In the chapter on Habits, Routines and Rituals we saw how champion chess player Bobby Fischer was able to rise above his own opening Routine in order to win. He made the moment more important than the past. In the intense public spotlight and with years of the same opening move he was still able to think for himself. At the same time he may have been in service to a higher master: world champion status.
And this is the challenge. In the moment of battle, be it world chess championship or an argument in your marriage, can you address the adversarial with spontaneity. Is there a higher level of meaning or connection that you seek? This search will lubricate your options at the lower levels. Like when you give in and just agree with your wife when things get heated so you avoid a yelling match.
Be Self Transcendental… Mystical sounding terminology. Mysterious allusions to sessions wrapped in incense and chanting. But what it boils down to is you getting over yourself. Getting over your low emotions about what is happening to you. Getting over your reaction to the Life Stage you are experiencing. Getting over your lack of foresight and discipline or spontaneity and self belief.
Transcending your history allows you to be persuaded by your instinct, so the moment flows through you, the light radiates out from you.
The world doesn’t need your version of the hero/victim emotional pendulum. Meaning that you think your ideas are awesome yet you are still under appreciated and hard done by life. As a result you are going to usurp conversation as your therapy. So that when you are finished talking you feel better. That is not fair to conversation or the other person. But it does make sense.
The nature of conversation is therapeutic. It is the back and forth aspect of people emptying out that massages their existing feelings and ideas so they can bring in new ones. It is the give and take of talk and listen, of confirm and refine. It’s refusing to be brought down by a person or topic while resisting judging others for where they are in the moment. If we realize how to benefit from it, conversation offers transcendence in pairs, teams or groups.
How do you transcend the darkness and step toward the light – by yourself and for yourself? How do you use your past and not be used by it? How do you rise above your fear, your stress, your limits, your anger and assumptions?
Awesome options include::
- Embracing Humility/Humanity = Seek a connection with nature and offer others a person on a development journey
- Updating your Beliefs
- Highlighting Your Best Ego
- Being responsible for who you are, what you are doing and the associations of who you are with.
Mind Sprout: Transcending yesterday’s Satisfaction to get a new, different Satisfaction does not make yesterday dumb or waste of time. That is how growth works. Who knows exactly why you had to be the way you were yesterday.
Change is not the focus. That’s doing things the hard way. . That’s the style of military basic training. Where they break down the new recruits as a means to build them back up again according to military objectives. This way those young men think they owe the military inhuman loyalty for making them a man and providing them belonging and a purpose. Well. Those military psychologists are on the mark that the vitality generating exercises plus belonging and purpose are crucial components of a healthy person. The military, ISIS among others, are abundantly aware that a young man craves direction like a heroin addict scrounging their next high.
If that is your future – then we will see you in the future.
Improve the connection with what is possible as opposed to breaking what made us impossible. What is possible? Us the intuitive, us the provocative and proactive, us the inspired, the spontaneous.
1. You have ways, many ways to elevate into the person you want to be without selling your soul; and …
2. In a life recess of reflection, imagine there you are cupping your hot coffee just after dawn on the balcony. You feel that you have the embers of vitality, animated with your breath to fuel the flames of curiosity. You radiate the magnetism of belonging so others are intrigued by you. Your sense of direction fostering growth nurtures others much like the forest canopy provides cover to the new growth in the forest floor.
Challenge in Nature: Walk slow. Walk differently. Our gait gets set when we are young. It is amazing how difficult it can be to be conscious of our gait and walk differently than we normally do. Go to the park or back yard and if possible take your shoes off – check for dog poo first!:) Nature will join you on your little barefoot journey. Walk slow, walk differently. Try to walk a bit more on your toes, or roll your feet a bit more. Give it time today, or another day. The work is to be aware of you being different while actually remaining loyal to who you are. Sounds weird until you try it. So get out there!
Take the time and know it is valid to find or create your ways, many ways to elevate into the you of now, the you of vigour, vision and vitality, we have the following.
