The Seesaw

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who said ‘ok’ to the playground bully when he said,

‘Hey jump on’ to the other seat of the painted green wooden playground seesaw.

Jessica Wilson on Unsplash

This playground in front of the winter outdoor hockey rink (and summer tennis courts) also had the big swings that were awesome; you could pump your legs to swing so high. And then jump off at the peak of your follow through which was a good 15 feet above the ground. Way outta control!

There was the long metal slide that heated up to burning hot in the July afternoon sun. You couldn’t slide down without a serious leg burn.

So on this day the local buffoon convinced me to participate and now I am up in the air as he lifts his seat and bashes it back to the ground. This sends me flailing a foot above my seat. I hold onto the metal handle with all my ten year old might.

He laughs the asshole. He loves it. Again he bashes his seat down punctuated by his villainous cackle. Again my legs fly into the air. I’m bucking this green wooden bronco and wondering how to jump off as it looks like he is not going to let me off.

Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Likewise the seesaw in relationships can generate a variety of emotions from elated to enraged. I am sure you know what I mean.

Let’s look at the fulcrum which is the part in the middle that is the balance point between the two extremes. According to the little drawing above one side is ‘Self’ and the other being ‘Love’ in our relationship seesaw.

Too much self at the expense of love means a person is in a relationship for personal gain. To feel loved with out offering love in return.

Another imbalance is when we don’t love ourselves enough and submit our fulfillment to the satisfaction of our partner.

Somewhere in between the two is an ongoing sensitivity of give and take that looks to somehow feed both at the same time.

So make yourself loveable and therefore, in your own way, attract love. Without negating this love you attract, your art is to seek out how to love another for the person they want to be.

Prayer to Water

In times of coronavirus we are using water everyday to keep us healthy.

Simple, reliable water. So…

Prayer to …. the Water.

A simple message to water.

A message sent on the soul system of communication.

Thank you is the message. The sentiment is appreciation.

Photo by Matt Hardy on Unsplash

Thank you for being true to yourself.

For honouring your bonds even when pollution stresses them.

For adhering to your nature despite the lack of human understanding.

We humans, all of us!!! love the glinting reflection of the sun off your lake surface.

The reflection warms us and catches us, for a moment, that elemental partnership of sunlight and water. You are refreshing, cleansing and cleaning.

You deliver possibility in every rain drop.

Your agility is admirable – your versatility between mist and dew; rain and snow; stream and glacier – never abandoning your essence.

Water – It seems you don’t let any situation convert itself into an obstacle. An obstacle to the cycle of abundance and refresh.

Hey Water – Let’s agree – you love to cascade down a large waterfall, you relish the meandering of a great river, each lake wave lapping on the pebbly shore is a portrait of the fluid moment.

The $12 Vacuum

Many a car’s mechanical problems can be related to how often you change the engine oil. The more often you change it the cleaner, the saying goes, it runs. Also it means the mechanic is rooting around under your hood to see or hear if something is wrong. Which not coincidentally generates more business for the garage. If in fact he finds something wrong then you are doing preventative maintenance which is almost always cheaper than repairs. Not only with cars but just about everything else.

Photo by Lukas ter Poorten on Unsplash

Take our vacuum for example. We bought it second hand because my wife’s experience is that you spend a $150 or usually more on a new vacuum and more likely than not it is giving you headaches within 6 months. Funny when I was growing up we had an emerald green Electrolux whose design was inspired by one of the characters in the canteen from the movie Star Wars. The thing lasted easily 15 years. Suction wasn’t great those last few years. That was still in the day of the vacuum bag that filled up and you had to toss. I think the whole thing was designed around selling vacuum bags because they weren’t very big and it was pretty awkward to empty them out and try and re-use.

Now our vacuum looks like son of Electrolux: turquoise with a mini body for the dirt receptacle. Nowadays we just empty out the dirt receptacle and keep going. And that is what the people who dropped it off at the donation centre where we bought it must have done because I fired it up and the smell as atrocious. A warm, old shoe bad smell filled our condo. Neither the previous guys nor the donation centre thought to clean the filter. Nor did I when I bought it:) So the filter got cleaned and boom the vacuum is awesome and is running to this day. I think it cost $12. No bags. No fuss.

I have seen the same thing happen with our sink, the fan above the stove, the drain in the shower: you have to clean out the filter to keep things running smoothly (and without a nasty smell.). The same applies to people. I remember in my early working days I didn’t have much money so I didn’t eat well. It didn’t help that I was single, living on my own with limited cooking experience. My home cooked food consisted of lots of toast and canned soup for dinner. Breakfast was a coffee and donut. Lunch would have included the occasional veggie. Whadaya know? I ended up in the clinic with an obstructed bowel. It was painful. Just knocked me out for a few days with no energy. No other symptoms. The doctor said I needed fibre which translates into leafy greens and colourful fruit. In other words I needed to unclog the drain or change the oil. I needed to clean my filter. Physically.

That has happened to me mentally as well. Where I need to learn a new concept about someone or something. As our two daughters get older I need to understand that I am not their only source of info and entertainment or decision making. I must realize they are moving through stages in life rapidly and I have to update myself at the same pace or risk making myself obsolete. It doesn’t mean letting them do everything they want and talking about every single meme they find on their phone. It just means be agile with my role as their dad.

