his own value (due to self esteem or illness).

Resist the low. Adhere to the high. You are important. Standards are important.

So, tonight when you lay your head down – wonder – ‘what is true because of you?’

What do you want to be true because of you? This is like Vonnegut telling his students to start as close to the end as possible. If you have a good day what is the energetic residue? If you have a bad day, what is the energetic residue? If you are alone? If you are accompanied?

Close your eyes and know:

Because of you there is a marriage with a sense of loving and being loved;

Because of you a woman has no fear of violence in her marriage.

Because of you a colleague knows they are valued.

Because of you nature spirits flourish.

Because of you …

Life will jump in front of you and scream ‘BOO!’ now and again. When it does, resist the low. Maintain your standards that seek the good.

What Is True Because Of You – 1 – Intention: Make it happen

Intention – what do I want to cause?

I was 14 and my friend’s dad was dropping us off at 2 week summer camp when I heard the news on the radio.

Terry Fox has died.

He didn’t cross Canada like he wanted to. He made it halfway – a few thousand kilometres. On one real and one unreal leg.

The point was to raise money for cancer research.

Now 40 years later there are annual Terry Fox runs all over the world raising money, funding research, increasing awareness and strengthening community.

All of this is true because of Terry’s intention to run across Canada.

Awesome.

There is a tensile, human strength in maintaining your intention while you make it happen. Realization of your intention may easily unravel before you in the moment. For most of us it requires we stick with it over many years. That is so valuable in this Twitter age.

The benefits of persistence- staying focused on the objective – are transferable to the next challenge. And are shareable with colleagues and children and spouse.

So …

Put it out there.

Share it.

Feed it.

Ask yourself ‘what do I want to cause?’

Make it happen.

Angry Young Men Series – 8 – They Can’t Find An Elder

Elders are old.

Elders are wise.

Elders are slow. Slow walkers. Slow dancers. Slow drivers. Not slow at understanding. Not slow at knowing how to use a very few words to connect young people to the truth of the way forward.

I have no idea how my grandfather did it but he nailed it with his nick names for his grandchildren. Names like ‘ol’ stick in the mud ‘or ‘money bags’. When it came to me and my nick name I think he was bang on: absent-minded professor. The absent-minded part I have down pat. The professor part not so much.

We, each of us, man or woman, will never make it to the role of elder if we take each stage of life personally.

We need to rise above our individual, daily now and see how to participate in the higher, group story. There is no Eldership Certificate. There are no specific qualifications required. Except you have to care enough not to care. Meaning care enough about the process of young men going from one stage of life to the next so that you don’t care what you have to do or say.

Young men need direction. Young men need a reason why to get an education or training for professional life.

Young men are screaming for someone to explain how the levels of energy work so that when they get angry they don’t hit a women.

Just like the levels of energy, with stages in life one leads to the next. With life you don’t have to do any learning to get older. The next stage of life comes because you keep breathing. We all grasp the opportunity and experience of each level according to our psychology and vision up to that point. But to elevate in the realms of energy we have to practice. Practice means maintaining standards. In daily life this means not taking things personally in the moment so you can find a solution to the problem instead of fighting. That is how you grow as a man and build a relationship with your spouse.

In the moment it isn’t easy. In the moment it is too late to want to grow. That’s where the elder wisdom comes in because they have lived the good and the bad so they can share with credibility the importance of growing today for the challenges of tomorrow.

Where are these elders who know how to grow? And who understand the finesse required to manage the non-stop power of sexual energy? Who tells the stories of the various arts,skills and insights involved in pursuing a personal religion?

You are urgently wanted and obviously needed as a resource to be listened to and ask questions. We the previous generations are being called by the next generation to accept the role of elder. So young men can put down the beer, put down their fist or even a gun and pick up their phone – to make the call.

The Angry young Men Series – 10 – The Female Instinct is Not Respected

Young men are angry young men because they have no idea about the the mechanics of the female instinct. How it works, why and what to do about it.

Your mother was right.

Your mother is right.

Because she is your mother ? Yes.

Because she is a mother? Yes.

Because she is a woman? Yes.

Because she is smart and successful and fashionable and in a loving relationship, creative and spontaneous and hilarious, sociable and admired?

Well, I don’t know your mother. Still I hope she embodies many of these qualities listed above. Any combination of these traits would help to generate ongoing satisfaction and fulfillment for her and those in her life.

The amazing challenge of motherhood tugs on the ancient history of care that have kept us alive for millennia. Many a young mother is overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility that their tiny bundle of joy represents. They have no idea what to do or what their infant needs.

Yet with the guidance of experienced mothers, a new mother can grasp the thread of maternal wisdom and connect with the natural intuition of motherhood.

Paolo Bendandi on Unsplash

Under the influence of this connection a woman finds a kaleidoscopic fountain of love powering an agility of ability to be the source of happiness and health for her child.

The instinct lives in the core of the moment. And we are invited every moment to accompany the instinct; to get instinctual. The instinct has enough potency and range to radiate beyond the core. Whether at the core or in the ripple effect of the instinct, it’s message is always valid, true and available. So it is up to our discipline and desire to follow it, trust it as opposed to second guessing.