UPDATE YOUR BELIEFS
It’s ok if you don’t really know what you are doing. It’s ok if you do. It’s ok if you know what you stand for. What do you stand for?
The thing is to try. To share a bit of your vulnerability about you morphing over time into a different, newer you. To share your desire to grow. To transcend your education, your era, your ancestors.
Transcendental Meditation (TM) emerged out of India coming to the west in the 60’s. TM is a technique for avoiding distracting thoughts and promoting a state of relaxed awareness. The late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi derived TM from the ancient Vedic tradition of India. He brought the technique to the U.S. in the 1960s.
One way to think about TM was that it took the poses out of yoga and left you with breathing and mental imaging.
Breathing can aid you in transcending the many stresses of life. Mental imaging is activated to focus your energy on the growing side of stress. From the positive side of stress declare your beliefs. The debilitating side of stress we probably all know well.
Satisfaction is related to and impacted by stress, change, challenge, failure, growth, different, new, dread = projecting negativity into your unknown, negativity, unknown, lies, poor eldership by ancestors. This range of stress will highlight both your strengths and weaknesses that naturally are revealed by each Life Stage.
For example. _________
One of the messages of Jesus could be categorized as ‘be transcendental about yourself’. Not to be understood as ‘Yes I know I have personally sinned but hey, let’s put on that back burner for the moment and throw a couple of stones at this guy. Rather, don’t limit your because you did stupid things to others and feel you are not good enough because you have mistakes in the past. You are not as good or bad as you think.
In other words;
Get over yourself.
Instead of the tyranny of your feelings, make something else the first consideration in the process of understanding.
YOUR BEST EGO
Get over what your Ego is screaming at you and listen to the nuances of Your Best Ego.
Planet view: Your ego is like industrial farming – based on numbers and not vitamins, succumbing to shareholders and not natural planetary processes, satisfying the fertilizer salesperson and not your instinct.
Your Best Ego is like organic farming – that can let land fallow because it is not addicted to now/profits/expansion but rather on a journey of learning and growing. There is variety and companion planting.
Self Transcendental is catching up with your Life Trajectory. Your Life Trajectory is inclusive of Your Best Ego and understanding of the Male Stack and Female Frixion. Low emotional baggage is filtered out. Your low emotional baggage will accompany you at the expense of learning and growing and sharing. That’s a hefty baggage fee.
Humility = Humanity = Humility
Self Transcendental is in the moment. A moment shared with inner and outer lives:
Inner lives of Peace, Satisfaction, Belief, Connection, Vision.
Outer Lives of accomplishment, belonging, service, happiness, challenge, growth.
Transcendence is a bridge. A bridging.
It relieves us of our downward facing habits like: judgement, grudges, comparison, negativity, excuses, jealousy, ______________, _____________.
These misdirected habits, like judgement, are Minimizing Marauders. They minimize you. Minimize your abilities. Minimizes the female instinct. Minimize the opportunity that offers itself in the moment. They reduce the value of your willingness to love and be loved. They suction out your Belief in Marriage. They make you good at being mentally critical of your wife for being a woman. They are nasty.
Picture that in your unconscious urge to transcend the nonsense of not growing together these Minimizing agents of nastiness fall like coins from your pocket. As you cross the bridge of transcendence into the New You these coins fall from your grasp. They tumble through the wood planks of the swinging suspension bridge. You can either grab the railing for stability and stay standing as the coins fall into the deep, narrow, cold river with a minute splash – gone – as you move forward feeling the wisps of clean mist rising from below. Or you can try and grasp those falling coins (agents of nastiness) ending up prostrating to money on the planks of the bridge all alone with a few coins, not having taken the step to step into today.
Your choice. Being Responsible for your Emotions
That’s why your activated Vision is vital so you can see in your mind what you want to become. That’s why your Updated Beliefs are beautiful fuel so you can feel in your blood the man you are in the moment. Transcend the excuses and ridicule, the mistakes and regret. Your Satisfaction Skills are so much stronger. Satisfaction Skills include: getting stuff done, knowing how to delegate, being an awesome teacher, _______________________, ______________________, __________________.
