They Don’t Understand Women – AYM4

How young men end up being angry young men and probably violent even though they don’t want to be.

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A man by design is an authentic, brave, believing expression of the man version of human.

Alas, what you meet on the street or get into an elevator with is likely an insecure jumble of random goals, half baked intentions and unrealistic self-help affirmations.

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Regardless of his facade many a man is a cocktail of doubt and aggression. In many of us men this seamlessly translates into very little self-confidence to access our natural emotional agility to be able to listen. We can listen. We listen to deliver satisfaction. However if the person speaking seeks fulfillment, instead of getting either satisfaction or fulfillment, we have conflict.

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Men are great at one thing: being men. The art of Being a man is doing that one thing to get many results. Like going to work pays you money but also brings you satisfaction, admiration from your family, peace for spouse/children and life education for challenges ahead.

Society’s life education about men and women is lacking to the point of being harmful. Therefore the level of man in the world today is low when compared to our abilities and innate sentiments.

It is exactly these beautiful emotions a man has for those who surround him that he needs to shine on himself. That way each man can be his own salvation or inspiration or …

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Now because women are naturally different they very often arrive at certain insights via different avenues before a man does. Women might assume that men will, and should, have complimentary insights.

Our history of interpersonal conflict illustrates that men don’t work like that at a societal level. We can create a new narrative for men.

A man connected to his natural spontaneity, vision and get-up-and-go will have put himself in the position to observe the similarities with women in the desire to grow and the differences in their expressions.

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The Angry young Men Series – 3 – They Are Cut Off From Nature

Young men are angry young men in part because they have been … cut off from nature.

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The North West Pacific totem is ritually carved from a 20 metre red cedar tree. Once erected it focuses the higher vision of individuals on elevated qualities as represented by specific animals. The crow, the otter, the orca. This animal collective, living in the totem also announces to visitors what the community stands for. As well the tree totem provides a home for these aforementioned nature spirits. When a tribal member accompanies the planet, is dedicated to personal development and community growth they too can be a host of nature spirits.

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Almost like a lightning rod is the totem pole. But in this case it is not for the energy of a storm being released but the higher earth energy that loves to engage with people when called upon.

Interestingly, out of all the North American tribes there were only 6 northwest tribes who carved totems. Amazingly this power of the ‘totem technology’ is gripping to all of us.


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The totem has: Purpose – unite the higher development of the tribe according to the essences of the local land.

Content that facilitates an authentic engagement with – the soul life of the planet and with the history of human connection with it.

Wiring enabling nature spirits to embody the totem and radiate the power of the carved symbols.

These 3 aspects of the totem (purpose, content, wiring) resonate with all of us. We all have a soul that calls us to live, to grow, to share, to connect. The feeling from the totem can be at once and intermittently: haunting and inspiring, intriguing and settling.

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So… your totem awaits you. In the welcoming park, by the friendly river, on the rocky beach, on the slope of the entangled ravine.

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Go. Breathe deep. Give your time and senses. Savour the well-being. Discover your ritual. Create your totem. Say thanks. Repeat.

When it’s time … share.

Your totem can be made of: wood, rocks, leaves, a river, a lake, words, vision, high emotion, belief…

The Angry Young Men Series – 2 – Can’t Get Traction

Angry young men are angry because…

They can’t get traction on responding to stages in life.


They are right to be angry – those young men. With the way the world and the planet have been quite messed up by this and previous generations of adults. It would be worrisome if young men were apathetic and not angry.

However for some of the guys their expression of anger is lacking in finesse.

Don’t hit women.

Hitting a woman shows you have yet to understand crucial aspects of a woman, you have a lot to learn about self respect; highlights that your personal Art of War is very much in formation; underlines that your martial arts need practice. Practice is the foundation for finesse.

Finesse means having the agility in the moment not abandon who you are, what you are and what you want as a man. You can have finesse in just about anything: Math, cooking from scratch, anticipating what your wife needs, salsa dancing, telling jokes, socially, in fashion, understanding wildlife, Chemistry, entrepreneurship, healing with your words, golf, tennis, Tai Chi, karate, aikido, dentistry, legal interpretation, simultaneous translation …


If you are angry find another angry man to commiserate with. Find community, solidarity and solutions. Have the finesse to convert your anger into tenacity to elevate your level. Your level of asking questions that yield insight about the way forward.