So where we sit now is that men are alienated from their instinct? Their sensitivities have been institutionally diminished and tuned to sex, money, and lame ‘man caving’ habits.

As a result when a woman, married or not, a mother or not, professional or not insists on adhering to the connection with her instinct – men balk! Men don’t get it. But they do get angry. And violent.

Why? He pleads.

Explain it to me! He yells.

What am I missing?! He demands exasperated.

Damn good questions.

Man! You are missing a connection with your instinct. Make that connection and you can have a shared understanding of the situation with your spouse.

The learning is that women and men will maintain their connection with their instinct using complimentary techniques. Women through the management of the three aspects of The Female Friction.

Men will do it by elevating their various expressions of the famous man cave.

The Angry Young Men Series – 9 – Their Youth and Future

Angry young men are angry because their youth and future have been tarnished by lack of vision

by weak elders who know fear, greed, recklessness with respect to the planet and a paucity of Belief in a man.

Young men will hit each other including the closest loved one within striking distance.

Be it their mother or sister, girlfriend or wife.

Because they can’t handle life right now, in the moment. Life can get to be too much of not having enough. Too much of not being enough. It’s frustrating. It’s demoralizing. So It takes balls to not succumb to the forces of diminishment – and to want discover want kind of man you are – when the people in charge of the world have run it into the ground.

Thank God a new story is being written by elders-in-training who are:

Forgiving and then immediately use that conversation to take the reins of their emotions to support their mission;

Doing the personal development work to understand the many currents of daily and devotional life;

Elevating the conversations about intricacies and complications of the intertwining of relationships with life stages;

Insisting we appreciate that the planet unto herself is on a development journey called evolution.

And that all of these are powered by potent, far reaching forces. Forces that are received,

translated and shared when we refine and simplify our needs and rituals to ‘love and be loved’.

The Angry Young Men Series – 7 – Satisfaction and Fulfillment have been usurped by Blame and Guilt.

Angry young men might have a valid argument for having anger issues.

Our golden retriever wasn’t very happy that my wife and I only took her on the short route for her evening walk. It was a chilly and windy December evening with the dusk fading rapidly. Returning home from the walk we turn left out of the elevator and our noses catch the smell of warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that flavours the condo hallway air.

Once in our kitchen I gulp down two still- soft cookie creations. A Gooey, messy, tasty sugar rush.

My daughter is now watching a movie, having made the cookies and feeling fulfilled at accomplishing the task she set out to bake. In relation to the same event I am in the kitchen breathing the deep breaths of satisfaction, having been cookied.

Meanwhile my wife is savouring a sense of various fulfillments. She was connecting with her husband on the evening walk thus responding to the urge of her romantic(and now married) life. Arriving home to a proactive daughter she fills with pride that cannot be measured yet that is vital to her sense motherhood.

All of this after a day of the demands and successes of a full day of work.

We are all responsible for seeking Satisfaction and Fulfillment in our lives. As children we receive the guidance of parents and teachers.

The gradual acceptance of responsibility for our words and actions is part of engaging adulthood.

If we can engage this next step in life with confidence, curiosity and healthy coping mechanisms then we will find satisfaction with a positive outlook.

If we aren’t ready to manoeuvre in the adult realms then we can feel overwhelmed and look to relieve ourselves of the weight of responsibility. An effective technique for getting that relief is blame. Blaming others. Reacting unconsciously because we haven’t decided to grow into My Best Ego. So we make someone else the creator of our reality. We convince ourselves there is almost no possibility we could have had control of the circumstances that brought us here.

Young men need to be able to watch adults manage life with agility. Meaning a challenge is what happens when you grow. Challenges don’t make us feel dumb or frustrated. The challenge is not the one we encounter on the road of growth – outside of ourselves. The actual challenge is how we react and deal with the situation.

Do we frame the challenge as a nuisance to pushed to the side ? And as a result do the minimum? Or do we apply belief in our abilities thus converting the same challenge into a springboard for growth?

Seeing the challenge as an external hassle means we are giving the pen that writes our life story to someone else.

However the challenge is actually a light that we can shine on our own qualities. To ensure we are grasping that same pen to decide the lines of our own life story.

So …

Grab the pen. Write your story.

Believe: in yourself, in your style of man, your kind of confidence, your version of strong, your adaptation of resourceful, your insight about elevating the expression of man.

Speak up about what you want. Speak out about what you feel.

Nurture your vision for tomorrow and Seek its Satisfaction. Offer to others a young man who knows what it takes to uphold a positive outlook even if the situation isn’t fair.

Lable yourself = love and be loved

LABLE

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Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Love and be loved = Lable

Seek something to love in the other person and Offer them something to love.

Make the higher more important than the lower – as a first step look for solidarity-in- love with others. If they can’t locate their higher self then be their external resource for them to generate self love. Think about it – now – and again.

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Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

Ego love. Love the service that your ego provides to your higher development life. The ego level of you needs approval and attention to be included and feel important. So you seek people that give you all those things. But not at the expense of your ability to grow. Remember My Best Ego is the foundation for your Higher Soul.