With my wife I need to listen to her ever changing situation with menopause. I need to be confident in our connection and lovingly efficient in grasping where we are today. It’s not boring. I prefer it to a habitual life that is not challenging. I am not going to hold menopause against my wife – that would be stupid. There is no time or space to be acrimonious. I prefer to love and be loved. Loving the menopausal version of my wife means I need to have a good memory, want her to be healthy, be able to ride the roller coaster again and again without getting off. Woohoo!! Just be there for her. I am tall enough to ride that ride:)

I see it comes to updating what I want and what I believe. I want my wife to be happy. I believe our marriage is working. Some days it works like a Tesla model X – fast and curious. Other days it’s like a 1973 Westphalia camper van – lots of baggage and going pretty slow.

Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

Even Telsas have filters that need maintenance.

I find if I clean up the filter, be it the backlog of things my wife has asked me to do (throw out my good boxes cardboard goes I have piled up) or not to do (fall asleep on the couch) we do pretty well. Being in good physical shape and having some sense of your soul are other self tasks to keep things turning over.

When was the last time you cleaned your filter?

If You Have A Husband

Believe it or not, your husband loves you.

He may not say the words very often. He probably doesn’t think the thought ‘I love my wife’.

However he does love you. For a variety of reasons:

Because of you he is not lonely.

Because of you he has someone to love.

Because of you he is loved.

He is loved for his unique way and despite his defects.

Photo by Ramille Soares on Unsplash

He loves you because loving you keeps him connected to being a man of service, of having an intention every day and a purpose in the big picture. Even though he may lose sight of one or both of those as he engages each stage of life. Being disconnected from you, from a sense of service and purpose impacts the man you love to the marrow. Showing up as being irritable to feeling defeated.

He loves you because you grasp his struggle, how it affects him and how to companion him. You know his struggle is based not in the temporary disorientation he feels but in the knowing that he is authentic and wants to showcase that. Which he does through his confidence, humility and agility. Confidence to show you the man you married, humility before your marriage with an agility to embody the changes it petitions him to make.

Photo by marco barsotti on Unsplash

As you know he needs help expressing his love. Obviously as you know – violence, be it in words, physically, any abuse – is not love. We all know that. No excuses.

Your actual husband that you believe in and whose love you yearn for, seeks opportunities to make you happy. Creates experiences that say ‘I love you’ (He might even say it in words:).

So let’s find the man, highlight the gentleman – feel the love.

If you have a soul please read this.

Ahmad Odeh on Unsplash

In 2003 the U.S. military needed to justify attacking a country that was not attacking them. So they invented facts about potential dangers posed by this other country. Also known as lying. Also known as the Iraq war that was a disaster with ongoing human fallout. To fabricate a reason to share your aggression means you are not at peace. I am guilty of that. I am not alone.

Another way to live with yourself and your neighbours is to ‘love and be loved.

Your soul loves you.

Even when you screw up or get frustrated. You are loved even when you are depressed and broke.

Why? Because your soul loves providing service to you. The planetary soul focuses on managing your energy so you are healthy and safe and able to make decisions. The soul’s service depends on the information you deliver to it.

That info can be numbers, words, phrases, emotions, experiences, thoughts, ideas, feelings… In return this info is processed through the soul centres in your life to keep you alive, thriving and finding ways to participate.

So it makes sense to give your soul good information. Offer it things that are true. Ideas that generate learning and smiles and fulfillment. Information for the soul of others that generates happiness, belief and relief into their life.

So find those words and ideas and emotions. Or discover a reliable source of encouragement. Or be that creative conduit of understanding emotions and intriguing ideas.

Priscilla Gyamfi on Unsplash

Be a small spring of peace high in the mountains that appears clean and fresh.

re-Purpose

A former manager once dropped into my office and quickly put a gift bag between the wall and my computer terminal.  He timed it well so I was busy with someone so he just smiled, nodded and left.  It was mid December and so he was receiving lots of Christmas gifts from every direction.  I didn’t expect anything from him and I am pretty sure he had no intention of getting me anything.  For me the company wasn’t a place I belonged and for him I didn’t solve his problems with his bosses.  And then appeared a bottle of scotch in my office in a gift bag lacking the colourful tissue paper.  I can’t remember the last time I drank scotch.  Which means that I either binge drink it or never drink it.  I had never talked about scotch at work.  So obviously he was regifting the bottle.

Regifting is a useful practice. Re-gifting means more people get gifts which means more happy people and less consumerism and waste of wrapping paper.  It’s logical and heartwarming.  It works.  I drank the scotch.

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Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Regifting  and repurposing could both be seen as changing the direction of the same thing.  You can repurpose tires into jewelry, plastic into a fleece pullover, a boyfriend  into a husband, an old silver fork into a bracelet, a pop bottle into a flower pot, a stump into a stool and on and on.

Life stages thrust this reality of ‘the new you’ unto us.  Our curious child repurposes into a rebellious youth into the sceptical young adult into that focused adult who grows into an elderly sage.  In the beautifully painful transition known as death, the sage repurposes into spirit.

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Photo by Nourdine Diouane on Unsplash

There is  some art to repurposing.  Simply said – don’t change too much.  Change as much as you have to while staying loyal to what you know is real.  What is true about you is the eternal you.  This is what anchors the local you through the bumpy transition from one stage to the next.   Your eternal you, your higher self, loves to elevate on the journey your soul is opening up for you.