You are not a victim and you are not

going to create victims.


Your cadre of young men may have been let down by previous generations in terms of financial planning, planetary stewardship, understanding women, emotional development and a soul life. However your inheritance to your tribe will be different.


If you aren’t making the money you want. Don’t blame women.

If retreating to your man cave doesn’t deliver stellar self affirmation, you are not going to take it out on a woman.

Are you one of those who lack orientation in life from elders about passing from childhood to puberty to youth and adulthood? Me too:). What that means is you have an authentic life task on your hands.


In each new stage we are presented life possibilities and personal capabilities. If we feel the possibilities are overwhelming then focus on taking one step in one aspect. Like: get a job and keep the job; then do the job well and get a raise; then be a good colleague/team player and get a promotion.


If we fail to practice using our abilities we can feel inadequate and lash out at others. An easy target is a woman. Especially a woman who believes in you when you don’t know what you want.

She wants you to engage your abilities to be a man she is proud of. If you are scared and lost you resist her encouragement.

She is supporting your growth. Growth means change. Growth means goodbye to certain friends, distractive habits and unconscious beliefs.

It means hello to the new you. In a new stage of life where you are more responsible for your response to life. This is life. Good or bad it is inevitable.

Each stage of life is petitioning you to believe in your abilities of response.

The Angry Young Men Series – 1 – Nobody Can Tell Them About Their Soul.

Nobody can tell them about their soul.

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Part of the reality of young man anger is they don’t know what is happening to them and don’t know what to do about it.

Religion is natural.

Religion is available.

Religion is our supply chain management system for the soul.

The soul is natural.

The soul is available.

The soul is the energy manager of your life.

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The Soul loves your life and will never, ever abandon your life, your well being or your growth.

The Soul needs you. You are its host. You provide your Soul with experience so you have life reference in common with it as a bridge for communication. Seen from your perspective this gives you content to understand your intuition. Your Intuition is a force of nature. It eats encyclopedias for breakfast. With the broad range of Soul resources to integrate your Devotional life into daily life you can grasp that not everything is about you. You will have perception based in the truth of the moment: about young men, about consequences and ways to deal with a situation in order to side step conflict. This soul awareness that you pursue means that you the man will rise above converting your life into a statistic about violence against women.

So +++ put yourself out there. Meet people, learn stuff, espouse your theory, revolt, rebel, love, fail, uphold, see your comfort zone in the rear view.mirror, let yourself be loved for the vulnerable/capable man that you are. Get a library card. Read a book. Read the book’s bibliography. Know that you carry a Soul – your body is the host – and your connection with it is strong, versatile and real and until you die.

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An important aspect of understanding the Soul is how to use your habits as a foundation for growing. Habits can build and decorate what we call our Comfort Zone. Warning: Often it actually turns out the Comfort Zone makes life comfortable for our fears. The furniture is assembled by our litany of excuses for not taking a risk. The Comfort Zone in reality is a prison for the urge to grow.

The Soul manages your body, that’s why we have those automatic processes of breathing and digestion. The Soul can also handle the bigger questions of developing as a human. Feed the soul a portion of habit. And feed the soul a portion of questions, curiosity, going-for-it that make you stretch towards what you want.

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The Soul is your biggest fan. It wants to know what you want and accompany you while you struggle to live out the realization of your objectives.

Your struggle for what you want for your Devotional Life and how you insist on pursuing it is your Personal Religion. (Please read that sentence again … slowly).

Angry Young Men: 10 Good Reasons to be Angry

10 good reasons for young men to be angry young men:

1. Nobody can tell them about their Soul

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2. They can’t get traction on responding to the stages in life.

3. He has been cut off from Nature.

4. They don’t understand women.

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5. The proverbial ‘man cave’ does an injustice to their abilities and needs.

6. They have no real rite of passage into manhood.

7. Satisfaction and Fulfillment have been usurped by blame and guilt.

8. They can’t find an elder.

9. Their youth and future have been tarnished by lack of vision by weak elders who know fear and lack of resistance.

10. The female instinct is not respected.

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