The Angry Young Men Series – 6 -They Have No Real Rites Of Passage

Angry young men are justified in being angry because they have no real rites of passage that help them mark stages in life while grasping their significance.

I remember at my confirmation the crusty, guest priest went up and down the first 2 pews in the church asking each person being confirmed what their chosen name was. Mine was Peter. The name meant nothing to me really.

Another guy had chosen Michael so the priest made some comment on the meaning of that name.

We were about 30 people to be confrmed. I think all of us were around 13 years old except for a few adults The adults chose to be there. I felt no impending transformation or need to give myself a different name. The name identifies the new you that confirms the belief in God your parents claimed at your baptism. Yet I have never used the additional name and it embodies nothing for me.

When a coming of age ceremony is conducted by someone with dignity there is a transference of the truth based struggle for self – awareness to the participants. The concept of taking on a new name is so it is an anchor for this peak moment of nervous inspiration and cellular refinement. This new name carries the authenticity of life so far combined with the courage and skills that we engage through our transformation.

Generally we have starved our sensibilities to the planet and the journey of human development. As a result the point of rites of passage is lost on most of us.

A man might project confidence, indifference or toughness but in many cases he is not in sync with the role of his soul. The soul is the bridge from child to youth, from youth to adult, from adult to elder. Each of these involves a transformation of you that is witnessed and celebrated. Witnessing allows the man to know that he is supported while he may feel lost or not know which direction to point his daily decisions. Those who support our young men know he must grow as a capable man that finds solutions not excuses. That seeks insights not openings to ridicule. That wants companionship not violence.

Just because he is angry does not justify violence against women. And just because he is lost and can’t find a good guide or mentor doesn’t justify violence against women.

Rather, his transformation into an emotionally agile man is to be celebrated so people can sense he is a unique expression of manhood and tribe.

Rites of passage can be simple. They can be ancient poems or spontaneous encouragements as long as the sentiment is to locate and appreciate the young man in the hyper–now of his life.

Rites of passage can be with just one witness or a ceremony followed by a big party.

Young men can have a conversation at 7:30 on a Tuesday with a man about life, about women and making love, about expressing the urge to love-and-be -loved, about personal religion, about posture and martial arts and The Art of War and oration and humility, about dancing, about making money and doing business and a good sense of humour, about nature spirits and healing and self respect. Any combination of those important topics can do the job of bridging the adolescent into the next stage. We as a tribe need to create these rites of life stage change. Or just connect the ceremonies we already have with a human development journey.

the Angry young Men Series – 5 – Men Don’t Understand Women

How young men end up being angry young men and sometimes violent even though they don’t want to be.

It turns out a friend from elementary school, his dad dies when he was 9 years old. My friend drank himself to death at 52 years old. Great guy. We actually ended up going to the same university by coincidence and rekindling a friendship. Increasingly as life progressed he couldn’t get a grasp on his abilities nor find guidance from family or any version of therapy. He had little self appreciation or understanding so likely didn’t have a foundation for understanding and growing with others:(

A man by design is an authentic, brave, believing expression of the man version of human.

Photo by Ali Kazal on Unsplash

Alas, what you meet on the street or get into an elevator with is likely an insecure jumble of random goals, half baked intentions and unrealistic self-help affirmations.

Regardless of his facade many a man is a cocktail of doubt and aggression. In many of us men this translates into very little self-confidence that inhibits access to our natural emotional agility to be able to listen. We can listen. We listen as a means to deliver satisfaction to ourselves and those in our life. Satisfaction here to mean logical and unadorned understanding whereas Fulfillment is feelings filled realization.

In marriage, friendship and business, without self-respect, if you want Satisfaction and the other person seeks Fulfillment, you invent conflicts that didn’t exist a second ago.

Men are great at one thing: being men. The Art of Being a Man is doing that one thing to get many results. Like going to work pays you money but also brings you satisfaction, admiration from your family, peace for spouse/children and life education for challenges ahead.

Society’s education of young men about the intricacies of men and women is lacking to the point of being harmful. Therefore the level of man in the world today is low when compared to our abilities and innate sentiments.

Now because women naturally use different mental avenues in conversation they often arrive at certain insights before a man does. Women might assume that men will, and should, have complimentary insights. Or at least be in agreement.

Our history of interpersonal conflict illustrates that men don’t work like that. Here is a way to think about what drives a women and men. Women are seeking Fulfillment in what they do and say; men want Satisfaction. See the definition above or my previous blog: https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/519

Photo by Joel Mott on Unsplash

We can create a new narrative for men. A story that each man can tell himself, his spouse, his god, his neighbour. Because it is a story where life radiates meaning through daily intentions. These intentions raise the quality of life: For men in terms of recognizing and sharing their authenticity: For their community by accompanying others in their respective stages in life: For their soul by insisting on applying their personal abilities in service to something greater than themselves.

A man connected to his natural spontaneity, vision and get-up-and-go will have put himself in the position to observe his similarities with women in their desire to grow while appreciating the differences in their expressions.