Transcendence causes change. Change can make us feel vulnerable. Change and what powers it can be intentionally mislabeled and vilified by Ego based fear subscribing leeches. Don’t listen to them. Transcendence is a process to the NewYou. The New You will be received, loved and accepted just like the old you was received. The thing is the old you had a best-before-date of yesterday and the New You has a best-before-date of tomorrow. It’s a constant flow that uses your Inner Lives … to be you in the moment. The moment will renew and so will you, as the New You emitting constancy of Peace, Belief, Connection, vision and Satisfaction.
When the Dj played a slow song at the highschool dance you didn’t ask a girl to slow dance you didn’t like. Then you would have to hold her close and make small talk and put your hand on her hip. Rather, you would want to put some distance between you and her. Nothing personal, but simply put she was not part of the mosaic that was the image you were cultivating. So, if you follow, if someone does something stupid that hurts your feelings – why hold onto the hurt? Why ask a girl to slow dance that you’re not attracted to? If you do it’s your own fault for not having the courage to ask the girl you have a crush on to dance.
“Bro! Why did you ask her to dance – you don’t even like her!” Your buddies will make fun of you. “Man up and ask what’s-her-face to dance, the one you are soooo in love with.”
Your buddies are right – gravitate to the love. – Yes! Nervous courage bolsters the New You. To let go of the old. Your former you doesn’t give you as good results as the new, as the now. In comparison old you is stale, smelly, inflexible, brittle, musty and rusty. The task at hand is to harvest the residue of human qualities from your past experiences that now reside in your inner Life. Your past is valid and necessary but it is not your foundation for growth of your version of a man.
Why? To offer to your spouse the real you, you of the moment with all your constant qualities and a history of success [???]
How? Breathe, smile, straighten your posture, laugh, share. Understand that we do things because of the power of the Life Stage we are living working through our Ego working towards My Best Ego.
Count in – 1,2,3 (deeper breath) …….4..5..6 (breathe into your pelvis) …….7…8…9…… Let the old yield to history and the new reveal you.
Take a moment – take a look – 1 Minute Wilderness: https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/wild-coach.com/902
The thing is the more we focus on the need to forgive, the process of forgiveness, what we need to forgive in ourselves and others we are submerging ourselves in yesterday. So the past is the focus. We are walking backwards while trying to get on the bus to the future. That can make a lot of unnecessary work for others. Others need to know that they are forgiven or we forgive ourselves but we don’t have to relive the whole incident. That’s awkward and painful and pokes old scars and opens healed wounds. A more fruitful focus is what we learned about ourselves, others, doing stupid things and how life stages can make something seem vital to us in the moment. Show them you have learned by what you do. Let them hear it in your decision making. Let them see it in your eyes when you ask a question then shut up to listen.
And if forgiveness is not your main growth technique, then take a look at the ones that follow.
Elevate. Find a reason for what you do. Adherence to that reason – is the reason – if you see what I mean. (it means that a reason higher, greater than you reveals another aspect of you that is beautifully simple while being enigmatically you). A powerful reason is to be immortal. It was born before you and continues after you are gone. Over the first 18-20 years of life we are being repeatedly handed the baton of self-responsibility. The beliefs and values of those who nurtured us often become ours through osmosis. Updating them makes them yours. And that actually makes our parents so proud, when we take the family baton from them and do better than they did in their day. We carry their admirable qualities of humility, companionship, support, agility, constancy as our inheritance. At the same time we elevate above their downward facing habits, failures and arrogance before their instinct. Elevate above the Ego of the moment letting yourself be pulled up into perception by your reason for action and your desire to see it made real. This power fuels your service.
Service. Filling the bird feeder in your backyard with bird food all winter is great service. Rewarding you with a glimpse of the resplendent red male Northern Cardinal alight onto the feeder. With vigilance and an electrical grace it scopes its surroundings and quickly pecks the seeds. Without understanding the cardinal’s eating tastes, predators, migratory habits you will not attract them, keep them healthy and happy. And you, or your children, will not marvel at the contrast of their noble coloured feathers flash quick when they take off from having satisfied themselves at the feeder in your yard.
Service takes so many forms and expressions we all know what it means because we have been put into a situation of service having raised children, helped siblings and cared for aging parents.
Parenting is a service industry that we signed up for with no pay but lots of incredibly rewarding moments, feedback, suggestions, arguments, disappointments, complaints and challenges to the ego that are answered with growth. Being a spouse is the same.
Neither of these service roles include violence. Includes communicating to generate understanding. That’s what this book is about – creating your own avenues of communication, expression, stress relief and Satisfaction. It’s about the you that is emotionally agile enough to offer your spouse support for her Fulfillment without the threat, hint or image of violence: sexual, physical, emotional, psychological using money, guilt or force.
Then we are in a certain Life Stage and in a certain man way that inhibits connecting with our wife. Your marriage just doesn’t, you know, feel like a story you want to be a character in. That’s exactly when we need to find something in the marriage or realize something about our wife to be of service to. For many reasons. It helps others who need help. It offers our qualities towards making things better. We get Satisfaction of being valued. At the end of the day we are not wanting for Satisfaction and so offer our wife a man that is: peaceful, cooperative and warm.
Service can be: coaching, volunteering to talk with elders or pick up windswept coffee cups in the park or accompany a blind person or cook at a homeless shelter.
Let’s say perspective is you thinking outside the box; You tapping The New You on the shoulder asking for advice. It is almost for certain that your life is framed by societal understanding of you as a man. However the misunderstanding of the abilities of a man, especially in relation to a woman, is rampant. This vacuum of value for a man’s nature is not limited to any culture or race or socio-econimic class. We all underestimate the man that you are. It is the man that you have become that won’t let us talk to the real you – the New You. The New You loves perception. The man you actually are responds to the human instinct.
How do we meet this fabulous guy? This perceptive, instinctual dude? How will I recognize him if he is new …?
This seems to be a major reason for using psychedelics. Get past the conscious brain so your creativity creek can tribute into the flow of the river of innovation. Psychedelics, nowadays being used in micro-doses can do the heavy lifting of leapfrogging our mental pathways, negative or creative, to perception, to germinate innovation, enlightenment, possibly forgiveness.
There is a resurgence of psychedelics in behavioural research and bio-hacking.
Some famous and effective bio-hacking personalities are Tim Ferris https://tim.blog, Dave Asprey the Bulltetproof coffee guy https://blog.daveasprey.com/about-dave-asprey/. They are excellent sources of information as a result of using their bodies as guinea pigs, their minds as test tubes, their lives as laboratories. Doing whatever it takes; eating, climbing, swimming, fasting to increase the yield of your body and brain. The guys who do this are bright and brave and I am not going to follow their path.
I would say we are in constant reception of soul micro dosing.
David Bryce Yaden PhD. John Hopkins University is doing great research into what might be termed ‘soul hacking’. That would be another way of talking about the personal religious quest. A study of the Devotional and the daily life in cultures. The book is for academics but the search is for all of us.
If we eschew psychedelics there is a buffet of drugs on the market be that coffee, alcohol, delusion, love, work, money, success, sex and more. It is likely that most if not all the things on this list of activities are not as effective to deliver perception. Perception in this case being about The New You. Who is this New You?! New Me?!
This is a guy that already exists. It is a guy that makes you look good, look smart, on the ball. This guy is fast! Fast at knowing how to join in or to go it alone.
He has the sensitivity to get Satisfaction and let Fulfillment happen.
He uses the past and isn’t used by it.
He isn’t scared of the moment because he has no need to control it. The moment is free and so is he. Free to accept a compliment. Free to stop, smile and tell his wife she smells great.
Willing to see he has changed as he is processed through the succession of life stages. Realizing that his spouse will be similarly changed and it is his task to update himself with her growth. Admire her belief in moving the marriage forward that requires the best of you.
Leverage the future of the New You in negotiation with the Old You.
Scent Of A Woman: “I’ll Show You Out Of Order.”